Let’s talk about the past and current state of Chuck E. Cheese. In doing so, we’ll talk about Dino Pop, an amusement arcade ticket redemption machine where you throw bouncy balls in a dino’s mouth.
My research indicates that it weights 468 pounds which is much, much more than it needs to weigh. I appreciate the craftsmanship. I would have guessed they could have gotten it all in for 20. I suppose you can say that about most but not all arcade games in general, though.
The object of the game is to throw the very light, colorful and bouncy balls into the mouth of the Dinosaur, who you know is wired for fun because in each of his hands he has a maraca. I’ve never seen an angry person open carry maracas. There is a picture up and to the left that depicts the game itself, and it is a phone picture. It is important to me that you understand that the phone pic does not represent me as a photographer, but I wasn’t about to take my Canon EOS 5D Mark IV into a Chuck E. Cheese as a guy that went in there two weeks ago without his wife. The phone photos were already ahhh risky business with all the little kids around it, out in public. I’m treating the pictures I took of Dino Pop with the same respect and urgency the rebels had for the Death Star plans as they passed them through the closing doors at the end of Rogue One. In this case, Darth Vader plays the theoretical part of an entire child’s arcade populace tackling – in their minds – a would-be pedo snappin’ pics because word of this blog and this project hasn’t quite entered the collective consciousness after 8 months of writing these things. (Yet.) All risked some, some risked all or however the bumper sticker goes. I am the latter “some,” in this, is what I am saying.
The Dinosaur in Dino Pop doesn’t just sit there dumbly like a basketball hoop might, allowing you to calmly and rationally throw balls into its opening. It is also rotating its face and body to make the shots trickier. His lower jaw also opens and closes to provide more challenge. Is it as great a challenge as the aforementioned photographic evidence taken by your unwavering and steadfast reporter? No, no, of course not. But when (I’m assuming the eponymous) Dino Pop is rotating around and gyrating like a madman — teasing and frustrating little kids — it’s of some small solace as an adult to know something that the kiddos don’t yet, and that knowledge is of the Chicxulub event. Have your fun and get your taunts in now, ‘Pop. If it were up to me, I’d arrange this smug saurian so that directly across from him was an Asteroids.
When my nephew – the one who is obsessed with Chuck E. Cheese as I am – turned 2, he was all for us having his birthday party there. I remember the price being a hundred bucks and they would roll out enough pizza, cake, drinks and party decorations for eight kids and adults. I am sure they are making plenty of money off it, but it’s the best deal I’ve seen for a party for a kid before or since. While Chuck E. Cheese, the business, was a memorable part of my childhood, I observed muted acknowledgements, distant stares and too-quiet demeanors when I spoke of the plan for that party to my fellow adults a couple of years ago. Why? I didn’t understand. Do people just not like fun? Well, no, people like fun. It’s just that a guy shot up a Chuck E. Cheese in Aurora in 1993. As someone who grew up in New York and transplanted to Colorado in 1998, I was not exactly aware of this. I guess it’s like someone out here suggesting to me that we throw a kid’s party at the new World Trade Center. Regardless, after a quick call confirming with ADX Florence that they weren’t going to let the perp out for that particular weekend in June, we had the party. The kids got to play all the games for “free” for a couple hours, the pizza was great for what it was and Chuck came out to see all the kiddos. We had a great time. I love John Oliver, but I could think of about a thousand other companies to focus his ire on, personally!
This is the part where I would tell you to drop a quarter into it the next time you see it, but I’ve only ever seen one in my life and it’s set up for one of Charles Entertainment’s little hotel-style activator cards which work about as often as a real hotel access card when a little kid is trying to make the big purple dinosaur come to life. It is the worst part of the game. They should just let you throw the card in its mouth to start it. It would save time.
I’m not going to include a link to video of this thing in action because, much like the movie Sinners, this one is best to go into blind. When you see it for yourself some day, get bouncing and think of me, baby.
- Dino Pop was played on real hardware baby.