July 24th, 2012 by Knuckles the Clown

Editor’s Note: On Monday, July 23rd, 2012, Ichiro Suzuki of the Seattle Mariners was traded to the New York Yankees.

I’ve been a Seattle Mariners fan since 1984. As been as bad as it gets. Boston fans can bitch, Cubs fans can bitch. But since we are all in our mid 30’s for the most part we’ve all seen the same things and Seattle is the most heartbreaking.

I’ve seen Danny Tartabull traded for jack shit (would have been an awesome Kingdome DH till Edgar couldn’t play third anymore. I’ve seen Alvin Davis fall off a cliff, Kevin Mitchell signed, disaster, and the giant bounty of Billy Swift, Mike Jackson and David Burba have phenominal years. I’ve seen Tino Martinez traded for a bag of dicks.

I’ve seen both Jason Varitek and Derek Lowe traded for Heathcliffe Slocumb. Jose Cruz Jr. traded for Mike Timlin and Paul Spoljaric. Griffey traded (actually worked out for us) Randy Johnson traded (Garcia Halama, Guillen good package, but Randy freaking Johnson had a million wins and like 4 CY Youngs left). I’ve seen that bitch A-Rod go to Texas. Ibanez given away, then reaquired and playing LF instead of DH then given away. Russell Branyan solved Safeco field only to be non-tenedered. Shin-Choo and Asdrudal Caberea traded to the Indians for the pair of shit stains Ben Broussard and Eduardo

Players like Jeff Cirlilo, Rich Aurillia, Ben Davis and Jose Vidro HORRIBLE signings of slap hitting infielders and a catcher who looked like Paul Bunyan (and who once bunted to ruin a no hitter by Schilling while on the Padres) but hit like a fucking girl scout. Guys who left their crappy NL teams under optimal conditions only to be killed by Safeco Park. Chone Figgins came here and died. So did Brett Tomko.

Richie Sexson promptly stop hitting towards the end. Adrian Beltre had an above average career here, took one in the testicles and then took a tour around the AL playing Gold Glove defense with tremendous power numbers for OTHER teams.

Brandon Morrow, picked ahead of Tim Lincecum kinda plays well for the Blue jays: he was given away. Jeff Clement picked ahead of Troy Tulowitzki is teaching gym somewhere.

Now Ichiro is gone, one of the few reasons I follow no matter how bad he is playing. And to the Yankees. I look at the rosters last night.

Freddy Garcia- former Mariner.
Gay-Rod- Former Mariner.
Ibanez- Former Mariner.
Soriano- Former Mariner.
Ichiro- former Mariner.

Maybe two of those guys would be useful on Seattle now, but it still sucks balls.

I HAVE IT THE WORST. Boston fans, you won your two rings and couldnt handle it and now everyone just lumps you and your dumb “rivals,” Yankee fans, in the same boat. I only feel bad for Cubs fans in their late 50’s.

The worst thing about being a Seattle fan is being irrelevent. The Cubs will always be relevant. Christ, Pittsburgh has their shit together.

It is dark times indeed. We have three of the best pitching prospects in baseball. We will be lucky if ONE pans out to be a decent second starter.

I’m assuming Felix Hernandez is next. And a new brand of non-panning out prospects will be injected into the system. Hey Jeff Smoak how you doing?

The problem starts with Howard Lincoln and Chuck armstrong. Our GM whose name I can’t pronounce or spell has done the right thing in the majority of moves. Other than grabbing ANOTHER fucking catcher in the draft with the second pick this year. We missed out on Strasburgh because Yuneski Betancourt decided to have a career day at the plate on the last day of the season in his wretched Mariners tenure, giving us one more win than the Nationals.

I will follow till I die. I love the Mariners, never think ONCE you have it worse as a fan of your team.

About the author: Knuckles the Clown is available at a low price for Communions, Inquisitions and Jahuars.

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