Jolt Country

What are men good at? Problem solving! Let’s go and solve some problems around the NFL. We can’t solve all the problems, but that won’t stop us - men! - from trying.

GREEN BAY PACKERS
There’s no downside to bringing Brett back because people get hurt all the time in the NFL. You’re saying to yourselves that you want Aaron Rodgers to have control of the team early on, so he establish his blah blah blah. Why? WHY? Let Favre start and when he, being 39 years old, takes one in the sternum, you have Rodgers ready to play. Yes, Brett has never missed a game - neither did Cal Ripken until he started missing games.

Additionally, the quality of play decreases as the season goes on, because starters everywhere get hurt. So Rodgers will face worse teams the longer this goes on. If Rodgers plays like shit, then move him back to the bench when Favre is healthy. If he plays well, then great. PROBLEM SOLVED!

BUFFALO BILLS
You’ve needed a quarterback since Jim Kelly left town, and nothing will ever improve until you get one. Kelly isn’t strictly correct; Flutie was flawed but good enough to play ball. And Wade Phillips let him start the entire season, only to pull him before the playoffs. You all deserve this, for fucking around with the QB spot like that. But that was around 8 years ago, so I think we can heal now.

I encouraged you to take Matt Leinart, and who knows how that has panned out. But I’d take a QB in the first until you get a good one. Brady’s not going anywhere, and you’re going to need to gun with him. Get a QB, a REAL quarterback and… PROBLEM SOLVED!

JAVON WALKER
Your blood is too iron-rich, which is why knives and bullets are so attracted to your general person. Get off red meat and fish for a few months and you should be fine. Let the gunfire erupt around you. Also, don’t move to Oakland if you were traumatized by a teammate’s unsolved murder (thanks Denver cops - between this and the JonBenét debacle, the only real crime you’ve solved recently was Columbine, and those two spotted you their crimson-smeared faces in a crumpled pile while still wearing ammo. Keep writing those traffic tickets though). PROBLEM SOLVED!

THE REST OF THE LEAGUE EXCEPT THE GIANTS
When Brady is out there throwing it around up by fifty, you send each player with instructions to destroy his KNEES. The knee is the worst body part to get injured in the NFL. (Right now the spine is flipping his keyboard.) It takes at least six months to recover - some of these guys have started tearing ligaments in the playoffs and coming back the next season, but still, that gets rid of him for the rest of the year. If his backup, Matt Cassel,  is raining death upon you then that’s part of the game and your team should think about being disbanded. But to see grown men let the scores get run up like they did last year, with — in one case! — the Pats going after the knees of the Bills’ quarterback!!!!! … is amazing. This single-handily makes rugby players more manly men with more pride. If Belichick is going to be stupid enough to keep sending him out there, then hurt him. PROBLEM SOLVED!

DETROIT LIONS
Remove everyone from the team but Matt Millen, clearly, this is an organizational issue, except for, like, the very top. PROBLEM SOLVED!

ROGER GOODELL
Nobody gives a shit about games in Europe, the game is worthless without a good salary cap, floor and revenue sharing, the draft should never leave NYC, the draft should start at 11:00 EST, the concept of the NFL Network is retarded since you get all your money from the networks, disciplining these animals that line up each Sunday doesn’t matter and nobody gives a good goddamn about football in Los Angeles. Fuck all this up, however! You’re doing great work. Just because people in their thirties have never truly had a horrible commissioner run the NFL, it doesn’t mean we don’t recognize it since (after the OKC / Seattle debacle) every other major sport has a completely worthless guy at the highest level. Actually, you fit right in. PROBLEM NOT SOLVED!

How nice of the Saints to deal for Jeremy Shockey during football week here at JC!

The deal was a 2nd and 5th round pick in the 2009 draft for Shockey. I had really hoped that the Saints weren’t going to give a second up, but, well. At the same time, the track record of draft picks for the Saints has been almost universally terrible, and if football were subject to the same kind of statistical analysis as baseball, I’d suggest a stat like Average Team Draft Pick Worth, where we see that a draft pick by, say, the Steelers is worth a lot more than one by the Saints, because the Saints are so bad at it.

I think the Saints had a good draft this year. They were terrible in 07. It was great in 06. Why not roll the dice on Shockey? He makes the team better immediately, and head coach Sean Payton doesn’t have a contract for 2009. For as good an offense the Saints had in 2006, the 2007 Saints were held to low points many times and just couldn’t get it going. So they now have another option.

The knocks on Shockey is that he is an enormous douchebag, that Eli Manning got better when he wasn’t around, and that he drops some catchable balls. I don’t care about the first. I really don’t - so he called Bill Parcells a homo. I’m pretty sure that Bill Parcells has said some mean things to his players over the years. Everyone’s a (rich) (well-compensated) (don’t feel sorry for them) adult here. I haven’t seen anyone deny that he leaves it all on the field.

Manning may have gotten better with Shockey not around, but that’s not going to be an issue with Drew Brees, who helped make an All-Pro out of TE Antonio Gates in San Diego. Brees is in his prime, and if the two of them put in the work they should play well together.

As for dropping balls, well, that puts Shockey right at home with the other receivers on the team except Colston. (It is amazing to see Marques Colston work - when he drops one, it’s because someone took his legs out from him. When Devery Henderson misses one, it’s because someone threw it to him in a nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere.) Everybody needs to work on their pass catching in the Saints offense, particularly Reggie Bush, so Shockey can benefits from the drills, too. (And we have no idea what kind of hands Robert Meachem has in the pro game.)

So, I guess I like the move. A second rounder is very, very valuable, and I don’t think the Giants had much leverage, so I am not in love with the trade or anything. Giant fans don’t seem to be thrilled with it, which means they don’t feel they ripped off the Saints. Likewise, Saints fans aren’t whooping it up like when we got two first-rounders from the Dolphins for Ricky Williams. I know that on ESPN’s “1st and Ten” the categorically announced this as a triumph of the Giants, but in the NFL you really, really don’t want those kinds of people on those kinds of shows in your corner.

The other big trade was Jason Taylor from Miami to the Redskins. The Skins sort of… well, sort of had to make this move, with defensive ends Phillip Daniels and Alex Buzbee both lost for the season. Taylor is a much, much better player than Shockey, but he’s also older. Taylor says he’ll finish out his contract, so that gives Washington at least two years of good production. Unlike most of the other defensive ends in the game, Taylor is not an anthropomorphic lard field that cavemen dump their waste into, so if he does regress some, it’s not going to be because of his weight.

Washington had made a bunch of horrible moves to get veterans since Daniel Snyder took over the team, but I don’t know if they have ever really brought in someone of Taylor’s quality before? So the shitty moves before colors the good acquisition now. As for Miami, they had to make this move, and good for them to get the second they were looking for. I am very hesitant to say that they will suck next years, because worst-to-first turnarounds in the NFL happen all the time. But they are posing themselves to get back into the playoffs in 2010 with moves like this.

I’ll make you a deal! You please, please, please read even the football posts and I will try to keep them funny even if you hate football!

All right! When it comes to the NFL and ICJ, things are pretty fucked up! I like a team I picked when I was about four and they have probably been the worst professional sports team in my lifetime, with the possible exceptions of the Los Angeles Clippers and the Houston Texans. The Saints went to the NFC Championship Game two years ago, and I think since they started playing the Super Bowl, the only other NFC team that has not done that is the Cardinals? The Cardinals had some good teams in the 70s, but I can’t recall how far they got. Anyway, going almost 40 years and still being a game from the Super Bowl is not great. Them’s my Saints!

Last year was a complete horror, featuring an 0-4 start, a four game win streak to get even and then a loss against a Rams team that was 0-8 at the time. I was at a friend’s wedding for the Rams game, but I knew leading up to it that the Saints would lose. And I am one of the more positive fans! The Saints don’t beat teams featuring a new, inexperienced quarterback, and they never, ever beat teams that are winless that far into the season.

So it all comes down to this. What has to happen for the Saints to make the playoffs?

- They have to win the winnable games on their schedule. No offense to anybody on the teams the Saints play, but you’re all horrible. The best team the Saints play is San Diego, and that game is in England, where anything can happen! That’s a pretty shitty flight for the Chargers, I guess new and terrible NFL commish Roger Goodell couldn’t quite work out the logistics of flying LT and Merriman to Deimos? Maybe next year, let’s get a team there! (David Stern is stroking his chin, pondering moving the Kings there right now.)

- Nobody can get worse! The offensive line for the Saints needs to hold and nobody can get hurt or take a step back. That will be tough because nothing like that ever happens.

- Reggie Bush doesn’t need to get 25 carries a game, but he does need to get positive yardage when he touches the ball. Always. My friend Brian, after viewing the GET LAMP trailer, said that I was wearing the jersey of the most overrated running back since Ricky Williams, a shot I couldn’t defend! If Bush is scoring every other game, returning punts and generating a little more yardage than he generated in 2006, he’s gonna be fine.

- I can’t even get started with the defense. Jason David was the worst free agent pick-up of all time. If Reggie White was an example of picking someone up correctly, like getting a beautiful escort you pay thousands of dollars for and are honestly worried if she’ll do you at the end of the evening because of how classy she is,  Jason David was going into the prostitute zone within your home town ten blocks from the police station, and yelling that you’ll pay a hundred dollars for a hummer through a megaphone. Doing it that way, you’re overpaying, you’re negotiating poorly, you’re drawing unwanted attention to yourself and Peyton Manning and/or the cops is/are going to set the tone for the night and pick on you.

There are some new players coming in on the defense and honestly, I don’t know that the Saints lost anyone that clutch. They are coming to Denver this year, so I will get a chance to see them and so far nobody has been crippled in workouts, which is a plus! I think that the Patriots are going to go on a revenge-fueled tear through the beginning of the season and ultimately win it all (though I do think someone takes a shot at Brady’s knees if they keep running it up), so all of this is ultimately moot. Hopelessness hasn’t stopped me from buying the NFL Ticket again though, because if you are only going to follow the Saints when it looks like a good deal of hope is involved, you haven’t figured out what rooting for the Saints is like.

Well, it’s the third “major” of the year (ed. note: the British Open!), and the first “major” without Tiger Woods since 1996. Many fine golfers will be competing for this “major”, but really, what are they playing for? A trophy that says they beat a bunch of second-rate players? Good for you. Way to go on winning your “major”.

Since Tiger’s not in this, we are going to do something a little different. The rest of this PGA season is now about seeing whether or not Tiger can still win the Player of the Year award.

This would be a ridiculous accomplishment since he will have only played in SIX (6) tournaments the entire year, but is still very possible, since he won FOUR (4) of them, still more than anyone else, and one of those four was the greatest Major victory in golf history.

So let’s take a look at who is left in the field who can even threaten to wrest the award from Tigs by the end of the year:

Anthony Kim (2 wins, 0 majors): Haven’t you heard? Tiger is old news! The old man had a good run, but it’s time for him to step aside and let the new crop of golf geniuses break all his records! And that crop consists of one man, Anthony Kim! A brash young punk who is here to kick ass and take names! The new Tiger, except way better! Like Vijay’s caddy said, TIGER WHO? It’s Anthony Kim’s world now! Why, he’s even won TWO WHOLE TOURNAMENTS this year, wearing idiotic-looking belt buckles! BEST GOLFER EVER! Yeah. Well, he would need a major victory, and possibly another regular tour win this year to win the award. He’s currently tied for 19th in the first round of the British, so he’s in contention. And he is very good. My focus for this British is, instead of rooting for Tiger, rooting very strongly AGAINST Anthony Kim. Join me, won’t you? THREAT LEVEL: HIGH

Kenny Perry (3 wins, 0 majors): He has won 3 out of his last 5 tournaments! All he’d need is a major and he’d probably win the award! Let’s see how he’s doing… oh wait, that’s right, HE’S NOT EVEN PLAYING IN THE BRITISH, in the dumbest move I’ve ever seen a professional golfer man since Rory said Tiger looked more beatable than ever. He can win every other tournament the rest of the year, but without a major, I just don’t see him winning the award. Maybe he’ll play the PGA Championship, though. THREAT LEVEL: MEDIUM

Trevor Immelman (1 win, 1 major): If he wins another major, he’ll win the award. Problem is, since his ridiculously improbably Masters win, he hasn’t even been able to make the cut at a miniature golf course. Being on all those talk shows seems to have made him forget how to play. He’s currently tied for 67th in the British. Watch how not worried I am. THREAT LEVEL: ZEE. ROW.

Phil Mickelson (2 wins, 0 majors): FUCK YOU LEFTY. All he’d need is another tour win and a major! How’d he do today? Ah, I see! NICE 79, LEFTY! You managed to break 80! Way to go! Tied for 123rd, don’t give up!! HEE HEE! THREAT LEVEL: MEDIUM

Whoever Wins The British: If anyone can rip off the last two majors, they’ll win. So whoever wins this one will have a shot at it at the PGA. I think the last person to win the last two majors of the year other than Tiger was like nobody. Or Jack Nicklaus or some old guy. Extreedingly unlikely. THREAT LEVEL: VERY LOW

Everyone Else: No chance.

So that’s it, there’s your competitors. Let’s get an Anthony Kim update, since he’s the best golfer of all time! OOPS! Down to a tie for 28th! What’s the matter, KIMMIE???

That’s it for this update. If I were you, I’d not even pay attention to the British, and just watch these three videos over and over and over and over:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZLKXvGE6kN8
http://youtube.com/watch?v=UcxZy-abRbU
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Bj9A8rYuZAE

When I’m feeling down I stop masterbating for two days and eat nothing but fruit. Then once 48 hours pass, after I’ve I really missed the little things in life like junk food and self pleasure I buy a bucket of KFC and watch four hours of porno. It makes me feeeeel better and more confidant.

Since my life is in more ruin the any of you could ever imagine, I’ve found some things than can help you overcome your whatever.

You can start by telling people what you want instead of pussyfooting around it. If you want five extra pounds of cheese on your pizza, tell the fucking person at the pizza place what you want instead of worrying about them laughing at you for having disgusting eating habits. They are working at a pizza place=they don’t matter.

Any girl that isn’t in your daily “routine” that is midly attractive-ask out. You never have to see her again, she doesn’t know about your endless problems, and if she says no, SHE’S JUST A DUMB CUNT that doesn’t know any better.

If you are not overweight and are over 30 YOU HAVE WON! This society breeds fat cattle. If you are still skinny after 30 years of walking around this smorgasborg, you have attained the rank of Arch-Mage.

And finnally, there are thousands of people out there who WANT to be your friend. Ever jackass place I’ve worked for had at least 5 people who wanted to be my friend. Unfortunatley I hate everyone and don’t require friendship. But the only way to overcome your fears is to take a chance on these cretins and hang out with them. After hanging out with them twice you may actual befriend someone.

Editor’s note: We take you back to right before the release of Spider-Man 2. Comic book movies were in chaos. One “man,” the following clown, knew what the problems were and how to fix them. We now take you to his post at the time.

While you guys are eagerly anticipating your next 8 sided die roll or thaco check, I’m eagerly awaiting the Release of Spider Man 2. I was an avid comic book reader growing up and am happy that Hollywood is now able to portray our favorite heroes without making them look gay or cheesy.

But I do have a huge problem with the formula. In every one of these movies:

1. The origin of the character is fucked up.

2. He is almost always the ONLY super hero in the world

3. The Lois Lane or Mary Jane character that took Superman and Spider-Man 300 issues to ask out, drops her pants in the first movie.

4. The characters our heroes battled for hundreds of issues are killed within a week’s time (in the movie)

5. Huge gaffs: (Harvey Dent being played by Billy D. Williams then Tommy Lee Jones, Spider-Man shooting webs out of his skin, the lumping together of Mary Jane and Gwen Stacey and the biggest one of all time-the Hulk movie.)

Here’s what should have been done

1. Case: Batman movie kills Joker too damn soon.

Solution: Let the joker beat Robin to death with a crowbar like in the comic book and have him escape. THAT WAY YOU CAN BRING HIM BACK, LOSE THAT FAG O’DONNELL AND when you run out of ideas by the fourth movie you bring the Joker back and leave ARNOLD the fuck out of it.

2. Case: Two Face being played by two different actors in two different movies one black (Billy D. Williams) and one white (Tommy Lee Jones)!

Solution: I agree Hollywood owed Billy D. big time, Lando shoulda got his own spin off movie called Streets of Calrisimo. So leave Billy D. as Harvey Dent and have him framed of a crime he didn’t commit. That way Tommy Lee Jones can still participate and play the cop who is in charge of finding a wrongly accused man.

3. Case: While it is implied that Mary Jane Watson is a slut for dating three characters in one movie, it isn’t really addressed.

Solution: Spider-man Ticket stub good for discount on Raylenne’s “American Web Guzzlers” DVD.

4. Case: All super hero movies operate in different universes i.e. you don’t see Spider-Man ever dropping by the Avengers Mansion.

Solution: I understand they can’t throw all these guys together probably cause of licensing, blah, blah. But a passing mention like Spider-Man checking his cell phone and listening to the black cat leaving a message about how “She’s late.”

5. Case: The (original) Hulk Movie

Solution: everyone involved must be shot.

I was dead once. The Mclurg kids next door were fucking around banging on the walls while I was taking a bath. I got up to go yell at them and banged my head on the shower-head, knocking me out and sending me to an untimely death in a pool of my own stink. Luckily my future ex-wife had to use the crapper and walked in after I had been face down in disgusting bath water for god knows how long. By the time paramedics had arrived I was pronouced dead.

After getting those electric shocks I came to about 40 seconds later. I sat and looked around. Those goddamned kids were still banging around, my ugly wife had stunk up the bathroom and I owed my life to some pimply face squared assed lesbo Paramedic. I screamed to God- “If you are going to kill me, at least have the balls to finish the job. ” I took up smoking the next day.

A haunting memory from the past comes back today.

TIMELINE: DECEMBER 30, 2004

Apparently a wall of water dumped on a large number of people in the Indonesia region, giving millions of people their first baths in months. Unfortunately the sight of clean fingernails caused about 120,00 people to perish. No, there won’t be any jokes about Bush blaming this on Iran, although I think he should. All of that goddamned oil drilling probably caused a shift in the tectonic plate. If he were to use that as a basis for war against another axis of evil, well, good enough for me.

No, the tragedy runs deeper. When I was but a boy I remember taking what was called social studies. I always liked the way they named classes. Some schools called it Geography. Some schools called math- Arithmetic and some schools called English.. Language Arts. No matter how they dressed anything up you knew you were going to be lugging a shitty textbook around for the next 8 to 9 months.

In my Social Studies textbook, I remember that the sons of bitches that made it had the audacity to predict the world population for the year 2060. The graph looked something like this.

http://www.gumption.org/1993/memo/landmarks/world_population.gif

Notice the disturbing trend. Everything is fine and dandy for a hundred thousand years and then all of a sudden the thing erects itself like one of you looking at naked pictures of Lieutenant Uhura.

Well Bullshit I always said. How the fuck does some idiot publishing company think they have the right to pretend they know how many people are going to be around in 50 years. Take this unfortunate event called Tsunami, or as I call it natures -Level 3 population control. People breed in Southeast Asia like the women are attractive or something. Everyone knows that if you are attractive and female in SE Asia the following precautions are taken.

1. Violently taken from your home at the age of 12.
2. Reproductive organs removed with crude tools
3. Sold to a brothel
4. Have sex with foreign businessmen for the next 20 years.
5. Reunited with family on 60 minutes
6. Killed in natural disaster.

If you are a promising young male
1. Violently taken from your home at the age of 12
2. Reproductive organs removed and ground into powder for “herbal supplement”
3. Sold to a brothel
4. Have sex with middle age men for 5 years
5. Go to work for Tech Company in U.S.

The rest of the people are left sitting around breeding and making small toys and appliances. They also have kids at the rate of 1 per when the stitches come off.

Which brings me to my point. With world population growing rampant, and the thought of some hippy social studies book writer being right, nature steps in. Nature takes small steps like taking over the mind of 20 Saudi’s and forcing them to crash airplanes into buildings. It takes medium steps like creating diseases like AIDS and whooping cough. And then once in a while it says “fuck it” and forces the water (the deadliest force in nature’s abundant repitoire) to rise up and wipe out hundreds of thousands.
In review
Level 1- Nature controls human minds for dasterdly deeds
Level 2- Diseases, animal exctintion, the slow death
Level 3 Natural Disasters in highly populated poor countries
Level 4- natures Level 4 population control is called “Global Killer” THIS GUY gets a phone call
http://marvelite.prohosting.com/surfer/galactus/profile.html

Discuss!

During this time of the year, my thoughts, as I’m sure yours do, often turn to red, ripe tomatoes. So, I was more than pleased to take up Vitriola’s suggestion of Bud Light Chelada, a beer containing: Clamato, salt, lime flavoring, and, rumor has it, some actual beer. Friends, this could very well be the fight of my life.

So, goodbye, everyone!! I’m disappearing into Tomato World one last time.

BEER: Bud Light chelada

I know, right? No tomato-based complaining, please. Besides, Pinback wouldn’t want you to bitch.

With an info blurb mentioning “Latino love” and having a can where almost every word slapped across it is in Spanish, I have a sneaky suspicious I’m not AB’s target audience. Even choosing Bud Light Chelada could’ve proved to be disatrous, as I wasn’t entirely positive it was available in my area. Thankfully, my local gasoline purveyor delivered the goods, or, at least, had said goods for sale in 24 ounce, big-ass cans. Mose down at the Shell station even said it was “a fine seller”. No, Mose, you’re the fine seller. He also took the opportunity to recommend Schlitz High Gravity V.S.L, but that’ll have to wait for another time.

FD&C Red Dye #40, in terms of appearance, with a fizzy, pinkish head on top, it’s simply far too cheery-looking to raise much of a fuss. What harm could a Strawberry Shortcake-hued brew really do?

In terms of aroma and flavor, this concoction is somewhat akin to a thin tomato soup. Yeah, that’s certainly one way of putting it, but it’s not just any thin tomato soup we’re dealing with. Throw in some vegetable stock, a questionably high amount of celery salt, a few hearty squirts of premium ketchup, a pinch of salt, a splash of light beer, and you’ll be on the right track. A hint of lime adds a tiny hit of acidity. Mercifully, I don’t pick up any clams. The beer finishes with a watery flourish and an all-too-telling Latino wink.

“I’ve just sucked one year of your life away.” –Count Rugen

Once, while attending the Great American Beer Festival some years ago, I had a chance to meet Michael Jackson, the Beer Hunter, the celebrated author of many a beer book. During a brief exchange, he gave me this snippet of advice: “When it comes to new beer styles, Gerrit, you’ve got to grow and become more open-minded; accept tomatoes, maybe even embrace tomatoes.” At the time, I dismissed the comment, thoroughly sure that his advanced age and decades of getting soused had rendered him completely senile.

Looking back, though… maybe he was on to something. No hard feelings, Michael, right?

Overall, Bud Light Chelada isn’t as entirely foul or offensive as one might rightly imagine it to be. I didn’t once spit up on myself! I never once accused it of being a life-altering nightmare! That being said, I don’t see myself returning to this one anytime soon. In fact, you had all better cherish this one final trip to Tomato World, because that’s pretty much it for the tomato beers.

Though, while I may be fresh out of tomato beers this is hardly the end. I’m happy to report there is an endless array of beers left to bore you with, and, after having braved the perils of Tomato World, let me be the first to say: there’s nowhere to go but up, baby!!

I play in a Diamond Mind baseball league with seven other fellas. Around the house, it has gained no small amount of notoriety as “text baseball.” The links on how I have faired (second worst for two straight years) are over to the left.

There were three young pitchers for the Blue Jays that I wanted to have on my team, because I am a HOMER. When we draft, you always know how they did in the next two seasons. So last year, I drafted Shaun Marcum, Dustin McGowan and Casey Janssen.

They all had terrible 2006 seasons! They were truly terrible. I don’t remember the exact number runs they gave up (in order to keep them, season after season, we have to play them at least 33% of batters they faced in real life) but it was on the order of a million. That gave my team a Pythagorean record of 4-442.

Kidding! The three of them let up 62 runs in 69 innings. But through it all, I knew how the trio fared in 2007 (which we’re going to play after the World Series). Janssen was dominant as a setup guy, and likely moving to the rotation, where he would get a monster amount of innings. Marcum and McGowan were both above average. Couple these guys with Kazmir, Felix Hernandez, Josh Beckett and Gil Meche and I thought I had an outstanding staff.

Meche came back to earth to start the season, but that was fine. Casey Janssen tore his rotator cuff, so he was out for 2008. Marcum was pitching amazingly well, with like a 2.85 ERA when he went on the DL. And Dustin McGowan just tore his rotator cuff as well.

Good thing I gave them all those innings I GUESS.

Did I learn a lesson? Sure - develop one pitcher if you like, over the course of a season, but otherwise it’s just not worth it. We play six games a week for about 14 weeks and it takes about 50 minutes to play a game. That’s a lot of time to invest in “next year.” Well, not so much the time, as the time of the games plus the time picking the keys off the floor and putting them back into a punched-up keyboard.