If *that's* what you're looking for, rent Resident Evil. You won't see a movie that makes any sense as far as the series they're trying to make a movie for is concerned, or that follows the basic rules of how zombies fight, but you *will* see tits and violence! And cheesy one-liners! And gratuitous refferences to the games they're supposedly basing the movie on! Yes, I'm goddamn bitter, thank you very much.loafergirl wrote:And both also have moments of near toplessness from hottie chicks.
ICJ presents... Bad_Opinion
Moderators: AArdvark, Ice Cream Jonsey
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James Bond
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Vitriola
And an Alice in Wonderland allegory!
Since I don't play video games, I actually really like that movie. It's very well done, creepy, well written, sexy and violent with some pretty good characterization. And then there's the last 5 minutes of the movie, which would make up for it even if the previous hour and a half were crap.
Since I don't play video games, I actually really like that movie. It's very well done, creepy, well written, sexy and violent with some pretty good characterization. And then there's the last 5 minutes of the movie, which would make up for it even if the previous hour and a half were crap.
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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Hi, Walter. I'm glad to see you here. Hey, forget what some of the other guys were saying behind your back. You're cool with me.Walter wrote:Bad Santa
Bad Santa seems to be the #1 comedy in America right now! But I don't know. "Billy Bob" there just annoys me. I don't "get it," I guess. A midget with spunk and a silver tongue always gets me going, though. Can't have enough of that. (My therapist tells me I have a problem with sarcasm: I am not being sarcastic, I really like witty and mean little people.)
So I'll probably rent it when it comes out on DVD.
While I'm at it:
Whoever decided that "Paycheck" should come out on Christmas Day is both an ignoramus and kind of an asshole. I like Ben Affleck: I hope he has a long and prosperous career but I don't want to spend Christmas with him. The only movie I am likely to see that month is Return of the King for the nth time.
NOW, though, where there is Bad Santa, Nothing, the Adventures of Nobby Nobody, Not A Goddamn Thing and Gotholick or whatever the fuck that Halle Berry movie is called ... well, that may have been a better time to release it.
Walter, what did *you* think of Bad Santa?
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!
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Ice Cream Jonsey
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plus: muffVitriola wrote:And an Alice in Wonderland allegory!
Since I don't play video games, I actually really like that movie. It's very well done, creepy, well written, sexy and violent with some pretty good characterization. And then there's the last 5 minutes of the movie, which would make up for it even if the previous hour and a half were crap.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!
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Lex
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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Lysander
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Alright, goddamnit, since the subject's come up, I'm going to go and explain everything I hate about that movie.
The first problem I'll go into is that it and the games contradict each other on three very obvious points, which I will go into now because I am a raving Resident Evil fan and it does not deserve to get raped the way the Paul Anderson movie did to it. I mean, they *had* a script written by *George frigging Romarrow*, for crissakes, and while it was laughably hokey in several spots it could have been rewritten into something awesome.
1. Timing and location. I'm going to *assume* that the mansion the movie starts out in is the Spencer mansion which you get so personally acquainted with in the first RE game. I am further going to assume that the outbreak in question is the outbreak which takes place in the first RE game. I will *furthermore* make a good guess that the "hive" is the complex of labbs under Raccoon City which you hang around in for the latter half of RE2, by the wayy that there's a huge train ride from the mansion to the hive. There's only one problem with this scenario: this movie, and don't believe what that dumbfuck narrator is telling you, must be taking place a few days after May 11th, 1998. If we assume that William Birkin's complex from RE2, which takes place on September 29th and 30th 1998, is the one that gets shut down at the end of the movie, then we *also* have to assume that Umbrella, Inc. decided to break their fully-sealed T-virus-infected laboratory open to give Birkin a place to work, only to lose it to Hunk's extraction team at most four months later. Furthermore, if indeed the outbreak ends up taking place at this "hive" *first*, then we have to deal with the idea that a T-virus outbreak happens right under Raccoon City and no one got infected by it.
2: how the virus was spilled. The movie has the thief saccidentally (?) spilling it when he tries to take it. The game has a disgruntled employee deliberately causing the outbreak to fuck shit up for the company. (for the record, that employee had been shot to death 20 years ago by the company's paramilitary squads because he was getting too powerful with his advances with the virus. Um, yeah, I'd be pissed too.) Okay, its possible that the virus outbreak in the movie is one completely unrelated to any of the ones in the games. But that still means that there was a T-virus outbreak in the same facility *twice*, (because, really, Birkin's place is the only place it *could be*) which is kinda goofy.
3: the licker/hunter thing. Now, I seriously do not understand *what* Paul Anderson was smoking when he wrote this in, but he could not be more wrong about, well, anything in that scene. *First*, Lickers are *not* biological experiments. They are what happens when a human gets hit with the T-virus twice, which explains why they basically look like humans turned inside out, plus the claws and the, uh, tongue. *Second*, Lickers and Hunters are *completely different creatures*. A licker is not going to turn into a Hunter no matter *how* much it eats, period. *Nor* will it turn into a seven-foot-tall Licker, either, which is by the way the *next* problem with the scenario, namely that Hunters don't look a goddamn thing like that! Hunters were the (quite cool, IMHO) two-foot tall green lizard things with huge freakin' claws which would slash you across your hamstrings to immobilize you and then slice your head off while you're standing helpless. Hunters *were* the genetically-engineered killing machines, and they were very good at it. Lickers and Hunters are so completely *different* that its hard to find qualities that are *similar* about them. Furthermore, that huge seven-foot-tall thing at the end of the movie is something that the creators just *made up*, which they have *no* right to do, thank you very much.
The other huge problem I have with the movie is its incredibly idiotic way it treats zombies. Zombies, in this movie, act much more intelligently and are much stronger than they by any rights should be. A zombie, upon seeing something it can eat, will walk slowly towards that thing and attempt to eat it. No questions asked. It will not stand there looking at you hungrilly, it will not hiss at you, and it damn sure will not *lunge* at you. Zombies to not contain the muscle structure *to* lunge at you. If a zombie were to lunge at someone, it would fall down with a broken ankle. And, as I've touched on before, zombies never, *ever* start *hissing* at you and baring teeth at you aggressively, because they are not *aggressive*. All they see is food, eat. They don't hiss. They moan and groan pathetically. Seriously, any zombie horror-watcher, anywhere, knows this shit better than the creators of Resident Evil, and the fact that I have to spell it out for them in this forum is just sad.
The first problem I'll go into is that it and the games contradict each other on three very obvious points, which I will go into now because I am a raving Resident Evil fan and it does not deserve to get raped the way the Paul Anderson movie did to it. I mean, they *had* a script written by *George frigging Romarrow*, for crissakes, and while it was laughably hokey in several spots it could have been rewritten into something awesome.
1. Timing and location. I'm going to *assume* that the mansion the movie starts out in is the Spencer mansion which you get so personally acquainted with in the first RE game. I am further going to assume that the outbreak in question is the outbreak which takes place in the first RE game. I will *furthermore* make a good guess that the "hive" is the complex of labbs under Raccoon City which you hang around in for the latter half of RE2, by the wayy that there's a huge train ride from the mansion to the hive. There's only one problem with this scenario: this movie, and don't believe what that dumbfuck narrator is telling you, must be taking place a few days after May 11th, 1998. If we assume that William Birkin's complex from RE2, which takes place on September 29th and 30th 1998, is the one that gets shut down at the end of the movie, then we *also* have to assume that Umbrella, Inc. decided to break their fully-sealed T-virus-infected laboratory open to give Birkin a place to work, only to lose it to Hunk's extraction team at most four months later. Furthermore, if indeed the outbreak ends up taking place at this "hive" *first*, then we have to deal with the idea that a T-virus outbreak happens right under Raccoon City and no one got infected by it.
2: how the virus was spilled. The movie has the thief saccidentally (?) spilling it when he tries to take it. The game has a disgruntled employee deliberately causing the outbreak to fuck shit up for the company. (for the record, that employee had been shot to death 20 years ago by the company's paramilitary squads because he was getting too powerful with his advances with the virus. Um, yeah, I'd be pissed too.) Okay, its possible that the virus outbreak in the movie is one completely unrelated to any of the ones in the games. But that still means that there was a T-virus outbreak in the same facility *twice*, (because, really, Birkin's place is the only place it *could be*) which is kinda goofy.
3: the licker/hunter thing. Now, I seriously do not understand *what* Paul Anderson was smoking when he wrote this in, but he could not be more wrong about, well, anything in that scene. *First*, Lickers are *not* biological experiments. They are what happens when a human gets hit with the T-virus twice, which explains why they basically look like humans turned inside out, plus the claws and the, uh, tongue. *Second*, Lickers and Hunters are *completely different creatures*. A licker is not going to turn into a Hunter no matter *how* much it eats, period. *Nor* will it turn into a seven-foot-tall Licker, either, which is by the way the *next* problem with the scenario, namely that Hunters don't look a goddamn thing like that! Hunters were the (quite cool, IMHO) two-foot tall green lizard things with huge freakin' claws which would slash you across your hamstrings to immobilize you and then slice your head off while you're standing helpless. Hunters *were* the genetically-engineered killing machines, and they were very good at it. Lickers and Hunters are so completely *different* that its hard to find qualities that are *similar* about them. Furthermore, that huge seven-foot-tall thing at the end of the movie is something that the creators just *made up*, which they have *no* right to do, thank you very much.
The other huge problem I have with the movie is its incredibly idiotic way it treats zombies. Zombies, in this movie, act much more intelligently and are much stronger than they by any rights should be. A zombie, upon seeing something it can eat, will walk slowly towards that thing and attempt to eat it. No questions asked. It will not stand there looking at you hungrilly, it will not hiss at you, and it damn sure will not *lunge* at you. Zombies to not contain the muscle structure *to* lunge at you. If a zombie were to lunge at someone, it would fall down with a broken ankle. And, as I've touched on before, zombies never, *ever* start *hissing* at you and baring teeth at you aggressively, because they are not *aggressive*. All they see is food, eat. They don't hiss. They moan and groan pathetically. Seriously, any zombie horror-watcher, anywhere, knows this shit better than the creators of Resident Evil, and the fact that I have to spell it out for them in this forum is just sad.
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Vitriola
Synopsis: Captain Nathan Algren is a man adrift. The battles he once fought now seem distant and futile. Once he risked his life for honor and country, but, in the years since the Civil War, the world has changed. Pragmatism has replaced courage, self-interest has taken the place of sacrifice and honor is nowhere to be found--especially out West where his role in the Indian Campaigns ended in disillusionment and sorrow. Somewhere on the unforgiving plains near the banks of the Washita River, Algren lost his soul. A universe away, another soldier sees his way of life about to disintegrate. He is Katsumoto, the last leader of an ancient line of warriors, the venerated Samurai, who dedicated their lives to serving emperor and country. Just as the modern way encroached upon the American West, cornering and condemning the Native American, it also engulfed traditional Japan. The telegraph lines and railroads that brought progress now threaten those values and codes by which the Samurai have lived and died for centuries. But Katsumoto will not go without a fight. The paths of these two warriors converge when the young Emperor of Japan, wooed by American interests who covet the growing Japanese market, hires Algren to train Japan's first modern, conscript army. But as the Emperor's advisors attempt to eradicate the Samurai in preparation for a more Westernized and trade-friendly government, Algren finds himself unexpectedly impressed and influenced by his encounters with the Samurai. Their powerful convictions remind him of the man he once was. Thrust now into harsh and unfamiliar territory, with his life and perhaps more important, his soul, in the balance, the troubled American soldier finds himself at the center of a violent and epic struggle between two eras and two worlds, with only his sense of honor to guide him.
No, thanks.
No, thanks.