by Vitriola » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:40 pm
Out of Touch wrote:Hi Vitriola,
I have stumbled upon this site and hope you can help. My teenage son has recently quit his youth soccer club and we suspect him of using (snorting?) marijuana. He also has begun a disturbing habit of dressing in black, massacering his body and worst of all "preening". Though Oprah says otherwise, I went through his room when he was at school.
Well, OoT, I'll give you the good news first. Your son, in turning his back on organized sports, is not an earring-wearing, paisley flaunting, donkey-boy maggot. At this point, you may congratulate yourself on doing one, and only one, thing right in raising him. As for the rest, what do you mean by massacering? Do mean massaging? Macerating? Massacring? If it's the first two, Dad, you may take back your backpats and prepare to move to another state, because your son is, in fact, a homosexual. If it is the third option, however, rest assured that this is normal teenage behavior, that body art has a long, storied tradition, and that he probably knows his way around a knife, which is more than I can say for the palsied lump of conformity that raised him.
Out of Touch wrote:I didn't find an drugs (I don't even know what they look like) but I found some musical CD's that concerned me.
They included Kreig, Impaled Nazarene, Molested, Morpheus Descends and Norwegian Pig Fuckers. I listened to all of them (The last one turned out to be not music, but a pornographic CD ROM that I confiscated, I suspect he got it from the Anderson kid next door).
Well, OoT, this is where you sit yourself down, and say to yourself 'Well, I fucked up, but the kid probably isn't even mine, anyway, so I shall continue paying more attention to my job, sports, what the neighbors are doing, sleep, and urinating than I ever did to my offspring'. See, Dad, your son listens to
USBM, meaning he listens to the bastardization of all that is evil and Norwegian that is
United States Black Metal. Don't you feel ashamed? Your loser son can't even rebel against your stultifying, conventional, stifling, bourgeois lifestyle with any degree of style, intelligence, or taste. You have raised a poseur, and we all know that poseurs are secretly homosexual. Look what you did. Who's the asshole now, Dad?
Out of Touch wrote:Expecting to be appaled, I ended up confused. The lyrics were hard to understand so they wern't offensive, but the screaming and anger was eeire. Needlesy to say I didn't enjoy it or understand it.
Of course you didn't. USBM is the most derivative, vapid, unquestioningly garbage subgenre of metal that has ever existed. The screams aren't nearly as heartfelt because the singers were NOT put out to die on a glacier when they were 3 days old, only to stumble back with the swords of 1,000 undead armies to slaughter their whole family. They do NOT wear the skull fragments of their fallen bandmates who had to be killed because they weren't True enough, and they're from a country where this isn't even LEGAL.
Out of Touch wrote:Now to my question. I want to understand and relate to my child. My therapist said to start with the music he is listening to. I hate this music, but though an internet search I concluded that these were "Black Metal Bands". Are there any "Black Metal Bands" out there that a 45 year old man (who enjoys Fleetwood Mac and Herb Alpert) could listen to and help bridge the gap an between out of touch father and angst ridden son?
This is what you do: Take your snivelling, wannabe, fairy of a son, toss him up against a barbed-wire fence and scream
'Varg Vikernes didn't sacrifice his talent and musical career to end up rotting in jail forever for having removed one of God's precious little pansies from the earth just so I could sit on my ass and watch my own son grow up to be a flaming USBM boybitch! If it's not Norwegian it's CRAP!!!' at which point you shove the selected discographies of Immortal, Dark Funeral, Burzum, Tidfall, Emperor, Aeturnus and Mayhem up his ass and lock him in the basement with nothing but a glacier for company until he learns better. You will know when this has happened because Satan himself will unlock the door and cast you all into eternal perdition. You will die knowing that, for the first time in your pissant little life, you have been a good parent.
--Vitriola
[quote="Out of Touch"]Hi Vitriola,
I have stumbled upon this site and hope you can help. My teenage son has recently quit his youth soccer club and we suspect him of using (snorting?) marijuana. He also has begun a disturbing habit of dressing in black, massacering his body and worst of all "preening". Though Oprah says otherwise, I went through his room when he was at school.[/quote]
Well, OoT, I'll give you the good news first. Your son, in turning his back on organized sports, is not an earring-wearing, paisley flaunting, donkey-boy maggot. At this point, you may congratulate yourself on doing one, and only one, thing right in raising him. As for the rest, what do you mean by massacering? Do mean massaging? Macerating? Massacring? If it's the first two, Dad, you may take back your backpats and prepare to move to another state, because your son is, in fact, a homosexual. If it is the third option, however, rest assured that this is normal teenage behavior, that body art has a long, storied tradition, and that he probably knows his way around a knife, which is more than I can say for the palsied lump of conformity that raised him.
[quote="Out of Touch"]I didn't find an drugs (I don't even know what they look like) but I found some musical CD's that concerned me.
They included Kreig, Impaled Nazarene, Molested, Morpheus Descends and Norwegian Pig Fuckers. I listened to all of them (The last one turned out to be not music, but a pornographic CD ROM that I confiscated, I suspect he got it from the Anderson kid next door).[/quote]
Well, OoT, this is where you sit yourself down, and say to yourself 'Well, I fucked up, but the kid probably isn't even mine, anyway, so I shall continue paying more attention to my job, sports, what the neighbors are doing, sleep, and urinating than I ever did to my offspring'. See, Dad, your son listens to [i]USBM[/i], meaning he listens to the bastardization of all that is evil and Norwegian that is [b][i]United States Black Metal[/i][/b]. Don't you feel ashamed? Your loser son can't even rebel against your stultifying, conventional, stifling, bourgeois lifestyle with any degree of style, intelligence, or taste. You have raised a poseur, and we all know that poseurs are secretly homosexual. Look what you did. Who's the asshole now, Dad?
[quote="Out of Touch"]Expecting to be appaled, I ended up confused. The lyrics were hard to understand so they wern't offensive, but the screaming and anger was eeire. Needlesy to say I didn't enjoy it or understand it.[/quote]
Of course you didn't. USBM is the most derivative, vapid, unquestioningly garbage subgenre of metal that has ever existed. The screams aren't nearly as heartfelt because the singers were NOT put out to die on a glacier when they were 3 days old, only to stumble back with the swords of 1,000 undead armies to slaughter their whole family. They do NOT wear the skull fragments of their fallen bandmates who had to be killed because they weren't True enough, and they're from a country where this isn't even LEGAL.
[quote="Out of Touch"]Now to my question. I want to understand and relate to my child. My therapist said to start with the music he is listening to. I hate this music, but though an internet search I concluded that these were "Black Metal Bands". Are there any "Black Metal Bands" out there that a 45 year old man (who enjoys Fleetwood Mac and Herb Alpert) could listen to and help bridge the gap an between out of touch father and angst ridden son?[/quote]
This is what you do: Take your snivelling, wannabe, fairy of a son, toss him up against a barbed-wire fence and scream [b]'Varg Vikernes didn't sacrifice his talent and musical career to end up rotting in jail forever for having removed one of God's precious little pansies from the earth just so I could sit on my ass and watch my own son grow up to be a flaming USBM boybitch! If it's not Norwegian it's CRAP!!!'[/b] at which point you shove the selected discographies of Immortal, Dark Funeral, Burzum, Tidfall, Emperor, Aeturnus and Mayhem up his ass and lock him in the basement with nothing but a glacier for company until he learns better. You will know when this has happened because Satan himself will unlock the door and cast you all into eternal perdition. You will die knowing that, for the first time in your pissant little life, you have been a good parent.
--Vitriola