Metal question for V

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 3:20 pm

Have you ever heard of a band called "Citron", from the Czech Republic? And if so, how worthwhile are they? All I know is that they're a) from the C.R., hence the interest; and b) have a song called "Radegast," a Czech beer, which indicates that they may be close to my heart. But Soulseek checks haven't turned up anything.

Thanks,
Greg

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 3:39 pm

Researching the homepage of Citron, I find that they a) haven't released an album since 1992, b) That album was called Sexbomby, c) that this change of style from 70s rock to 'heavier metal' was never collated into an actual album, but just the occasional tour and a couple singles, undoubtedly played at local brothels, and d) that they call themselves 'hard rock' with their last album being slightly into the 'heavy metal' realm, which, in 1992 was still being applied to a) Soundgarden, b) the Scorpions, and c) anything louder than the sound of 5 adults and 17 children, all having sex with each other, from the adjacent flat. That they are a) from the 70s, b) not Norwegian, c) completely and totally without corpsepaint or lyrics defaming a) God, b) Jesus, c) Christianity and d) wizards and d) have never played a) Dynamo, b) Ozzfest, c) Wacken, d) Rock In Rio, or e) had a festival in which they headlined, forces me to conclude that they are a) not worth my time, b) probably worth yours since your music sucks, and c) crap.

Olaf · Post by **Olaf** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 3:40 pm

My love for you is like a truck, Berserker
Would you like some making fuck, Berserker
My love for you is like a rock, Berserker

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 3:46 pm

Vitriola wrote:b) That album was called Sexbomby,

An album called "Sexbomby" is BAD?

b) probably worth yours since your music sucks,

:(

Why all this hate?

Greg

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 3:52 pm

gsdgsd wrote:An album called "Sexbomby" is BAD?

An album called Sexbomby is not metal.

I am TRUE METAL! I live, breath, eat,
and drink metal. If it's not metal, it's crap. If
it's on the radio, it's crap. I am quick to
judge for I am the pure one. I know pretty
much everything there is to know about every
type of metal weather it be power metal, old
school metal, death metal, black metal; I
even know a shitload about the poseur nu-metal.
I hate Slipknot and the likes and hope to
annihilate that style of music.

How metal are you?

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 3:57 pm

MOOOOOOre metal.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:03 pm

Vitriola wrote:MOOOOOOre metal.

72 points.

"You are truly a metal master, commanding respect throughout the land. Get yourself a beer, and a steak, and pat yourself on the head. Band the head that doesn't bang, my friend. METAL UP YOUR ASS!! "

Out of Touch · Post by **Out of Touch** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:03 pm

Hi Vitriola,

I have stumbled upon this site and hope you can help. My teenage son has recently quit his youth soccer club and we suspect him of using (snorting?) marijuana. He also has begun a disturbing habit of dressing in black, massacering his body and worst of all "preening". Though Oprah says otherwise, I went through his room when he was at school.

I didn't find an drugs (I don't even know what they look like) but I found some musical CD's that concerned me.

They included Kreig, Impaled Nazarene, Molested, Morpheus Descends and Norwegian Pig Fuckers. I listened to all of them (The last one turned out to be not music, but a pornographic CD ROM that I confiscated, I suspect he got it from the Anderson kid next door). Expecting to be appaled, I ended up confused. The lyrics were hard to understand so they wern't offensive, but the screaming and anger was eeire. Needlesy to say I didn't enjoy it or understand it.

Now to my question. I want to understand and relate to my child. My therapist said to start with the music he is listening to. I hate this music, but though an internet search I concluded that these were "Black Metal Bands". Are there any "Black Metal Bands" out there that a 45 year old man (who enjoys Fleetwood Mac and Herb Alpert) could listen to and help bridge the gap an between out of touch father and angst ridden son?

Out of Touch Dad

Spokane, Washington

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:04 pm

According to the first test, I'm not metal at all. It didn't work.

But the second test...

You got 84 points.

You are truly a metal master, commanding respect throughout the land. Get yourself a beer, and a steak, and pat yourself on the head. Band the head that doesn't bang, my friend. METAL UP YOUR ASS!!

I believe an apology is in order.

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:04 pm

I beat Robb by 12 points, and we get the SAME MESSAGE?

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:10 pm

gsdgsd wrote:I beat Robb by 12 points, and we get the SAME MESSAGE?

I think being able to find that page and answering 'Slayer!!!' at least once is good for at least 67 points.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:11 pm

gsdgsd wrote:I beat Robb by 12 points, and we get the SAME MESSAGE?

How the hell did this happen? It's probably because I said that Cradle of Filth sucked. I guess I was expected to kiss up to them or something.

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:13 pm

Vitriola wrote:I think being able to find that page and answering 'Slayer!!!' at least once is good for at least 67 points.

You're just upset because the page detected my True Metal Essence.

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:17 pm

gsdgsd wrote:b) have a song called "Radegast,"

Wasn't he the Brown Wizard?

Oh. Sorry. Radagast.

My bad.

Bruce

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:40 pm

Out of Touch wrote:Hi Vitriola,

I have stumbled upon this site and hope you can help. My teenage son has recently quit his youth soccer club and we suspect him of using (snorting?) marijuana. He also has begun a disturbing habit of dressing in black, massacering his body and worst of all "preening". Though Oprah says otherwise, I went through his room when he was at school.

Well, OoT, I'll give you the good news first. Your son, in turning his back on organized sports, is not an earring-wearing, paisley flaunting, donkey-boy maggot. At this point, you may congratulate yourself on doing one, and only one, thing right in raising him. As for the rest, what do you mean by massacering? Do mean massaging? Macerating? Massacring? If it's the first two, Dad, you may take back your backpats and prepare to move to another state, because your son is, in fact, a homosexual. If it is the third option, however, rest assured that this is normal teenage behavior, that body art has a long, storied tradition, and that he probably knows his way around a knife, which is more than I can say for the palsied lump of conformity that raised him.

Out of Touch wrote:I didn't find an drugs (I don't even know what they look like) but I found some musical CD's that concerned me.

They included Kreig, Impaled Nazarene, Molested, Morpheus Descends and Norwegian Pig Fuckers. I listened to all of them (The last one turned out to be not music, but a pornographic CD ROM that I confiscated, I suspect he got it from the Anderson kid next door).

Well, OoT, this is where you sit yourself down, and say to yourself 'Well, I fucked up, but the kid probably isn't even mine, anyway, so I shall continue paying more attention to my job, sports, what the neighbors are doing, sleep, and urinating than I ever did to my offspring'. See, Dad, your son listens to USBM, meaning he listens to the bastardization of all that is evil and Norwegian that is United States Black Metal. Don't you feel ashamed? Your loser son can't even rebel against your stultifying, conventional, stifling, bourgeois lifestyle with any degree of style, intelligence, or taste. You have raised a poseur, and we all know that poseurs are secretly homosexual. Look what you did. Who's the asshole now, Dad?

Out of Touch wrote:Expecting to be appaled, I ended up confused. The lyrics were hard to understand so they wern't offensive, but the screaming and anger was eeire. Needlesy to say I didn't enjoy it or understand it.

Of course you didn't. USBM is the most derivative, vapid, unquestioningly garbage subgenre of metal that has ever existed. The screams aren't nearly as heartfelt because the singers were NOT put out to die on a glacier when they were 3 days old, only to stumble back with the swords of 1,000 undead armies to slaughter their whole family. They do NOT wear the skull fragments of their fallen bandmates who had to be killed because they weren't True enough, and they're from a country where this isn't even LEGAL.

Out of Touch wrote:Now to my question. I want to understand and relate to my child. My therapist said to start with the music he is listening to. I hate this music, but though an internet search I concluded that these were "Black Metal Bands". Are there any "Black Metal Bands" out there that a 45 year old man (who enjoys Fleetwood Mac and Herb Alpert) could listen to and help bridge the gap an between out of touch father and angst ridden son?

This is what you do: Take your snivelling, wannabe, fairy of a son, toss him up against a barbed-wire fence and scream 'Varg Vikernes didn't sacrifice his talent and musical career to end up rotting in jail forever for having removed one of God's precious little pansies from the earth just so I could sit on my ass and watch my own son grow up to be a flaming USBM boybitch! If it's not Norwegian it's CRAP!!!' at which point you shove the selected discographies of Immortal, Dark Funeral, Burzum, Tidfall, Emperor, Aeturnus and Mayhem up his ass and lock him in the basement with nothing but a glacier for company until he learns better. You will know when this has happened because Satan himself will unlock the door and cast you all into eternal perdition. You will die knowing that, for the first time in your pissant little life, you have been a good parent.

--Vitriola

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:52 pm

You got 80 points.

You are truly a metal master, commanding respect throughout the land. Get yourself a beer, and a steak, and pat yourself on the head. Band the head that doesn't bang, my friend. METAL UP YOUR ASS!!

I didn't answer Slayer once.

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:54 pm

Vitriola wrote:'Varg Vikernes didn't sacrifice his talent and musical career to end up rotting in jail forever

Wasn't he in Citron?

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:55 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:12 pm

Vitriola wrote:DIE.

Why are you being so mean to my friend, Metal Girl?

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:15 pm

Yea, no reason to be mean just because he didn't google or throw the name in allmusic.com. Who cares who has musical knowledge? It's all on the 'net for free.

Metal question for V

Metal question for V

What to do?

Re: Metal question for V

Re: What to do?

Re: What to do?