I Finally Won a Fucking Fantasy League

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

JOLT COUNTRY FUN FAX: Like in 199x, a bunch of Saints fans and I did a fantasy league that I won. But half the teams gave up halfway through. I basically had my pick of the waiver wire on Wednesday! I don't count that as a win, as it was also for no money.

So I've never won a real league.

The closest I ever came was in my fantasy baseball league. I did something like win 12 straight weeks or some shit and lost in the finals.

So here are the dudes in my brother's fantasy football league that led me to victory:

QB: Drew Brees, Saints
RB: Darrin Sproles, Saints
RB: Michael Filippe J. Suckmonger, Falcons
WR: Brandon Lloyd, Patriots
WR: Calvin Johnson, Lions
TE: Heath Miller, Steelers
K: Mason Crosby, Packers
Flex: Danny Woodhead, Patriots
D: Navaro Bowman, 49ers
D: James Harrison, Steelers
D: Thomas Davis, Panthers

Bench: Andrew Luck, Mark Ingram, Bilal Powell, Josh Gordon, Charles Johnson, Ahmad Brooks. The only real decision I had was to start Thomas Davis or Ahmad Brooks. Since Brooks has a Muslim name and the 49ers were playing in Seattle, I went with Davis, since there was no way he wouldn't be allowed to fly.

My "keepers" were Brees and Johnson, meaning that I won a league where I didn't keep any running backs, which I feel offers a "Degree of Difficulty" not really seen in - oh, whastever, I won.

What will I do with the $800? I will put it in my savings account and fire all my employees because they voted for Obama.