I have a new cooking video available!

[Tdarcos]

Whether or not facetious, a number of posters on Caltrops asked for "moar cooking videos please." So, I decided to do one I wanted to do for quite a while.

I've posted one on YouTube where I make Tuna Helper Fettuccine Alfredo. The video will be at http://youtu.be/0UptOzvuiBA or at the inline below.

Since I was using multiple cameras to do this I had to make sure they all matched, so the video is standard 640x480, not High Definition. It's 9 minutes, 45 seconds.

[youtube][/youtube]

As I noted at Caltrops, the box on the bottom-right corner makes the video full screen but that apparently does not work here, only when viewing on YouTube.

[AArdvark]

Whoa! Multiple camera shoot! Pretty soon you're gonna need a cinematographer and art director. I need a better wi-fi connection before I see it , tho.


THE
FUTURE CANNES
FILM FETIVAL
AARDVARK

[milker]

You got a little crazy with the milk there. Every time milk is spilt a cows udder scabs over!

I really liked the camera angles and the cinematography on this. It puts Crouching Tuna, Hidden Snapper to shame!

[milker]

You mention several times your concern about stickage to the bottom of the pan. Will you be doing a revision to this video where you may offer suggestions to sticking, cheese juice? I liked that was a concern through out the video and just want to make sure your viewers know what you have done to remedy this from first hand experience. Have you considered adding Tabasco to pack some heat in that noodle concoction?

Thanks in advance!

[Tdarcos]

You mention several times your concern about stickage to the bottom of the pan. Will you be doing a revision to this video where you may offer suggestions to sticking, cheese juice? I liked that was a concern through out the video and just want to make sure your viewers know what you have done to remedy this from first hand experience. Have you considered adding Tabasco to pack some heat in that noodle concoction?

Thanks in advance!

I always have a problem with a little bit - call it about the equivalent of two or three tablespoons - of the material sticking to the bottom of the pan. It comes off with a scrubber sponge but it's still some clean-up necessary at the end.

And no, I would not use Tabasco® sauce, I do not want more heat, I find the flavor very good and would not want it spicier. I prefer my Scoville units at zero for Fettucini Alfredo, thank you.

[AArdvark]

Will you please tape a camera to the spoon handle so we can see tuna noodles becoming soft in a close up manner?



THE
DARING ANGLES
AARDVARK

[Flack]

For a special treat last night, instead of taking Aardvark and Jonsey out for dinner, I decided to follow this recipe and prepare this dish for them. Unfortunately my Internet connection is laggy and the video jumped around a bit and I missed a few important steps, like removing the tuna from the can.

I don't want to speak for the guys, but I think we all agreed that eating this dish with the tuna still inside the can was a little too crunchy and metallic-tasting to our liking.

[AArdvark]

Yeah but the tuna syrup was great! Nothing better than fresh squeezed tuna straight from the can.

The casserole video was very entertaining, btw. Watching it the third time was just as good as the first.


THE
BETTER WITH AGE
AARDVARK

[Tdarcos]

This message has been removed because it was the wrong thing to say, and it was said in anger.

[Tdarcos]

Yeah but the tuna syrup was great! Nothing better than fresh squeezed tuna straight from the can.

The casserole video was very entertaining, btw. Watching it the third time was just as good as the first.

It actually does work quite well as leftovers, doesn't it? Some food just can't be saved, it just becomes inedible if it sits overnight. I'm going to make some of that type of food for my next video as I note below.

Will you please tape a camera to the spoon handle so we can see tuna noodles becoming soft in a close up manner?

I'm not equipped to do food porn.

Noticing how much you all liked this one, I'm going to make one on slop. Watch for it.

[Turing Test]

Please do everyone a favor and kill yourself before you breed and pass on your stupidity in your genetic material. Expecially if you were to find some woman stupid enough to have sex with you. (I don't have to say more, since any woman stupid enough to do that would be too stupid to know how to use contraception.)

FAIL!!! You know he has kids so why copy this in? FAIL!

[Flack]

Unfortunately my Internet connection is laggy and the video jumped around a bit and I missed a few important steps, like removing the tuna from the can.

I don't want to speak for the guys, but I think we all agreed that eating this dish with the tuna still inside the can was a little too crunchy and metallic-tasting to our liking.

You're an idiot. Don't try to kid a kidder, and don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining.

You tube does not stutter. I've watched it on a bad Verizon DSL connection that was so slow I'd never be able to watch even a full 5-minute video. (Something like what Don Rogers gets from his ISP, Two-Cans-and-a-String Telephone Company.) But YouTube never loses frames. If there isn't enough bandwidth, it doesn't stutter, it stalls.

I've mentioned this a number of times in my blog about how YouTube always delivers video flawlessly and some companies with lots of money want to put video on their website, can't get it right, and they end up doing video worse than YouTube. YouTube caches the video you're watching during delivery and shows it on a stored basis. If you rerun a video after you watched it, it doesn't matter what your Internet connection is, the video shows immediately because the Flash-based video player has stored it locally.

When you are receiving a video from YouTube, if your internet connection is slow, you don't get stutter, you get a spinner and the video stalls until enough can be delivered to you to show the next segment, then the video starts up again until either it consumes whatever it has cached or the video is over. YouTube never misses frames.

Your own words indicate clearly that you are both too incompetent to operate a blanket and too dumb to live. Please do everyone a favor and kill yourself before you breed and pass on your stupidity in your genetic material. Expecially if you were to find some woman stupid enough to have sex with you. (I don't have to say more, since any woman stupid enough to do that would be too stupid to know how to use contraception.)

So ... I'm an idiot who should kill myself, and my wife is stupid?

The only thing worse than your hygiene and your dumb fucking videos is your manners, you lazy fucking cripple.

You and I, my friend, are finished. And by "my friend" I mean "I can't wait until your slovenly ass gets food poisoning from sucking the drained tuna sauce off your own fatty sausage fingers."

While you struggle to get out of your fucking motorized wheelchair and into your bed tonight, know that I spent a wonderful evening with my wife and my two children who love me more than anything. What did you do today for Father's Day, Paul? Who loves you] more than anything? Who hugged you before you went to bed tonight?

It's hard to take anything coming out of your mouth too serious when your breath smells like a combination of ptomaine and your own spunk. The next time you are sitting in a dark room that reeks of your own body odor and sadness and you find yourself thinking about slurping up another palm full of your own jizz, ask yourself if there's anybody on this planet that would give a flying fuck if you were to die in your sleep that night.

You might want to think twice before insulting my family again, you rolling piece of shit. Should you find the urge to do so again however, print this post out, notarize it, and if you can even reach it anymore, stick it up your slimy ass.

[Tdarcos]

I'm removing my response because I realize that I said a few things in anger that I should not have and rather than expand this issue further I am dropping it.

I should not have referenced other people and I apologize for doing so.

If Flack has decided he no longer will bother with me that is his choice and I'm sorry it happened. I can understand his reasons even if I think he's somewhat thin-skinned about it.

If the opinions of someone like me, by his own remarks he considers to be subhuman, are that bothersome to him, well, maybe it was bound to happen. Since I'm, by his comments, such a worthless person, sooner or later I was going to say something insulting. Though I cannot understand why, if he has thought of me in such a low fashion that what I had to say would bother him that much.

I'm certainly disappointed that he has made that decision but it was his choice, and so be it.

[Tdarcos]

You know he has kids so why copy this in?

Actually when I wrote it I did not know he had kids. I was lashing out in anger over his insulting of me. I should not have referenced other people in my comments.

[RetroR]

You and I, my friend, are finished.

If you have decided this, all I can say is that I'm sorry you're so thin skinned that one half-person, upset by what you said about him, can insult you so badly in response you're willing to walk away.

As a snide half remark, you used the crudest and most offensive language to vaguely and in a general sense, insult his family. It wasn't even a fully formed remark as you just side longed into it to solicit a response and... Well... That is neither clever nor worthy of his time and honestly, the fact your rantings have swayed over into being offensive for the sake of being offensive (as opposed to being even mildly coherent or well formed), doesn't serve to inspire anyone here to give you credit even when your insightful.

Jesus man, you pointedly said that the woman he loves was...

[...] stupid enough to have sex with you. (I don't have to say more, since any woman stupid enough to do that would be too stupid to know how to use contraception.)

You crudely insulted his wife and children because you couldn't think of anything better to say.

I've given you quite a bit of credit and understanding but these posts have stopped being entertaining and have become for their own unique reasons, pathetically trite. Seriously man, shape up or ship out.

[Tdarcos]

I've given you quite a bit of credit and understanding but these posts have stopped being entertaining and have become for their own unique reasons, pathetically trite. Seriously man, shape up or ship out.

You're right. I've hurt someone because I was angry at what he said and lashed out about it. There is no point in continuing.

[Flack]

He's just like a retarded kid, who sees other people rough housing or wrestling around and then shows up and starts hitting people because he doesn't know the difference.

The thing is ... and I guess I've heard this all my life but hadn't really experienced it as an adult ... but I guess it's really true, stupid people don't know they're stupid. Again, it's like that retarded kid that kids would sit by on the bus and make fun of, and the kid had no idea that he was constantly being made fun of. He was so lonely, so tired of not having real human interaction, that he mistook the mocking and ribbing of other kids as some sort of real interaction.

But yeah, no, I get it. Tdarcos listens to Ben's show and the only way he can get on there is act a fool and be the butt of not only the jokes he participates in, but the show in general. And he doesn't see it. He doesn't see that people want to hear him not because of the value of his input, but because it's funny that he doesn't know that he's the butt of the entire show. He simply lacks the ability to determine the difference between people laughing with him and laughing at him.

Trust me, Paul, everybody is laughing at you. Only, I'm not laughing anymore. I get that you listen to Ben's show and now, as that retard on the bus that really doesn't understand the nuances, you think you can come here and be a fucking dickhead for no reason; that people will read your posts or listen to what you have to say if you come in here randomly insulting people in the rudest of manners, people will think you're funny or give a flip about what you have to say.

Well guess what, you rolling flesh lump: nobody gives a flying fuck about what you have to say. Most of all, me.

It gives me no greater joy to know that while the rest of us are interacting with people we love this morning and are preparing to go to work and contribute to society in general, you will be sitting along in your cesspool of a room today, essentially waiting around to die. Maybe you'll do another video for the world to mock, or maybe you'll add another ten thousand words to a rambling novel that you couldn't pay anybody to read, but essentially, you'll just sit there and rot away a little more. And someday you will die and someone else will come in there with a snow shovel and scoop up the kittle of your existence and put it in a trash dumpster and that will be the end of Paul Rogers' mark on this planet. There will be no people crying at your funeral, no loving tributes written about a man -- hah, a "man" -- who did anything for anybody. Just a bunch of people on the Internet, sitting around, still laughing at you.

So while you're sitting in that room there of yours today, and thinking about writing rude comments about someone else's family on the Internet, think about that, you greasy fuckhole.

[pinback]

For me, the core of the issue is that Paul wrote a long, hateful, angry response to a joke. A joke that wasn't even offensive or mean-spirited, which is pretty rare around these parts!

Right? I got this right, right?

Paul? Why can't you tell when things are jokes?

[Tdarcos]

Trust me, Paul, everybody is laughing at you. Only, I'm not laughing anymore. I get that you listen to Ben's show and now, as that retard on the bus that really doesn't understand the nuances, you think you can come here and be a fucking dickhead for no reason;

Whereas in your case I guess you feel you have some additional reason to be one. I hope you really feel better about it, now having made a second tirade.

I realized I made a mistake, I said something without thinking. I apologized. You came back with a really nasty and cutting commentary in which you proceeded to carve me a new asshole. And, in all probability, perhaps I deserved it.

Realizing how bad what I said was, and how much it had upset you, I deleted what I said so that I could at least try to take back what I said.

Now, I guess you feel you have so much anger that the only thing you think is appropriate is to come back and take another swipe at my existence. You proceed to call me a "fucking dickhead", after I went to the trouble to admit I was wrong, apologize and make some effort to mitigate the damage, and then in response you issue a second, fresh insult to me. After you already essentially said or implied that I did not understand what I was doing.

Maybe you think that's appropriate.

It gives me no greater joy to know that [tirade continues] think about that, you greasy fuckhole.

Please. Either you're lying to me or you're lying to yourself. To repeat the quote I used before, don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining. Clearly the throwing of a second round of insults at me gives you a great deal of joy or you wouldn't have taken a second round at me. Unless you're some sort of masochist who likes saying hurtful things about other people because it makes you feel so bad to do so.

I'm going to try to take the high road here, and just say that I pity you, that your only choice of option is to take additional swipes upon a cripple who you are aware has very little direct personal interaction with other people. Perhaps if I had not apologized or made some effort to try and fix the problem I'd deserve a second round of attacks, but I don't think so.

But if you have decided that you "were" my friend, and you can be so petty in the way you've acted, well, I guess I'm glad I no longer have "friends" like you.

Understand that I never bore you any malice and I was not trying to be personal. I just have a very low threshold of being told I'm incompetent and I lashed out in anger.

Perhaps the way I said what I said sounded like I meant it as a personal insult. In which case, again, I apologize, I should. perhaps, have taken time to think about it.

I feel sorry for you as you wallow in hatred and misery. I make mistakes, when I realize I have I try to fix them if I can. When someone else does something wrong I usually try to accept when they admit it.

And in either case, I move on.

But apparently your only option is to continue with meanspiritedness and hatred. And I'll tell you this, it does you no good to give other people that much power over you.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I'm removing my response because I realize that I said a few things in anger that I should not have and rather than expand this issue further I am dropping it.

I told you I'd re-enable editing posts as long as you and others didn't do EXACTLY THIS.

Editing posts has been turned off and will never be re-enabled. Especially since I have to set permissions for each base individually in phpBB.