[Review] The Omen

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Jun 10, 2006 2:33 pm

REVIEW OF THE MOVIE: Worst movie I have ever seen. Minus infinity stars out of plus-infinity.

REVIEW OF THE THEATER: The ArcLight in Hollywood is the coolest place of all time. Reserved seats, perfect picture/sound, and a really nice restaurant in the lobby where the time of your movie is printed on the table so the waitstaff know how fast to get your stuff. 1,000 Overpriced Drinks out of 1,000.

REVIEW OF THE FOUR JACKASSES BEHIND US: The ArcLight is interesting in that before each movie, a human being actually comes out, gives you the rundown of the movie, who's in it, and then lays out the rules of the theather. No cellphones, no text messaging devices, and no talking. I can say that I didn't hear a phone ring behind us, but that was probably because it was drowned out by the din of the roundtable discussion going on back there. "Fuck, he shot that guy!" Yes, yes he did. He did shoot that guy. Nicely done.

REVIEW OF MYSELF LAYING THE HURT DOWN ON THE FOUR JACKASSES BEHIND US: Ten gang-shootings out of Ten. While everyone else in the row was just doing the "look-back-and-glare", and then occasional half-hearted "shh", I turned around and said: "Hey, guys, why don't you talk about it later?" BOOM. Shut those fuckers up but good. Although in retrospect, their conversation was probably more entertaining than the movie itself. This seems like a non-incident for most of you, but for me it was the first time I risked getting my ass beat or killed in a theater by a bunch of crips and/or bloods. The fact that I chose to do it in front of my date garners me extra high ratings for this maneuver. Vx, you said every once in a while you gotta show you're willing to get your ass kicked. Well, that was pretty close.

REVIEW OF THE MOVIE, AGAIN, FOR THOSE WHO MISSED IT AT THE BEGINNING: The worst movie of all time.

REVIEW OF THE MOVIE BY MY DATE: "I kinda liked it!"

REVIEW OF MY DATE'S TASTE IN MOVIES: EFF MINUS.

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Sat Jun 10, 2006 5:01 pm

I want to see the original. I saw 20 minutes of it when I was 8 or so, and was very scared.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Jun 10, 2006 5:45 pm

God help me, this movie was so boring that I gave up trying to be interested in the plot, and just joined the rest of the crowd laughing and hooting and hollering whenever someone got a sharp stick through the face or their head cut off.

(Which didn't happen nearly enough.)

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sun Jun 11, 2006 2:06 pm

Which brings me to ask...Why did they even bother remaking it? Did they add anything that the original movie lacked? Did the original movie actually lack anything? Does this mean that they will never re-release the original on the silver screen again? (yes). Is Omen II on for remake? Actually, I've seen it and it's still not done yet, heh.

THE
8 BUCKS
FOR ZERO STARS
AARDVARK

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Jun 11, 2006 2:17 pm

Yeah, exactly. You would think that someone could have come up with a new idea for 6/6/2006 and not had to go back to the well.

But hey, this is the same industry that looked at 50 years of X-Men stories, said, "FUCK YALL" and came up with a brilliant piece about throwing cars at people. So I really have no right to question them.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Jun 28, 2006 10:21 am

Welcome to all of our new friends!!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:43 pm

This thread lives... again!

(I only locked it because the spammers were constantly trying to update it with their cock formula.)