A call to Jonsey regarding X-men 3

[Guest]

ICJ, I eagerly await your review of this turkey.

[AArdvark]

hEARD IT WAS ok

never seen it myself. or any of the xmen comics or movies so I am out of the critics process.

i, at one time did posess NOVA issues 1-6. i thought tnhey sucked tho. so i sold them for spider man 120 somethings

nova

THE
DOH!
AARDVARK

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

ICJ, I eagerly await your review of this turkey.

In the Internet Age, movies that you otherwise wouldn't think twice about get a host of amateur Roeberts (Ebert + Roeper) just going off on them because there are no consequences towards making fun of a movie.

Unless you said something like, "Remember the Titans was an okay movie, except for all the nigs and lack of rapeable little white girls." I guess there are consequences for that.

X-Men 3 is the kind of movie that these people will rip far, long and wide. It's basically a war movie, except that the soldiers all have stupid powers. You can't dare to like this movie if you're a comic book fan because characters get killed for no reason. Cyclops dies early -- one of the most resilent characters in Marvel history, taken out just like that. Phoenix dies? BFD. Professor X? He's died and come back to life more times than anyone would like to admit. However, when Phoenix is fighting him, Patrick Stewart does finally get the Namor-style eyebrows they give to the source material, though.

Kelsey Grammer steals the show as the Beast. The movie is full of plotholes, glitches and stupidity (including a Ed Wood-style shift from light to dark for the film's final battle) but it's not worth getting upset about. Hollywood has been making stupid movies for years -- this one, while stupid, is at least not offensive, if you can imagine an difference.

With the reams of source material available, I am always amazed that a couple of nobody screenwriters will go, "Hmmmm, no, *I* can do better," and then offer up a putrid, stinking story. That is what was done here. The two clowns that wrote this thing are far, FAR inferior to comic book writers. I hope that hits home for them, but I am sure they don't care. Nobody cares.

This isn't a horrible movie, and it suuuure ain't a good one.

** out of five.

[Debaser]

X-Men 3 is the kind of movie that these people will rip far, long and wide. It's basically a war movie, except that the soldiers all have stupid powers.

My favorite character in the movie was that pufferfish chink. He had the least threatening mutant power since Cypher, and yet insisted on carrying himself like a total badass. He would totally try to intimidate everyone by sticking his little spikes out of his head like he didn't realize they could just immolate him at a whim or wrap a Chevy Contour around face while he was busy trying to get them to run into him. His one big moment was killing an elderly doctor by tricking her into hugging him. And Magneto just totally bought it. He sent Regenerating Limb Guy and Melt Soldiers With His Breath Guy in to die on the front lines, and kept the World's Deadliest Slam Dancer in reserve to botch Worthington's assassination. Absolutely brilliant.

I didn't dislike the movie that much. It was mildly entertaining, and I actually appreciate them thinning the roster a bit if they're going to make more of these things. They never had any clue what to do with Cyclops in the movies anyway, and seeing Jean-Luc Picard pop like an overripe melon was fun. It was only really annoying because the previous one was about a thousand times better.

************1/2 out of *************************4/5

I was extremely happy that the theater we saw this at didn't show one of those fucking Fandango commercials, except that they replaced it with about 20 minutes of behind the scenes footage of "2 Fast / 2 Furious: Even Paul Walker Won't Return Our Phone Calls This Time, So We're Just Going to Base The Entire Movie Around One Stunt".

[Vitriola]

The almost sex scene was really hot. 4/5.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

They made Famke, who is one of those women in Hollywood that the average guy probably does stand a chance with, look like the boy in that one, possibly memepooled, painting of the boy with all those hands coming out of the darkness.

Anyone recall the name of that pic? It's Internet Famous. But I don't recall the name.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Here it is.