Jolt Country

The Sherwin Brothers present an NFL mock draft!

http://www.joltcountry.com/features/2005draft.html

Nobody proofread it yet, so I'm sure it's full of hilarious spelling and grammar errors that make us both look like a couple of inbred cornchucks. I'll re-read it tomorrow, I'm exhausted, I savaged like 8 football teams tonight.

Great way to make sure that the link works!

http://www.joltcountry.com/features/2005draft.html
try this!

Apparently, Rich Gannon never played for Tampa Bay and I was too stupid to remember that he broke his neck playing for the Raiders.

My bad. Ignore that, please.

Part two is up!

http://www.joltcountry.com/features/2005draft.html


That's right! http://www.joltcountry.com/features/2005draft.html
http://www.joltcountry.com/features/2005draft.html
http://www.joltcountry.com/features/2005draft.html
!!!

This is THE most entertaining mock draft that anybody knows of. You have to let go the fact that there's a good chance that I can't remember what team some washed-up ex-MVP plays for, and there's probably more typos than correct picks listed, BUT STILL. You get this information NO WHERE ELSE!

This thing is just extremely impressive. I know that, given my history, there's no way I'll be able to say anything genuine and have it be received as such, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

These two people, between themselves, appear to know more about football than I know about everything I know anything about put together. And they still have enough brainmatter left to dress themselves. Not well, mind you, but dress themselves nonetheless.

I don't blame them for only getting 4 out of their 32 picks correct, because if you took the best meal I've ever cooked, added it to the smoothest landing I've ever done, and multiply it by the rockin'est riff I've ever jammed, and redirected it into an entertaining rundown of an NFL draft, it wouldn't even begin to approach the first third of the first page of that thing.

Anyway, there's no chance this will be accepted as irony-free, so I'll just give up.

(But it is amazing.)

(But they did only get 4 out of 32 correct. Hell, even *I* knew Aaron Rogers wouldn't go #2, and I can barely tell the difference between a football and a meatball. (*) )






(*) "Catch me having spaghetti at his house!"

pinback wrote:(But they did only get 4 out of 32 correct. Hell, even *I* knew Aaron Rogers wouldn't go #2, and I can barely tell the difference between a football and a meatball. (*) )

I was really upset with the fact that I learned that Aaron Rodgers was coached in college by the guy who gave us:

Akili Smith
Joey Harrington
David Carr
Trent Dilfer
Kyle Boller

If I had known that before we did the mock draft I would have left Aaron Rodgers out of the first round completely. Also, he said he wears a Joe Montana shirt under his jersey.

(And when interviewed after Green Bay selected him he stated that Brett Favre was his favorite quarterback since Joe Montana retired. What a front running fucking maggot. )

...

... Leaving him out of the first round entirely would have meant that we would have got the pick wrong anyway, so I don't know what point I had here. Anyway, this signals the beginnings of BIG THINGS here at Jolt Country. 2005 will be the year we put this pathetic website back on the map.

the amazing part is that I was able to get Jesse Campbel right and Fabian whahtver right, and Robb YOU FUCKED ME WITH THE Troy Williamson pick and I'll never forgive you.

Mike Sherwin wrote:the amazing part is that I was able to get Jesse Campbel right and Fabian whahtver right, and Robb YOU FUCKED ME WITH THE Troy Williamson pick and I'll never forgive you.

You were the guy that sent Mike Williams to the Bears.

Here's the low part of the draft for me -- surprise! It's Chris Berman. His two adventures into my hopes that someone rips his tongue out sooner rather than later:

1) His fucking cheerleading to have the Packers take known bitch Aaron Rodgers before the pick came up. "PICK HIM!!! COME ON!!! PICK HIM!!!!" ... over and over again. Berman can't say anything just once! It was totally out of place for him to just start screaming at... who, Tags? Who knows.

2) His awkward (painfully awkward) attempt to make a Ted Nugent joke when kicker Mike Nugent was taken by the Jets. "Kick Scratch Fever!!!" -- Chris Berman LOL!!! Jesus Christ.

Between that and his humming of the Scarecrow's theme from Wizard of Oz during every Marc Bulger highlight Chris Berman is responsible for some of the worst fucking moments of television each and every year.