DVD Designing Faggotry Reaches New Low

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

The worst people at their jobs are DVD Designers. Nothing is ever their fault! Wait, let me back up.

Working again, like the rest of you, has keyed me into the true value of leisure time. For Christ's Sake, sometimes you just want to kick back with a fucking DVD and zone out for a little bit. Continually frustrating this effort are the DVDs themselves.

It's never mentioned as a reason for piracy, but it ought to be -- if I go and steal "Ocean's Twelve" off the Internet I wouldn't know that the dumb fuckers who designed the disc eliminated the ability to go to the Title Menu.

I've seen designers try every trick in the book but that. "You can't fast-forward the previews! You can't go to the Title Menu yet! You can't use your DVD player as you want, it's how we want!" Normally this is no big deal because the old DVD player I have features an ability to bypass their stupid faggotry and just let me access what I want when I want. Well, I guess the old Apex was finally outmatched, because the stupid shits who put together the aforementioned "Ocean's Twelve" did something they couldn't predict.

After watching the thing I thought I'd go to the Title Menu and see if there were deleted scenes. But that function was turned off! Now, there IS a Title Menu... it pops up after four (!!!) previews which they would love it if you watched. But that's the only way to get to the Title Menu.

Jaw drops.

And of course, every DVD designer I've seen on the Internet is a bendover fucking coward. "We just do what the client asks! Hee hee hee!" Life isn't frustrating enough, no, the Studio demands that simple shit like going backwards or forwards can't be supported and these little worms LET IT HAPPEN. Show some fucking professional diginity, assholes. (I don't suspect any of them read this site, but if they find it like that guy who loved Gord Ash did, then all the better.) If someone goes to a civil engineer and asks for a bridge made out of balsa wood they say "No, that's not safe." If someone asks a mechanical engineer for a sprocket created out of frozen snake venom they will explain the problems therein. Not DVD designers. When "fast forward" and "go to the title screen" are asked to be knocked off they gladly let it happen.

...

... I guess the person really at fault is the worm from the studio who asks for these things. But we expect nothing out of them and wouldn't consider them to really be human life forms, so trying to get that sort of person to change isn't a worthwhile endeavor.

At any rate. People are fucking tired when they get home. Having them try to manuever around their DVD remotes like Dr. Rubick's worst creation yet isn't the way to go.

[chris]

At any rate. People are fucking tired when they get home. Having them try to manuever around their DVD remotes like Dr. Rubick's worst creation yet isn't the way to go.

And what was I saying about everything in our lives being overly complex?

I hate previews. No, I hate previews. I won't go out to the movies because I don't want to sit through 15 minutes of previews and ads for $7 Pepsi and $5 boxes of Goobers. The beauty of waiting for a movie to come out on video is SUPPOSED to be a) you don't have to watch previews, and b) it only costs $2 instead of $20 to see the damn thing, which is about what any movie made these days is worth. But that's another story.

But no. Now with DVDs, they can MAKE you watch previews before you can see the film, and don't think that they didn't take that into consideration when developing the DVD format. It's just another example of how companies will do anything they possibly can to throw ads in our faces 24 hours a day, and another reason for us to find ways to fuck over these jerks. Hell, there's 15 minutes worth of ads at the beginning of SESAME STREET DVDs (albeit ads for their videos, but still). I try my damnedest to keep my son from developing brand identity and staring at ads all day, and I can't even rely on fucking SESAME STREET to come through for me.

I hear that TiVo is trial testing the same thing....throwing ads up on the screen when people fast forward through a show (presumably to get through the commercials). It's total, absolute fucking bullshit.

[Vitriola]

My problem is driving down a perfectly pleasant street in a town, and seeing on every bench a bright blue back that says 'PUT YOUR AD HERE BIG STREET SPACE!!!'. At least people have gotten away from billboards these days; I know states like Virginia let the ones that are up stay, but when they have to come down, they are not allowed to be replaced. Good for them, I guess. But the constant advertising is not only undignified as a human, but ugly as an environment and a huge waste of time as entertainment. I like previews when I go to a movie, and they do NOT advertise anymore after showtime; they have 'The 2WENTY' now, which, if I have to sit through it it was because I got there early, so they get credit for that, I guess, but previews on rentals is unforgivable.

[AArdvark]

Back when everything was on VHS I used to erase the previews on any store bought movies. I think Disney is the worst offender for stuffing shit like that on home movies. Now, on some of the older DVD I own have previews that are really outdated. I want to take a laser pointer and just remove all that crap. But no...Either I remaster the DVD and remove the previews (pain in the ass) or just make sure I am making popcorn when they play (slightly less pain in the ass)



THE
DOOM OF MANKIND
WAS WRITTEN ON A BILLBOARD
AARDVARK

[Casual Observer]

I won't go out to the movies because I don't want to sit through 15 minutes of previews and ads for $7 Pepsi and $5 boxes of Goobers.

Why not just go to the dollar movie 15 min late?

[Worm]

Life isn't frustrating enough, no, the Studio demands that simple shit like going backwards or forwards can't be supported and these little worms LET IT HAPPEN.

HEY!

Anyway, I don't see the big problem here. If you actually go to a theater you are forced into the same experience, except it's eight previews, and four Pepsi commercials. The real question ICJ, is why do you even rent the shit?

Ultimately it just pays the service that has already paid all the movie company and thusly the extras, camera men, and maggots with flashlights that the MPAA would have you sobbing over. Why isn't EVERYONE downloading everything?

Scenario: You get Oceans 13teen, it's extras are a bunch of billionaires playing jokes on one another, billionares with previews and commercials hoping to wipe your mind, and one visionary billionare droning on about the movie. Does their Dynasty family really need to survive to a 14th generation on the money? Is it so bad if the Pitts only can lounge around to the 5th generation? Is that such a fucking crime?

Scenario: You pick up a Madonna CD. Madonna relies that millions of people will buy that album, she get's a fraction of the price after the decripit billionares take their cut, the agents, the studio heads, the people who sell the equipment, and all that shit. You're really not robbing Madonna of that much (not that you shouldn't rob her) you're robbing a system that is exactly why Kompressor, Soul Coughing, and MDC aren't right now. (http://www.downhillbattle.org/)

So, that's my problem. Robb, when you're not stealing from these bastards, when you are actually doing what they want of you, what the fuck can you expect? Screwing you over is the business.

[chris]

I won't go out to the movies because I don't want to sit through 15 minutes of previews and ads for $7 Pepsi and $5 boxes of Goobers.

Why not just go to the dollar movie 15 min late?

It's a matter of principle. If they advertise that the start of the movie is at 2pm, then the movie should start at 2pm, not 2:15. If they want to show previews, then start them at 1:45....anybody who likes 'em can get there 15 minutes early to see them.

Now if the movie was FREE, then that's another thing entirely. But the idea of me PAYING to see ads is bullshit.

[AArdvark]

Ultimately it just pays the service that has already paid all the movie company and thusly the extras, camera men, and maggots with flashlights that the MPAA would have you sobbing over.

That's another thing (although related). They have this set decorator or stuntman telling us onscreen during the previews, how everyone works so hard to make these movies and we (as if) shouldn't kill the movie medium by downloading. Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but guys like that have already gotten thier money from a movie at that point. They make union wages and that's about it. It's the studios and other investors that make money according to ticket sales and rentals. How come they never put some power executive producer on the screen sobbibg about how we're reducing his residuals and he's never hardly able to gas up his ferrari anymore. Because they know that guys like that are so removed from the average Joe downloader that we wouldn't connect with thier point of view and would grab everything off the web faster, actually.


THE
GREEDY BASTARDS
AARDVARK

[Worm]

Exactly! So download everything! If you can't download it chances are that you can buy it and have a decent amount of your money go to good human beings!

[pinback]

I love listenin' to rich white people complain.

[chris]

I love listenin' to rich white people complain.

Who's rich?

[chris]

Because they know that guys like that are so removed from the average Joe downloader that we wouldn't connect with thier point of view and would grab everything off the web faster, actually.

It's just a matter of time until movie theaters cease to exist. In the same way that VHS and movie rentals killed the XXX theater and home video games developed to the point where arcades became obsolete, video-on-demand technology (be it via the Internet, or cable/satellite providers, or whatnot) will improve the point where movie theaters will become superfluous.

Sure, there will be the purists who'll say that you can only appreciate movies on a huge screen and we're all stupid for missing the "movie theater experience". If by that they mean that I'm supposed to miss schlepping out to a theater, finding a parking spot, waiting in line for overpriced tickets, paying a month's salary to buy some snacks, and sitting in a theater with inconsiderate people talking during the movie, I think I can live without that.

At some point, somebody is going to do for video what the iPod/iTunes has done for music.....make it easy to stay home and buy it online. Rumor has it that Apple is working on exactly this right now....

[pinback]

It's just a matter of time until movie theaters cease to exist.

Okay, I have to stop you here. Mainly, because it's an idiotic statement which cannot be allowed to go un-told-how-stupid-it-is.

In essence, it's the same thing as proclaiming that it's a matter of time before bars cease to exist, because you can buy Budweiser and Jaeger and drink them at home.

People don't go to the movies to watch movies. The movie is secondary. Any half-assed glance at the box office take for any particular weekend will tell you that.

People go to the movies to get out on the town, to go on dates, to try to pull the popcorn trick off one more time, to goof around with their buddies, and to go have a goddamn good time. You could release first-run movies directly to video in conjunction with their theatrical release, and the Cineplex would still be packed.

It has nothing to do with anything going on on the screen.

[Worm]

I love listenin' to rich white people complain.

Who's rich?

ICJ I think.

[Vitriola]

Also, the vast expense of actually going to a movie is what is funding alot of the high-action fx movies, and, although i'll take a good plot with unknown actors anyday, lots of people like explosions and car chases. The minute you can total 87 Peugots on the Autobahn for anything less than it takes a summer blockbuster to make in a month, you might have more movies like that at home, but, explosions need to be seen big to appreciate, and need half your paycheck to be made at all.

[chris]

Also, the vast expense of actually going to a movie is what is funding alot of the high-action fx movies, and, although i'll take a good plot with unknown actors anyday, lots of people like explosions and car chases. The minute you can total 87 Peugots on the Autobahn for anything less than it takes a summer blockbuster to make in a month, you might have more movies like that at home, but, explosions need to be seen big to appreciate, and need half your paycheck to be made at all.

I'm not sure I agree with this....seems to me that if a first-run movie were made available at home for, say, $8.95, people who want to see the movie but hate theaters will pony up the cash. Without the costs of making reels upon reels of film, distributing them, and dealing with theaters, they could make just as much money (if not more) than what theaters pull in. It would be interesting to run the numbers and see if it's possible.

As for Pinback, I guess it's a matter of age. Sure, I went to the movies with friends back in the day to have fun, but once you get to a certain age, theaters cease to be a place to socialize....you just go to see the film, and that's it. Maybe I shouldn't have said that theaters will "cease to exist", but they definitely wouldn't be as popular. At least for me, I know full well that if first-run movies were available at home, I'd never go to a theater again (not that I go to them now, but that's not the point).

[pinback]

I'd never go to a theater again (not that I go to them now, but that's not the point).

Yeah, I think that kinda IS the point. The people who wouldn't go if the movies were released to video immediately probably don't go anyway.

I've been to... two movies in the last, what, two years? Both were social occasions.

Sir, I say to you now, if they started releasing movies directly to video along with the theatrical release, box office numbers WOULD go down.

But not much.

[chris]

Yeah, I think that kinda IS the point. The people who wouldn't go if the movies were released to video immediately probably don't go anyway.

I disagree. The first thing that comes to mind is a minivan full of kids, forcing their mom to take them to some movie that they saw a trailer for on Nickelodeon. If the movie could been seen at home, do you REALLY think that mom would still pick a theater over the comfort of her own home (and the prospect of 90 minutes of peace and quiet)? A lot of kids currently go to the movies.

Then you have the situation where parents want to see a movie, but it's not something the kids can see. They can EITHER go through the trouble of finding a sitter for the kids and schlepping out to the theater, or just wait until the kids go to bed and dial up the movie on-demand. Being a parent, I can tell you full well that the latter is definitely more appealing than the former.

See, your problem is that you're thinking only of single, unattached people who can pick up and leave at the drop of a hat. Add a little responsibility to your life, and getting to a movie theater becomes a whole lot more difficult.

I've been to... two movies in the last, what, two years? Both were social occasions.

Congratulations.

Sir, I say to you now, if they started releasing movies directly to video along with the theatrical release, box office numbers WOULD go down.

Numbers as in revenue, or numbers as in how many people physically go to a theater? The PEOPLE numbers would go down, but overall REVENUE (box office + home viewings) would, IMHO, be steady or a bit higher.

[nessman]

By far, kid DVD's are the worst offenders for the forced previews. We bought a portable DVD player with the 7" screen for the car for the boy since I have to drive 90 minutes or so to get him home every other weekend, not to mention the trips to the in-laws in the 'Cuse and down to my old hood on Lawnguyland.

So it's not just a matter of popping in the damn movie and pressing play so I can jump in the driver's seat and speed off. No. I gotta sit there, watch the damn trailers, go through the fucking menus (that is if you can figure out which symbol on the menu = "Play")... a process that takes 5-10 minutes. Because you know if you just pop in the DVD and let it roll, you'll have to pull over once the menu pops up to press play.

I agree with Chris - movie theatres are slowly becoming a thing of the past. I maybe go to the movies once every year or two. Sure - when you're 18 and trying to get it on with some stupid chick you met on the internet, that's one thing. But as you hit your 30's - the mere thought of stepping foot inside of one of those places makes my skin crawl. Fuck that... DVD's or "on demand" is the way to go.

If I wanted the big screen deal, I'd just force my way into 'Titty's house at gunpoint and watch the movie there.

[AArdvark]

Movie theaters will still be around (like Time-Out and Putt-Putt are to arcade games) but they will be in much less demand than the days of 'Star Wars' release weekend or 'Raiders of the Lost Pocketbook' Direct to video for first runs is a good thing. Maybe rachet up the pay per view a couple bucks because it is a first run....

How about this, Like the Wrestlemania packages they have now and then, or the Big Fight in Atlantic City. You pay a set price for a one time view (while Tivo-ing it, of course).


THE
I'D GET IT
BECAUSE I HATE
STUPID TALKERS
AT TINSELTOWN
AARDVARK