The third most important week of the year.

Ben · Post by **Ben** » Tue Jul 16, 2002 1:08 am

Three days until the first player tees off at Muirfield in Scotland, and until Tiger Woods continues his assault on the record books and the envelope of human achievement.

Baseball sucks. Football is boring anymore. Basketball is ridiculous. Hockey? HAHaa.

There's really only one sport that matters anymore, and it's played on lush green fields with tiny little white balls and fat rich white men...

But it's time for our Lord and Savior to once again show us the way.

Let us pray.

http://www.tigerwoodsisgod.com

(I've already informed my employers that my performance might suffer somewhat on Thursday and Friday, during the first two rounds. More importantly, I'm just a few boards away from having the last post on every single on of them.)

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 16, 2002 6:58 am

If you were a betting man, would you rather take Tiger or the field on this one?

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Tue Jul 16, 2002 7:56 am

OMG TIGER WOODS IS 5 MILES FROM MY HOUSE!!!

Ben · Post by **Ben** » Tue Jul 16, 2002 9:20 am

Well, it's like this. Straight up, it would be a ridiculous thing to take any one "man" in a golf tournament, even the greatest player EVER, even the Lord and Savior.

Of course, if I didn't take him, then he'd probably win and I'd look like the biggest dope on earth, not betting on my hero, when he wins. But then again, him winning would be the greatest thing ever to happen!

So I'll say: "No, I would not."

Ben · Post by **Ben** » Tue Jul 16, 2002 9:21 am

Err, except to actually answer your question, I should have said, "I would take the field."

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 16, 2002 9:30 am

Alright, I'll take Woods. What are the stakes?

Ben · Post by **Ben** » Tue Jul 16, 2002 11:00 am

Loser has to pay for dinner at Ruth's Chris in Vegas.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 16, 2002 11:51 am

OK, you're on. But geez, I thought I that I had planted a cunning trap here: you would admit that, even as Godlike as Tiger is, there's probably nobody in the tour who could stand tall against the field, but then when I snapped him up you would channel Admiral Ackbar from "The Empire Strikes Back" and shout, "It's a traaaaaap!" and that would be that.

However, this may make me a Tiger Woods fan, if he wins here. I worked three summers at a Driving Range and grew to loathe the sport and the people who played it. So his dominance has been somewhat lost on me. Perhaps this is a sort of awakening? Re-awakening? Unless, of course, he doesn't win, in which case my rage towards the sport will only grow ten-fold.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Jul 17, 2002 12:14 am

What's on the menu at this Ruth's Chris place? What will I be having and how terrible will it be when I have taunted you with exploits regarding your own hero when this eventually happens?

(You can answer those questions in [/i]either order. I've been using AOL 7.0 for a while now, and I'm getting pretty damn good at this internet. :)

/s
/save
save
.s

Ben: PIR8 BRAND · Post by **Ben: PIR8 BRAND** » Wed Jul 17, 2002 12:04 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:What's on the menu at this Ruth's Chris
place?

I prefer the filet, but there's really no way to go wrong. You've never been?

What will I be having and how terrible will it be when I have taunted you with exploits regarding your own hero when this eventually happens?

Don't you understand? You can't win. Either one of two things will happen:

1. Tiger wins, and I pay for dinner at my favorite restaurant in the universe. In this case, my hero is triumphant, and the meaning of my life is re-invigorated once again.

2. Tiger loses, and I get the greatest meal available on this planet, free of charge.

So, you see, you've already lost.

Ben · Post by **Ben** » Wed Jul 17, 2002 7:41 pm

Tee-time for ETW is in 5 and a half hours.

COME ON BABY. SMACK DOWN THEM HAUGHTY BRIT WHITE BOYS!!!

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Thu Jul 18, 2002 2:08 am

Unfortunatley, our excessivley long penises make it very difficult it play gold without sustaining major injury.