Wedding gifts and confusion

[bruce]

I'm totally confused about what to buy whom, in the following situation.

Aimee and Jason (henceforth, "Stinky", for disambiguation reasons are <i>already</i> married. Have been for ten years or so)
Aimee has a boyfriend Jason (henceforth "Rupert")
Jason has a girlfriend Lisa
Aimee and Stinky have asked Lisa and Rupert to marry them, whatever that might mean. So it's a four-way polyamorous marriage, except that Stinky and Rupert aren't hitting it, and Lisa hasn't yet, as far as I know, gotten drunk enough to hit it with Aimee. (Rupert and Lisa occasionally hit it.)

So, what the hell do I bring as a wedding gift? <i>Other</i> than a scorecard or racing form.

And does this remind anyone else of one of those logic puzzles you liked to do in fourth grade?

Adam

[Vitriola]

If you could find a product that combines the business ends of both an electric dildo and a multi-user hookah, that would rule. Or a love toilet.

Seriously? Towels.

Ok, really seriously? Everyone loves cacti.

[Debaser]

Well, the obvious answer is a really large bed.

[Jack Straw]

Tempur Pedic baybee!

Aside for anyone with small children: Do not purchase a memory foam mattress. They will get torn into very expensive foamy bits the second a section of matress is exposed.

[bruce]

Well, the obvious answer is a really large bed.

They've already got one of those.

Bruce

[Worm]

Well, what the hell would you regularly get a marrying couple? Fondu pots and shit right? Just get bigger ones.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Well, the obvious answer is a really large bed.

Never leave us again.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

So it's a four-way polyamorous marriage, except that Stinky and Rupert aren't hitting it, and Lisa hasn't yet, as far as I know, gotten drunk enough to hit it with Aimee. (Rupert and Lisa occasionally hit it.)

If you were looking for some help with "The Sims," well, you managed to be the first guy to ask such a question and not come off as a flaming serving of fruit enflambe yourself.

I have been to a few weddings. Here's what I have given:

Chris & Carolina Bunky: Chris got Civ II for the Mac, Bunky got You Don't Know Jack

Captain Kick-Ass & Wife: Chipped in on a gift with three other guys. Can't remember what said gift was.

Jethro Q. Walrustitty & Little School Girl: CA$H

Brian "Yehoweh Porn" Gramling & Anna ... er, can't remember her maiden name: CA$H

Milker & Wife: Couldn't attend the wedding. Will be CA$H, once I see him again

Danzaland and Marilu Henner: Dunno, probably CA$H

So I dunno, Bruce. Maybe cash, I guess. Perhaps the intoxication of a well-cut cheque can provide a fair bit of solace over the fact that the four of them are going to one day be playing doubles tennis in a sick, amoral version of HELL.

[danzaland]

Danzaland and Marilu Henner:

Dude, I never thought of her as Marilu Henner.... more of a Lauren Holly.


NEXT POST: Celebrity you think you resemble

[danzaland]

So, what the hell do I bring as a wedding gift? <i>Other</i> than a scorecard or racing form.

How about one of those old large 4 spoke tire irons?