[ARMY OF LOVE] Pinback's Women IV

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 11:19 am

Welcome back to Pinback's Women, our ongoing series from the good folks over at the ARMY OF LOVE, where Pinback tries to make it look like he's got lots of ladies in the pipeline, when in fact he has nothing going on, and has basically made close to zero progress towards his goal, and he'll probably be alone and miserable his whole life, and go fuck yourself.

Now, let's get to it!

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Name: Lily
Nickname: None available
Picture: http://www.montorusa.com/photo/lily2.jpg
STATUS: PENDING TERMINATION

Recent developments:
- Has said that she wants to postpone our "get together" now because she's started on a very strict diet to treat the eczema stuff.
- Yeah, I think I'm gonna go ahead and give up on this.

Possibility of Success: 0% (change: -1%)
Enthusiasm level: Extremely Low (was: Very Low)

---

Name: Jana
Nickname: "Checky"
Picture: http://home.earthlink.net/~pinback/jana.jpg
STATUS: IN PROGRESS

Recent developments:
- Still keep in touch over AIM
- She still keeps saying, "Yeah, let's do lunch..."
- Followed by "...some other time, though."

Possibility of Success: 1% (change: -2%)
Enthusiasm level: Medium Low (was: Medium)

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Name: Lori Peddle
Nickname: None available
Picture: None available
STATUS: IN PROGRESS

Recent developments:
- After sending my pictures, seems to have stopped emailing again.

Possibility of Success: 0.1% (change: -0.5%)
Enthusiasm level: Very Low (was: Medium-Low)

---

Name: Christy Hofmann
Nickname: None available
Picture: None available
STATUS: PREPARATORY

Recent developments:
- Nothing

Possibility of Success: 0.3% (no change)
Enthusiasm level: Very Low (was: Low)

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Name: Jessica Rose Campbell
Nickname: "Shortcake"
Picture: http://home.earthlink.net/~pinback/jrc.jpg
STATUS: CAUSE OF ALL MISERY

Recent developments:
- Coming over tomorrow night.
- Staying in town an extra month, to prolong my torture.
- Can anyone recommend a reliable, discreet hit-person?

Possibility of Success: 0% (no change)
Enthusiasm level: Self-Immolation (was: Nauseous)

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Name: Dayna
Nickname: "Vitriola"
Picture: None available (?)
STATUS: IN PROGRESS

Recent developments:
- She continues to play hard-to-get
- Which only goes to prove her deep affection and attraction to me.

Possibility of Success: 0.01% (no change)
Enthusiasm level: Coy (was: Uncomfortable)

---

Name: April
Nickname: None available
Picture: http://home.earthlink.net/~pinback/april.jpg
STATUS: DOOMED

Recent developments:
- Went on a date.
- Decided it wasn't going to be a long-term proposition.
- Might still hit that later, though, for kicks.
- Might not, though. We'll see.

Possibility of Success: 0%
Enthusiasm level: Predatory (was: Optimistic)

---

This has been: Pinback's Women, a Pinback's Army of Love production. And a pretty goddamn weak one, I should say. Boy, after that initial flurry of activity, things have cooled off markedly, haven't they? This is very depressing. Very very depressing.

I am very very depressed.

=( =( =( =( =( =(

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 11:39 am

pinback wrote:This has been: Pinback's Women, a Pinback's Army of Love production. And a pretty goddamn weak one, I should say. Boy, after that initial flurry of activity, things have cooled off markedly, haven't they? This is very depressing. Very very depressing.

Yes. Now let's talk about me for a moment.

This latest installment is rather sad to see. I was pretty psyched to see your earlier ones because it took the pressure off of myself for coming up with these things. I am going to have to bow out, however, as I think my "schitck" has been played. I mean, I did:

o Made-up girl, no gimmick (Safeway one)
o Made-up girl, comic character
o Made-up girl, n0rp model
o Made-up girl, vampire Friendster
o Made-up woman, subject of pop song
o Made-up girl, album art
o Made-up girl, video game concept character
o Made-up girl, child's toy

I don't have anywhere else to go with that. And actual descriptions of my actual personal life isn't going to be happening any time soon.

Really, the "birth" of AoL4 has sort of cemented the "death" of the PoS. Ah. I see. Just noticed that. The acronym I was using for my counter-threads is also a common abbreviation for "piece of shit." Sort of says it all, doesn't it?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 1:52 pm

The one GOOD thing going on right now is, JRC is coming over tomorrow, and now I am being very proactive on what I want out of her. If I have to deal with this soul-crushing pain, she is at least going to do what I tell her, goddammit.

So the thing is now, I've always wanted to take a beach bunny home from the beach and ravage the hell out of her. So I have directed JRC to go out tonight and buy a few different bikinis, which she will then be directed to wear and then un-wear, in succession.

What is the payment for destroying a man's spirit and zest for life?

An XXX-rated fashion show, bitch.

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 2:07 pm

That should work. There's alot more I'd do to have a soul thrown right under the heel of my boot for me to do with as I please like a steak drugged with tranqs in front of a doberman guarding a safe full of jewels. You're selling yourself too short, Parrish. Granted, this wretch already ownz0rz probably 86% of your essence, your mana, but, like pure rock candy, it should only make her crave the rest all that much more. You should at least get her to bring over another bunny, and have them take off each others bikinis with their teeth for what you're offering.

If she declines, I'll do it. As much as I hate elastic between my teeth, I'll take one for the team and accomplish this. If you want. I'm low on souls this month. I mean, because I love you. Yeah.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 2:18 pm

Vitriola wrote:If she declines, I'll do it.

LOOKIE THERE, SHE JUST DECLINED!!!!!!!!

Okay, so once you get on the 5, take it north to the 10, then head west. I'll send you a Mapquest link for the last part, because it gets a little tricky.

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 2:18 pm

pinback wrote: So the thing is now, I've always wanted to take a beach bunny home from the beach and ravage the hell out of her.

I was thinking about this.

If your relationship is, you know, purely sexual and stuff, but it allows for, ah, <i>fantasy</i> play, then would this not be the chance to get her to bring over some of her slutty friends for, not to put too fine a point on it, a Pinback sandwich?

Bruce

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 2:19 pm

She has no friends who would be interested in participating in such a situation.

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 2:24 pm

pinback wrote:She has no friends who would be interested in participating in such a situation.

Good thing Vitriola's got your back then.

::fingerguns::

But, seriously, what kind of cockgobbling hobag is she if she doesn't have any equally-slutty friends?

Perhaps you're misrepresenting this innocent young woman.

Bruce

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 2:30 pm

bruce wrote:But, seriously, what kind of cockgobbling hobag is she if she doesn't have any equally-slutty friends?

She's actually quite new at the hobag game. I thought maybe I could save her. But, 'twas not to be.

It's dangerous to mistake children for angels.

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 2:46 pm

Or prostitutes.

Very dangerous indeed.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 2:48 pm

pinback wrote:She's actually quite new at the hobag game. I thought maybe I could save her. But, 'twas not to be.

When are you MEN (ugh!) going to learn that you can't go around "saving" women?

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 4:03 pm

I think that it is cool that I have had three woman at once.

I think it's cooler that they weren't drunk.

I think I fucking rock.

But, seriously, how is this going, Ben? I mean, the deep, emotional-turmoil bit?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 5:05 pm

Lex wrote:But, seriously, how is this going, Ben? I mean, the deep, emotional-turmoil bit?

It's going very poorly, Lex.

However, in addition to the XXX-rated fashion show, I have now ordered her to shave herself all the way down, for my amusement.

If this wasn't so horribly depressing, it would be a heck of a lot of fun.

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Thu Aug 21, 2003 8:12 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: When are you MEN (ugh!) going to learn that you can't go around "saving" women?

Are you saying that GTA:VC is a <i>woman</i>?

Bruce

LAME JOKE OF DAY AWARD · Thu Aug 21, 2003 9:28 pm

I AM PLEEZED TO PRESENT MYSELF TO

bruce

CONGRATULITONS

bruce

!!!!

George · Post by **George** » Fri Aug 22, 2003 4:50 am

pinback wrote:She has no friends who would be interested in participating in such a situation.

Not enough women do. Not enough....

Russian Mail-Order Bride · Fri Aug 22, 2003 4:53 am

Hey Pinny winny... check us out. www.bride.ru
Let us know what you think Pinny. Only 10 large. A much better deal than the $500 for those Vegas Tramps.

Feminist Movement · Post by **Feminist Movement** » Fri Aug 22, 2003 4:41 pm

Russian Mail-Order Bride wrote:Hey Pinny winny... check us out. www.bride.ru
Let us know what you think Pinny. Only 10 large. A much better deal than the $500 for those Vega$ (and I should state that what happens in Vega$ stays in Vega$) Tramps.

We will find you. When we do, we are going to rip your stomach open with our bare hands and rip out your liver, stomp on it several times with our high-heeled boots, and then we will each take turns doing the same to each and every one of your internals. Do not mock us. We will be visiting you shortly, apostate.

Feminist Bowel Movement · Fri Aug 22, 2003 4:55 pm

poot..

Cats · Post by **Cats** » Fri Aug 22, 2003 7:51 pm

huh huh huh

[ARMY OF LOVE] Pinback's Women IV

[ARMY OF LOVE] Pinback's Women IV

Re: [ARMY OF LOVE] Pinback's Women IV