[ARMY OF LOVE] Pinback's Women II

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Aug 04, 2003 2:19 pm

Welcome back to Pinback's Women, our ongoing series from the good folks over at the ARMY OF LOVE, where we track the goings-on related to Pinback's ever-growing bevy of beauties who he may or may not in fact actually meet or talk to in person one day.

So, let's get right to our update!

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Name: Lily
Nickname: None available
Picture: http://www.montorusa.com/photo/lily2.jpg

Recent developments:
- Set up a "threesome" date with Frank and her to go to Ruth's Chris last night.
- Said date was cancelled.
- Frank then spent lunch today telling me how she's on Prozac because of eczema-related depression, and how she never likes any guys she dates because she wants to be "pampered", like a "princess."
- I then cringed.

Possibility of Success: 5% (change: -9%)
Enthusiasm level: Low (was: Medium-High)

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Name: Jana
Nickname: "Checky"
Picture: http://home.earthlink.net/~pinback/jana.jpg

Recent developments:
- She was away for a week, but just got back.
- We then started up our AIM conversations right away.
- Several suggestions of lunch/dinner dates have now been aired.
- Sounds like one or more of those things are going to happen, perhaps even this very week.
- (EDIT: Also, I just joined the gym she goes to. That sounds stalkerish, but it's not like that, I swear. I got the Month of Health thing going on, you know.)

Possibility of Success: 4% (change: +2%)
Enthusiasm level: Very High (was: High)

---

Name: Lori Peddle
Nickname: None available
Picture: None available

Recent developments:
- Continued delightful email back-and-forth.
- But she has not replied in over a week now.
- Which doesn't sound good.
- And she still lives 3000 miles away.

Possibility of Success: 0.3% (change: -0.5%)
Enthusiasm level: Low (was: Medium-Low)

---

Name: Christy Hofmann
Nickname: None available
Picture: None available

Recent developments:
- Sent her an email.
- But she was out of town.
- And when she got back, it wasn't there waiting.
- So I should probably send another one.
- One of these days.

Possibility of Success: 0.3% (no change)
Enthusiasm level: Low (was: Low)

---

Name: Sharon
Nickname: "Red"
Picture: http://home.earthlink.net/~pinback/red.jpg

Recent developments:
- Continued email exchanges.
- Got her to admit that she does in fact want to meet me, she's just been terribly busy.
- But I mean, Jesus, if you're THAT busy all the time, what is the point of dating in the first place?

Possibility of Success: 0.01% (no change)
Enthusiasm level: Very Low (was: Medium)

---

Name: Jessica Rose Campbell
Nickname: "Shortcake"
Picture: http://home.earthlink.net/~pinback/jrc.jpg

Recent developments:
- Broke up with her.
- Then, naturally, un-broke-up with her.
- Spent most of the last four days laying pipe to the skanky bitch.

Possibility of Success: 0% (no change)
Enthusiasm level: Homicidal (was: Suicidal)

This has been: Pinback's Women, a Pinback's Army of Love production.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Aug 04, 2003 7:29 pm

Regarding enthusiasm level: there have been some discussions on one of the forums on this BBS that you don't have access to, so perhaps you could set things straight: is this your enthusiasm level for them, or their enthusiasm level for you? I say it's the former because if it were the other way around we'd run into divide by zero problems when trying to do stats and averages.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Aug 04, 2003 7:31 pm

1. Yes, the former.

2. Pound it up your ass sideways.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Aug 04, 2003 7:32 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:one of the forums on this BBS that you don't have access to

Wait, I'm sorry. What?

What?

Violet · Post by **Violet** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 6:32 am

pinback wrote: - (EDIT: Also, I just joined the gym she goes to. That sounds stalkerish, but it's not like that, I swear. I got the Month of Health thing going on, you know.)

If she ever finds out that you are doing that, you may wreck all your chances. I guess it serves her right though. Who gives personal information like that online unless they really want someone to come after them.

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 9:14 am

Oh yea. She is definitely asking for it.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 9:28 am

"No, see... no." - Ben Sanderson, _Leaving Las Vegas_

I think you've misinterpreted this situation. She did not TELL me which gym she was going to. I joined Gold's Venice on my own, since it's the most convenient to me.

Now, of course, in this part of town, that's really the only place to go, so the chances were that it was going to be the same place, but it's not like she said, "Hey, I go to Gold's!" and then three days later I said, "HEY I JUST JOINED THERE 2 LOL NOW I CAN ALWAYS KNOW JUST WHERE TO FIND YOU OMG!"

Violet · Post by **Violet** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 10:17 am

Good job, sneaky and smart.

James Bond · Post by **James Bond** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 10:43 am

I, personally, think you should create another thread where we can discuss nothing but the carefully-laid plot to murder Shortcake in a bizarrely violent fashion. GRR, I don't even know her and I still fucking hate the bitch.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 10:54 am

James Bond wrote:I, personally, think you should create another thread where we can discuss nothing but the carefully-laid plot to murder Shortcake in a bizarrely violent fashion. GRR, I don't even know her and I still fucking hate the bitch.

The base that gets dumped in the Holocaust up above will be replaced by the "Carefully Laid Plots to Murder Shortcake" base.

JC Fever.... Catch it!

James Bond · Post by **James Bond** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 11:01 am

I *LIKE* IT!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 11:28 am

I also like it.

I like it a lot.

BTW: Me? Checky? Tomorrow night at 10?

Cocktails.

Yoda · Post by **Yoda** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 12:46 pm

Anger... leads to hatred. Hatred leads to suffering. Suffering leads to... Wait, that isn't right... Fear leads to suffering, suffering leads to anger... no... suffering leads to fear, fear leads to anger, anger leads to the dark si---goddamnit, I fucking *quit*.

Completely Off-Topic · Tue Aug 05, 2003 12:52 pm

Jonsey, that dude is gonna be biiiiiiiiiiig. Bigger than all of us. Bigger than Elvis. He has more talent in HIS LITTLE TALENTED PINKY than we all have in our ENTIRE BODIES.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 4:53 pm

Hey, you ungrateful pricks. I just said I was going out on a DATE tomorrow night. A fucking DATE. With one of PINBACK'S WOMEN.

I haven't been on a DATE with a WOMAN in... oh, let's see if we can figure it out...2002, 2001, 2000... why, that would make it over THREE YEARS ago! And I wasn't much good at it then!

How about a little help/encouragement over here? You pricks?

crickets · Post by **crickets** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 5:39 pm

*chirp* *chirp* *chirp* *chirp*

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 6:31 pm

pinback wrote:Hey, you ungrateful pricks. I just said I was going out on a DATE tomorrow night. A fucking DATE. With one of PINBACK'S WOMEN.

Does "Checky" know it's a date? Or just you? Or, more to the point, just us and you?

Was the word "date" used at all when you set this meeting up?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 6:31 pm

I can't believe this. Possibly the most momentous moment in this history of this or any other bulletin board system, and nobody has a goddamn thing to say about it.

Well, that's fine. Perhaps I'll just take my business elsewhere.

Goodbye... FOREVER!!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 6:32 pm

You specifically waited until I wrote that, didn't you, you 6:31 posting mothafawkah?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 6:39 pm

Whoa. No, actually. That was a coincidence (seriously). I'll now go back and read your post.