Wally Ian settles a long-running debate on IMDB!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 9:30 pm

EDIT!! I've now added a POLL to this thread, so we can all participate in the Wally Ian Experience!

by - wally_ian (Mon Jan 20 18:32:13)
Kevin Smith makes better movies then Paul Thomas Anderson. sorry im jsut a mean little boy who knows nothing. but i do like kevin smith more. but this was a really good movie so was boogie nights. magnolia sucked though but im all for this guy, but kevin is better. again im very sorry im bored.

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Thanks, Wally, for clearing that up for us!

I'm now glad I know about the ongoing net-feud between Kevin Smith fans and P. T. fans. It is a continual source of amusement for me. And it wouldn't make me think any less of Kevin Smith either, if I didn't also know that HE is on his own side. Moron.

Again, I'm very sorry, I'm bored.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:09 pm

Boogie Nights is worse than any flick that Smith has done. They have a name for movies about guys with giant cocks who have sex with deluded starlets. It's called PORN.

I haven't seen the other two PTA flicks you're so enamored with, however. It's my "mission" to grab 'em both. Hey, I have a long weekend in front of me and nothing but a bottle of Safeway "Imported from Target" Brand Safeway Vodka to keep me company. Maybe I could go grab those two and Solaris.

(Which Solaris should I watch first again?)

And!!!!!!

Jesus, what the fuck? Why can't A GUY like Smith have an opinion about some movie, even if that movie is Magnolia, and even if he didn't like it? Smith liked Boogie Nights, if I remember right, so if you're going to get on his tits about something, you might as well make it that.

"When did it become fucking horseshit to simply hold an opinion in this country"? -- R. Sherwin

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:17 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Boogie Nights is worse than any flick that Smith has done.

Oh no he di'int.

(Which Solaris should I watch first again?)

The original. But you won't, so never mind.

Jesus, what the fuck? Why can't A GUY like Smith have an opinion about some movie, even if that movie is Magnolia, and even if he didn't like it?

Because, and I can't say this strongly enough, anyone who can honestly say they didn't like Magnolia is desperately in need of help. Desperately.

Go ahead and diss Boogie Nights if you want (even though that's nearly as loud a cry for help). Say Happy Gilmore is better than Punch-Drunk. But don't tell me Magnolia sucked. I mean, get real. It's like saying Beethoven's 9th was a pretentious piece of crap. It's just stupid.

You're not just stupid, are you?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:22 pm

By the way, the greatest moment of my life, which hasn't happened yet, but which I'm sure will, is when Jonsey comes on here (hopefully soon) and says the following words (paraphrased from his own inimitable style, of course):

"I saw Magnolia. I kinda wanted to hate it, but I didn't. It's pretty good, actually. But I have to say I think Mallrats is better."

That is the moment I have lived for my entire life. I can only sit here and pray now.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:36 pm

pinback wrote:
(Which Solaris should I watch first again?)
The original. But you won't, so never mind.

What this?!!?!

I had Solaris sitting on my hardrive, bitch, and I deleted it before I could find the appropriate drivers because I agreed with you that the makers of the thing deserved the $0.75 they were going to get as kickback from Blockbuster when I rented it.

A guy who had spent the entirety of his youth illegally obtaining media had a change of heart that day, my friend. And it was all thanks to Benjamin "Pinback" Parrish. And the FBI. But mostly Pinback Parrish.

And what happened?

Solaris? Yeah, that movie I -- in an alternate dimension -- would be able to throw into my CD player and view any time I like? Yeah, that one. It wasn't in stock at Blockbuster. The guy operating the database had never had it at the store in Fort Collins on the corner of Taft and Elizabeth.

Granted, this has nothing to do with the original version, but still.

Because, and I can't say this strongly enough, anyone who can honestly say they didn't like Magnolia is desperately in need of help. Desperately.

The only difference between your belief that your opinion equals fact that Walrustitty's belief that his opinion equals fact is that you say it in a more condescending manner, by the way.

Go ahead and diss Boogie Nights if you want (even though that's nearly as loud a cry for help). Say Happy Gilmore is better than Punch-Drunk. But don't tell me Magnolia sucked. I mean, get real. It's like saying Beethoven's 9th was a pretentious piece of crap. It's just stupid. You're not just stupid, are you?

"I am a slow learner." -- Anakin Skywalker, 2002

"That's OK. I NEVER learn!!!" -- Guy Gardner, 1989

I didn't diss "Punch Drunk Love." Jesus. I haven't even seen it yet.

You know what? Stop typing. Stop right now. I'm tired of this shit. I'm coming over to throttle you and strangle you with a cord of rope, Knight Orc style. I've fucking had it with you and your attitude towards films that you think are "great." I'm going to leave a steaming batch of grindleguts all over your similarly-smug and condescending oceanside townhouse and throw the pompous blood which flows through your veins all around the walls like I am auditioning for the opening scene to "Friends." This is going to end right now. I can not go on like this, this BBS can not go on like this.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:40 pm

pinback wrote:"I saw Magnolia. I kinda wanted to hate it, but I didn't. It's pretty good, actually. But I have to say I think Mallrats is better."

That is the moment I have lived for my entire life. I can only sit here and pray now.

Whoa! Let's hold our horses here.

You're saying this thing is better than Mallrats?

I guess I really need to go give it a look.

Better than Mallrats. Huh. Expectations++

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:43 pm

Quit trying to destroy my base. You're just angry that I've allowed it to flourish and bloom in a way you were incapable of.

Come, everyone. Let us discuss movies and sex, surely the two most joyous things in life!

Or, if not that, then here's another idea:

HOW ABOUT IF SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME OR JONSEY POSTS SOMETHING ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING BULLETIN BOARD SYSTEM ONCE IN A FUCKING WHILE!??!?

I'm okay with nobody posting on my BBS, but this is just sad, man. This is the GREATEST WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET -- The "Magnolia" of websites, if you will -- and you're all letting it go to waste.

I can do an entire website by myself, coming on here and moaning about women and telling you your movies suck and mine rule, but that's incredibly boring to everyone except myself and Jonsey (and I suspect, most of you, though you'd never admit it to my face), but I really don't want to have to do that. I want to see you GET INTO IT.

So I want you to get up now, get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up, go to your window, open it, and stick your head out, and yell...

The Ghost of Peter Finch · Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:46 pm

I don't think anyone got that last part.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:47 pm

Of course not. Like I said, they wouldn't know a decent movie if they had the whole projector shoved up their ass.

Roody_Yogurt · Post by **Roody_Yogurt** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 11:08 pm

I'm sorry but "Boogie Nights," with its whole character study aspects, is more interesting than 90% of the stuff that Smith has released.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 11:17 pm

You're still drunk, right?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 11:23 pm

Boogie Nights is better than 90% of Kevin Smith's stuff based solely on its content and writing. Once you include aspects such as, oh, I dunno, "filmmaking", it's not even close.

Robb, you're a good guy, and you seem to mean well, but the entire artistry of moviemaking is lost on you. Even the diest-hardest Kevin Smith fans admit his filmmaking is perfunctory at best, serving only to deliver the dialogue and characters he creates. Which is fine, no problem, some good characters and dialogue, all that.

But he belongs in a list of great filmmakers with P. T. Anderson like a Twinkie belongs in a list of great pastries.

Meaning, I enjoy a Twinkie myself from time to time, but get the fuck real, will you?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 11:35 pm

I hate the 70s. And all the kitch and "LOL BELLBOTTOMS" nonsense and 70s revival that goes along with it.

I hate movies based in California, especially Hollywood.

I hate(d) Markie Mark.

I hate all aspects of the pornography business, (er, except one, natch) I hate being reminded that those aspects exist, and I certainly hate the "magic" of exploring and learning about the porn business.

Therefore, there was no way I was going to like Boogie Nights. Its subject matter and characters were completely uninteresting to me. I could not be made to care about them. Apparently it's well made and well directed and so forth. That's great. I don't harbor the movie any sort of ill will. But actively despising so many components of the film -- hell, seeing how there is a strong and active member of the populace that looks down upon:

1) Science fiction flicks
2) D&D flicks
3) Comic book flicks
4) At least in the case of the Academy, comedies

... Then I'm not going to feel too lousy about my own -- minor by comparison -- disdain for porn documentaries shot during the 70s.

For what it's worth, I saw Boogie Nights right after seeing Studio 54 for the first time. Have you ever seen two movies, back-to-back, and hated every single person you encountered in both of them? Well, I did.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 11:40 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I hate all aspects of the pornography business, (er, except one, natch) I hate being reminded that those aspects exist, and I certainly hate the "magic" of exploring and learning about the porn business.

So if you felt similar disdain for the Mafia, you're going to tell us that The Godfather sucked?

See what I'm saying here?

Have you ever seen two movies, back-to-back, and hated every single person you encountered in both of them? Well, I did.

fart

hehehe

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 11:57 pm

pinback wrote:So if you felt similar disdain for the Mafia, you're going to tell us that The Godfather sucked?

See what I'm saying here?

No.

You're asking me what I thought of Boogie Nights. I thought it sucked. I thought the subject matter was immature and uninteresting.

(And before I get abuse for comment due to the fact that I called one of my own characters "Porn" -- my intent was to develop the attributes of his personality that showed what an attention whore he was, and not because he was into pornography or anything. I think it's safe to say that I don't go around making dick jokes in the writings I release to the general public.)

I don't care about the 1970s. There was a complete lack of style and the people just look ridiculous. It grates on me to have to watch a film created in the 90s or the 00s that goes back and tries to replicate what everyone looked like back then. I "get" nostalgia and everything, but when you're not nostalgic about a certain decade the response given instead is contempt.

The director, according to IMDB, also made a film at the beginning of his career called "The Dirk Diggler Story." The fact that this guy thought that Dirk's tale was so fabulous that it just had to be made twice really causes the eyes in my head to roll about. I can accept that the movie is made well and has great production values and so forth, but Jesus -- it's about some guy with a big schlong who drops the hammer on some chick while the Bandit there looks on. That's not compelling. I can handle uncompelling movies, but when it is simultaneously not amusing, then what's the point? What's the point, Pinback?!?

There is a user on this BBS who constantly asks what the "magic" of certain events or situations is. I think I understand and get what the "magic" of Boogie Nights is supposed to be, it just doesn't interest me.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 12:04 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:You're asking me what I thought of Boogie Nights. I thought it sucked. I thought the subject matter was uninteresting.

So you're stating here, in this base, in front of all these people that, at least up until this very second, looked up to you and respected you, that you can judge a movie to have "sucked" simply because you weren't interested in the subject matter. Not "it was a well-made movie, I'm just not interested in the subject matter", but instead: "It sucked".

YOU suck. How about that? I think you're a brilliant guy, the funniest mufucka and all that, and the closest friend I have who I have not, technically, met, but your opinion on this matter is not particularly provocative to me, so YOU suck.

You SUCK. MINUS TEN STARS.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 12:11 am

pinback wrote:So you're stating here, in this base, in front of all these people that, at least up until this very second, looked up to you and respected you, that you can judge a movie to have "sucked" simply because you weren't interested in the subject matter. Not "it was a well-made movie, I'm just not interested in the subject matter", but instead: "It sucked".

Yes. Let me give you a counter-example. As I've stated, I hate everything about the 70s, including the fact that I was born in that decade. I often find myself with a match and some hairspray, passing away the evenings attempting to burn my flesh so that those people who try to "count the rings" on my person when I inevitably die will find that those rings have been fused together somewhat, and it's likely that poor, dead, old Jonsey there was born in 1980... or even 1981.

Yet the show "That 70s Show" is, more often than not, funny.

Those associated with that production managed to rise above my objections, and that's just a silly TV show. Boogie Nights doesn't even bother to try.

Let's do a super-quick BOOGIE NIGHTS FAQ, however.

Q: Hi there! I'm --
A: No time for this.

Q: Er... right. Hrmpf. Would "Boogie Nights" have been made better if Clarence Boddiker were in it?
A: Well, it certainly couldn't have been any worse!

YOU suck. How about that?

"I disagree, your excellency." -- Financial Advisor, Civ II

I think you're a brilliant guy,

Awww.

the funniest mufucka and all that,

Awwww!

and the closest friend I have who I have not, technically, met, but your opinion on this matter is not particularly provocative to me, so YOU suck.

Awwww-- waitaminnit.

You SUCK. MINUS TEN STARS.

I thought your scale only went to five, and presumably negative five, for those really special films and, presumably, those really especially versed in the art of "suck."

Roody_Yogurt · Post by **Roody_Yogurt** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 12:37 am

Well, yes, I am still drunk, but I hardly think that Dirk Diggler's story is the most interesting in "Boogie Nights." It's the other people that I really appreciate.

And I also think "That 70's show" pretty much sucks, despite the occasional line that is undeniably funny.

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 7:38 am

The Ghost of Peter Finch wrote:I don't think anyone got that last part.

I'm mad as hell, and I want someone to blow me.

Bruce

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 7:53 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Yet the show "That 70s Show" is, more often than not, funny.

There you have it, folks. That's all you have to know about your man Jonsey here.

Let's just go ahead and shut this base down, 'kay?

Wally Ian settles a long-running debate on IMDB!

Who is better, Kevin Smith or Paul Thomas Anderson?

Wally Ian settles a long-running debate on IMDB!