To the girl I spent the weekend with...

[pinback]

(The conversation in question was her explaining to me that she's not, and doesn't plan to be, interested in any real "relationship", and will continue to look for more guys to bang, even after our fabulous weekend. This was not her brushing me off. We had an amazing time, and had already at that point made plans to continue seeing each other and having more fun and just generally partying down at every opportunity. This was just her making sure I knew where she was coming from. Well, now I know.)

------

I'm sorry. This is all my fault. You have been perfectly honest with me throughout our whole adventure, and I thank you for that above all else.

The thing is, two horrible, horrible realizations hit me after we had our conversation at Tony Roma's tonight. They are:

1. I ended up liking you too much. I've never felt more wonderfully comfortable with a woman, I've never felt such a *connection* on so many levels so quickly, and I've never felt more like (as Emilio put it) "a cute couple" in my life. I first had an inkling of this when I was sitting in the Motel 6 last night, just staring at the door, hoping you'd walk in... and I wasn't even horny. I shoulda known then.

2. Turns out, at heart (and every other part of me), I really am a one-woman man, and really need that in return, or at least the sense that it's a reasonable possibility.

It is these two realizations which necessitate me putting an end to this immediately. This is purely in self-defense; it would hurt me too much otherwise.

I wish you well on your quest for fun, and I know you'll succeed wildly at it. And I thank you again for one of the most special weekends of my life.

Take care of yourself.

Love,

Ben.

[Angry Stewart Payne]

Ben, I took the liberty of sending this link to a few friends of yours. I think that they might have some words for you on this whole thing.

Chin up, slugger. Your fanbase is pulling for you.

[Souffle of Pain]

Just got the note from Stewart. (SHOUT OUT TO THE PWC CREW)

Ben, I think that I, more than all others except for Gerrit, know where you're coming from. I, too, am a "one-woman man," insomuch as that all my attempts to get together with more than one member of the opposite sex at the same time has failed. I do sort of "get it" regularly, though, so this whole thing about you turning down a giant reservoir of poon is sort of alien and Greek to me.

But you did the right thing. She'll respect you for your decision and this will only intrigue her more. By making yourself unavailable, you've made yourself sexy.

Hey. How you doin', anyway? Did you get back OK? No problems?

There's a song that Jones sent me once called "Distant Sun." It's by Crowded House. I know what you're thinking! A bunch of Aussie fagroits. Heheheh. I was thinking the same thing before he sent it over. But it speaks to this very situation, and I'll try to post it for you to take a listen to.

Didn't get sunburned? Skin still healthy and tan? Just checking.

There's a line, however, that I really like. "It's easy to forget what you learned / Waiting for the thrill to return / Feeling your desire burn /And drawn to the flame." I think it applies in your case. Was it truly this one woman in particular? Or was it the idea of this woman?

I must say, because you've been looking goooood recently.

I trust you'll wrestle with this and come to an answer in your heart, truly, regardless of what you choose or choose not to share with all of us.

Do me.

Best of luck.

Uhhh!

[FORUM TOUGH GUY]

Want me to take a piece out of this bitch or what?

I'll do it for you, you know.

[BP Racist, not PWC Guy]

Ben. Don't listen to the rest of these assholes. You were better off without her and her Zionist lies.


Yours in CHRIST,

Ben Parrish, the Nazi White Supremacist, not the PWC Guy

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I'm sorry. This is all my fault. You have been perfectly honest with me throughout our whole adventure, and I thank you for that above all else.

I hope you weren't making video game genre references during the weekend. I hope this, though you were pretty quick to do it afterwards.

The thing is, two horrible, horrible realizations hit me after we had our conversation at Tony Roma's tonight. They are:

Tony Roma is a screeching homosexual?

1. I ended up liking you too much.

Oh.

I've never felt more wonderfully comfortable with a woman, I've never felt such a *connection* on so many levels so quickly, and I've never felt more like (as Emilio put it) "a cute couple" in my life.

I think I have an idea what's going on here.

I first had an inkling of this when I was sitting in the Motel 6 last night, just staring at the door, hoping you'd walk in... and I wasn't even horny. I shoulda known then.

I hope this was a Motel 6 ON THE STRIP, by the way (I gotcher back, Brucie).

2. Turns out, at heart (and every other part of me), I really am a one-woman man, and really need that in return, or at least the sense that it's a reasonable possibility.

I respect the hell out of you for doing this, Ben. I need to say that, as I truly do give you props for what you just did. 99.99% of the population is made up of ridiculously co-dependant people who feel that they have some sort of sick, inherent need to "be with" somebody else, and their lives are miserable and empty if this is not the case. You had an opportunity to be one of these people, selecting an existence where you had a less than ideal circumstance, but one where the illusion or small hope of total togetherness with another person was there. And you said to that...

"FUCK. YOU."

So, yes, respect++. It's not a decision that the majority of people could make, much less would make.

But all that being said: if you continued to hammer away at her you would have positioned yourself as extremely desireable to other females while out in public, because there was already one out there who was getting all gropey with you, m'man. You could have used your status here to really start to be a swinger, man! "Swing, swing!" as the All-American Rejects said once.

If you'd like, maybe you should give me this girl's IM handle. I can still sort this out for you if you act quickly. And if not, well, Jimmy's ICQ log will at least have a sibling.

[pinback]

I hope this was a Motel 6 ON THE STRIP, by the way (I gotcher back, Brucie).

Of course it was. I'd rather stay at a Motel 6 on the strip than a Ritz-Carlton in that cesspool so politely referred to as "downtown".

If you'd like, maybe you should give me this girl's IM handle. I can still sort this out for you if you act quickly. And if not, well, Jimmy's ICQ log will at least have a sibling.

Robb, my good friend, you simply don't understand. The pain of going without sex for an extended period of time is minute, is insignificant (to me) when compared with the pain of unrequited affection. I can do three more years of drydick without batting an eyelash, but having to even go through a week of wanting to be special to someone, and knowing that it can never be, is almost too excruciating to think about.

So, let's just call this, "taking one for the team".

[2 Mopey 2 Log In Pinback]

Was it truly this one woman in particular? Or was it the idea of this woman?

If you spend 48 straight hours with anyone, I mean, QUALITY time, and you're paying attention at all, your "idea" should fairly well match reality.

In any case, do not glean from any of this that I'd fallen bonkers in love and was willing to do anything to keep her. Obviously, that was not the case. I just very much enjoyed our time, enjoyed her, and felt like this was something that something really GOOD could come from. A relationship I could really EMBRACE, and something which would enrich both of our lives for as long as we wanted.

But instead, it's a steaming pile of donkey apples.

And I'm back with the goddamn Safeway Safeway again.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

In any case, do not glean from any of this that I'd fallen bonkers in love and was willing to do anything to keep her. Obviously, that was not the case. I just very much enjoyed our time, enjoyed her, and felt like this was something that something really GOOD could come from. A relationship I could really EMBRACE, and something which would enrich both of our lives for as long as we wanted.

Hey, for what it's worth, right when I moved out here I had what is still the single best first-date I've ever been on. It was as if I had been friends with the girl for years, but at the same time all the great stuff you get when you are early in the game learning about someone came into play as well.

(We saw "Urban Legend" and still had a great time; that's how great the connection was.)

I didn't even get skins off her, which you did. Why is this? I know now, though I didn't then: I simply wasn't hot enough for her. I was "hot enough" to be a date buddy and friend and blahblahblah, but that was it. So you're at least ahead of where I was, in so much as you managed to engage in some tactile customer research regarding the marketing thrust of the Nintendo Powerglove, if you follow me here.

See if she wants to go to Vegas with us. Maybe part of the problem is that you didn't have adequate support of someone nearby -- a wingman, I am hesitant to say -- that is going to sell the idea HARD that you are, frankly, the funniest motherfucker on the planet.

I can be that guy. I will be that guy.

And I'm back with the goddamn Safeway Safeway again.

Speaking of which, we are going to have to get some for this trip that I hope you avoid slicing up your wrists for. Drinking Safeway (C) Brand Safeway "Safe-weigh" (TM) (R) Vodka in Vegas with Ben Parrish, waxing comedic regarding women and their feminine wiles... the game of life gets no better than that, not at least until God releases the mission pack.

...

... OK, actually, it gets much better than that, and what I described above is pretty damn depressing. But no matter.

[bruce]

I'm serious here: congrats, pinback. It isn't easy to put your integrity ahead of your dick. If I were consistently able to do that, I'd have had many fewer shitty episodes in my life.

Bruce

[pinback]

At the risk of sounding OMG FAG, the sex was totally not even close to the best part. It was just that feeling that there was someone, someone THERE. Someone who [you stupidly thought at the time] cared about you, and about whom you cared in return. That feeling I'd missed for so long, and that I've wanted to find again for even longer.

Just to lean over and touch her, know she was there.

OMG FAG.

[bruce]

At the risk of sounding OMG FAG, the sex was totally not even close to the best part. It was just that feeling that there was someone, someone THERE. Someone who [you stupidly thought at the time] cared about you, and about whom you cared in return. That feeling I'd missed for so long, and that I've wanted to find again for even longer.

Just to lean over and touch her, know she was there.

OMG FAG.

Oh, yeah, been there too.

Unlike SOME NOBLE MOTHERFUCKERS in THIS VERY FORUM, I didn't have the STONES or the SELF-RESPECT to STOP DOING IT because I NEEDED THE ILLUSION.

You know, if I could have just NOT THOUGHT WITH MY DICK FOR SEVERAL YEARS THERE IN MY TWENTIES I wouldn't have had to go through many of my formative experiences.

Bruce

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I was going to write this in the Update Week thread, but this seems like a better place for it, though it stretches the conversation over three thread.

For what it's worth, Pinner, though we josh around with you and everything, if any one of the women in my life that I had truly cared for had up and said to me at the beginning, "You know what? This is good and all, but I can't commit to your exclusive company," I would have done the same thing that you did. Granted, there are differences -- in your case, the line would have went, "=) =) =) LOL U NO WHAT? THIS SI GOOD & ALL ;P ;P ;P ;P BUT I CANT COMMMIT 2 U R X-CLOOSIVE COMP LOL ANY ;P ;P ;P LOL" but my sentiment and my statement would have been the same as yours.

I feel for you, buddy.

In all honesty, the part of myself that can get infatuated and feel that way, and generate that indescribable feeling you get like that is something I have probably managed to turn off over the years. I'm glad you still have access to that sort of thing and the ability to feel that way. Not for the first time, but it bears saying: I consider myself quite fortunate to know you, m'man. You made a decision in this case that I don't think I would be able to make, though I agree with it and you completely.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

You know, if I could have just NOT THOUGHT WITH MY DICK FOR SEVERAL YEARS THERE IN MY TWENTIES I wouldn't have had to go through many of my formative experiences.

But at what cost?

[pinback]

In all honesty, the part of myself that can get infatuated and feel that way, and generate that indescribable feeling you get

I was, and am not "infatuated". She does not make me "turn a big rubbery one" at her very sight. She does not make me "nervous and giggly". It was just a GREAT FUCKING WEEKEND, and I truly haven't had that GREAT FUCKING A TIME with a female, ever. It's just REALLY FUCKING A FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SHAME that nothing more can come from it. I so wanted to explore that. I am a betting man, and I would have "gone all in" on the wager that something great could have come out of this.

But now nothing will. Potential? Wasted. Life? Dry and empty (again).

Pinback? Sad.

That being said, it is a very cold comfort that I still have the capacity to at least feel SAD about something like this. I was starting to fear I was a cold, heartless anti-human.

though I agree with it and you completely.

FAG!! LOLOLOL

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I was, and am not "infatuated".

Richard Dawson took a survey on this, funnily enough. And do you know what the survey said? The survey actually came back as "you're full of shit," but they couldn't have put that as-is on Hogan's Heroes, much less Family Feud. I will spare you the indignity of ripping you off by putting a giant red X and a "bzzzzt!" here, but nevertheless: you are incorrect.

She does not make me "turn a big rubbery one" at her very sight. She does not make me "nervous and giggly".

I did not mean to imply that these things happen.

It was just a GREAT FUCKING WEEKEND, and I truly haven't had that GREAT FUCKING A TIME with a female, ever. It's just REALLY FUCKING A FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SHAME that nothing more can come from it. I so wanted to explore that.

But you weren't infatuated or anything, gotcha. I think I have gained an understanding of where you are coming from. It's a slightly different place than where I was, that's all. For instance, I was coming from "reality," "earth" and "this dimension" and you were coming from "unreality," "Frogstar" for all I know and "another dimension, possibly either Dimension X" or the friggin' Phantom Dimension."

I am a betting man, and I would have "gone all in" on the wager that something great could have come out of this.

As far as my readers are concerned, something great DID come out of all of this: content!

But now nothing will. Potential? Wasted. Life? Dry and empty (again). Pinback? Sad.

This isn't fun any more.

That being said, it is a very cold comfort that I still have the capacity to at least feel SAD about something like this.

I want out.

I was starting to fear I was a cold, heartless anti-human.

I'm not kidding! This is getting creepy!

though I agree with it and you completely.

FAG!! LOLOLOL

Phew! OK, I am now back on common ground. Aces!

[bruce]

You know, if I could have just NOT THOUGHT WITH MY DICK FOR SEVERAL YEARS THERE IN MY TWENTIES I wouldn't have had to go through many of my formative experiences.

But at what cost?

They never found me dead, with a broken back, but my balls resting serenely on my lips, I'll say that much.

Bruce

[pinback]

BANNED!!

[pinback]

Somebody reply to this three more times.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Shut the fuck up.