The funniest story!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue May 13, 2003 3:43 pm

I got to tell you all this story that happened to me last Saturday. It was so funny!

I was talking with Gerrit, over AIM, trying to plan out the rest of my day. Now, these days I like to take it easy on the alcohol (because I think we all deserve to treat ourselves well, and if you've not got your health, what do you have?) but back then, I was something of a "barfly".

It was about noon, and it was a lovely day, so I asked Gerrit, "Hey, what is a good drink to have on a lovely, sunny, spring afternoon?" We went back and forth on it for awhile, as I gave him hints about what I thought would go into the perfect drink. I mentioned, "tropical", perhaps a little "sweet", but not "too sweet", and a little "tart" and "fruity". Well, my man Gerrit, who NEVER lets me down, says: "How about a Hurricane?"

Well, I was floored! First of all, I love the name, and once I looked up the ingredients, I said, "that's it!" But I was a little concerned. I was sort of the "new guy" at this bar I was about to go to, and I didn't want to make a whole scene, trying to order some weird, exotic drink that the poor bartender would have no idea how to do. I'm a little shy anyway, so even if I WAS a regular, I'd be kind of afraid of ticking off the bartender. So I asked Gerrit (more than once, just to be sure) if this was going to cause problems when I tried to order it, or if it's such a common drink that any bartender would almost have it done by the time you finished ordering it.

He assured me that (and I still believe this) any bartender worth their margarita salt would know how to make a Hurricane, no problem.

Still with more than a little trepidation, I left the apartment and headed out to the bar. When I got there, I was happy to see that nobody else was there, so even if things didn't go smoothly, it wouldn't be a terrible inconvenience for them. I asked plaintively, "Can you whip me up a Hurricane please?"

Of course, my worst fears were instantly realized, when the befuddled barkeep meekly asked, "Uhh.. how do you make... uh... do you know..." Mortified, I quickly tried to come up with a substitute drink. However, I waited just a half-second too long, and she said, "Wait, I'll go find out."

That's exactly NOT what I wanted to happen, to have her have to go into the back and have a powwow with her bartender buddies asking how to make a Hurricane, and no doubt making fun of me the whole time for ordering such a ridiculous drink on a Saturday afternoon.

However, such a powwow was not necessary, as she had her trusty bartender's guide at the ready, which she quickly looked the drink up in, and then just as quickly made me one. And it was delicious!

Now, what's the funny part? Well, here's the funny part. What was the bartender's guide she used, do you think? Mr. Bostons? Some biblical tome of drinks looked upon with awe by even the most experience innkeepers?

No, the tattered, dog-eared book she whipped out was none other than:

"Bartending... For Dummies!"

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue May 13, 2003 3:48 pm

I'll get your brain back for you, my friend. Don't you worry. I know I have let you down many times in the past, but not this time. Not this time, I SWEAR it.

My first step: I will make some phone calls.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue May 13, 2003 3:50 pm

You did not think that was the funniest story, Robb?

Bartending for Dummies? Isn't that funny, that the bartender would use that book to learn how to make drinks?

Anyway, the happy ending to the story is, we agreed that a Hurricane would be my "usual drink". So, to test that theory, I came back in the next day and say, "I'll have my usual!" And she smiled and whipped up a Hurricane like an expert!

(Sunday was a beautiful day too, by the way! Great weekend.)

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Tue May 13, 2003 3:55 pm

pinback wrote:And she smiled and whipped up a Hurricane like an expert!

Yeah, but did you <i>do</i> her?

Bruce

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue May 13, 2003 4:23 pm

OK, I can't get any information on what meds Ben has been on. I should have disguised myself as him, but unfortunately I am lacking the Richard Little when it comes to the accent called "pussy." Gonna have to find out which people on this planet care about him and cross-reference that to which people out there are near him. We need a physical intervention here, I am thinking.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue May 13, 2003 4:36 pm

Heavens no, Bruce. First off, she's not really in my age range, and second of all, she... well, I don't want to say anything disrespectful about another member of my community, particularly when she's been so nice to me the last couple weeks, but let's just say that, while looks are certainly not a proper foundation for a relationship, there at least has to be SOME sort of physical attraction, were anything to get going. Sorry if that makes me sound kind of shallow, but I think it is the truth, as sad as that is.

And Robb, I am not on any medications. I've found that eating healthy, staying off the sauce, and doing your best to enjoy the little things in life are all the medications one needs to be happy and healthy in this world.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue May 13, 2003 5:46 pm

Has a doctor given you three months to live or something? Is that what this is all about?

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Tue May 13, 2003 6:01 pm

Can we just accept this guy has self actualized and be on with it?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue May 13, 2003 6:27 pm

Thank you, Worm.

I think it will take time, but I also think (and hope) that one day, you will all come to embrace this world-view, and enrich your own lives, increase your own happiness, and make your world a happier, more lovely place to be!

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Tue May 13, 2003 7:34 pm

pinback wrote:Heavens no, Bruce. First off, she's not really in my age range,

Feh. If she's old enough to serve booze, she's old enough. And since you didn't say anything about her being an octogenerian, I'm assuming she's not.

pinback wrote:and second of all, she... well, I don't want to say anything disrespectful about another member of my community, particularly when she's been so nice to me the last couple weeks, but let's just say that, while looks are certainly not a proper foundation for a relationship, there at least has to be SOME sort of physical attraction, were anything to get going. Sorry if that makes me sound kind of shallow, but I think it is the truth, as sad as that is.

Yes, but: she is, after all, a <i>bartender</i>. One of the primary functions of booze, as the Old, Bad Pinback was aware, is to make ugly people look better.

pinback wrote:And Robb, I am not on any medications. I've found that eating healthy, staying off the sauce, and doing your best to enjoy the little things in life are all the medications one needs to be happy and healthy in this world.

But I guess if you're staying off the sauce then she won't be getting any better-looking after all.

Bruce

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue May 13, 2003 7:41 pm

bruce wrote:But I guess if you're staying off the sauce then she won't be getting any better-looking after all.

LOL! Just my luck, huh Bruce? Ah well, that's the way it goes. Onto greener pastures, right?

James Bond · Post by **James Bond** » Tue May 13, 2003 9:59 pm

ICJ: Actually, I think that the story *is* rather amusing, mainly (for me) because here is concrete proof that such a book as "bartending for dummies" actually exists. Jesu Christo, they're making their own *franchise* at this rate.
Worm: Yes, yes we could, but come now. That wouldn't be any fun, would it? I will post my own views on Pinback's... behavior.. soon, after I have evaluated fully the change. Until then, adeu.