[ARMY OF LOVE] Pinback's Women 2K4

[pinback]

She's on some damn hippie health kick currently, which strictly forbids alcoholic beverages.

If not, don't you think I would have tried that first? I may be a rookie, but I ain't no rookie.

[bruce]

She's on some damn hippie health kick currently, which strictly forbids alcoholic beverages.

Then try the roofies, or the pot, or the mushrooms, or the Vitamin X.

Bruce

[pinback]

Roofies, you say! See, NOW I'm getting some real, valuable help from you people. Now we're talking.

[bruce]

Roofies, you say! See, NOW I'm getting some real, valuable help from you people. Now we're talking.

I think ICJ has some. He calls them "Atomic Mouse Pills," I do believe.

Bruce

[pinback]

Alright, well, here's your Michelle-related update:

The friendship has been firmly solidified. There shall be no hanky panky on Main street.

Now, perhaps we can focus, for once, on getting me laid by some skanky whore who will break my heart, shall we?

[Vitriola]

I think you should give one more go with the Georgia chick- one that doesn't revolve around the television, which men and women never agree on! You should go for a hike or something. Then, hey, if it doesn't work out, you'll know it wasn't because of pseudosnappy dialogue and lazy animation!

[pinback]

Actually, I think instead of all that, I'll just get a couple of cats and call it a day.

[Reality Check]

Wait for a woman who thinks your taste in television and movies is anything more than abyssmally déclassé and you'll be waiting a very long time.

[pinback]

Seriously, though. I mean, sure, you may not LIKE the Simpsons, the humor may not mesh up with your particular funny bone configuration, you may just not like animated shows.

But "stupid"? One thing the Simpsons is not, is "stupid". That's just... that's just stupid.

[pinback]

Well, I've got a few spare minutes here, so why don't we all hop in the Love Bus and take a brief trip down FAILURE LANE and check out what's been going on lately in the wild, weird, and generally unpleasant world of: PINBACK'S WOMEN!

----

Name: Chrissy
Nickname: Rental office babe.
STATUS: REMOVED

Updates: Nothing. We talked about books for five minutes, and she promised to bring one by for me. She failed to do so. I think I'm going to have to throw this one back. And her name is "Krissy", not "Chrissy", and I'm not sure I could take that seriously.

Chance of success: 0%
Enthusiasm level: Low, other than being very hot.

---

Name: Georgia
Nickname: "Georgia" is a fake name, so let's go with "Georgia".
STATUS: REMOVED

Updates: Well, she enjoyed our dates, and wanted to continue seeing me, to let love flower and happiness bloom, so I distanced myself from her until she got the point. Then she immediately went out and found a new beau with whom she is deliriously happy. Good job, Benny! Look how happy I'm making people!

Chance of success: 0%
Enthusiasm level: Low



Name: Dawn
Nickname: Chocolate Thunder
STATUS: VIRGIN

Updates: Her mother was around a few days ago and dropped that little "status bomb" on me, which she later apologized for. Dawn, sweet kid, don't get me wrong. A little young for me, though. Also, ICJ's brother wants her, and I'd hate to get in the way of a burgeoning interracial lovefest like that.

Chance of Success: 0.8%
Enthusiasm level: Pretty Low.



Name: Melissa
Nickname: bABABABABBAabbabapAPABAbapaABABBA
STATUS: REMOVED

Updates: Has become terribly antisocial to everyone around here. I've spoken to her exactly zero times in the last month, as has most of the other Building P Krew. Maybe she saw this website and got hurt that I said she talks too much. Which she does. Let's just toss this one back too.

Chance of success: Of what? Her being quiet for once? 0% (I still love that joke.)
Enthusiam level: Deaf. (And this one.)



Name: Michelle
Nickname: "M"
Picture: Some available. Inquire within.
STATUS: SIGH

Updates: Well, http://sonowthen.net tells you a lot of what you need to know about updates. Since that time, our relationship has simmered down into friendly get-togethers, a nice home-cooked meal now and again, polite conversation, an occasional foot massage. But it's really not gonna happen, and while I've still got the eeensiest crush on her (for what reason it's hard for me to comprehend), I'm pretty well fine now with the reality that it ain't gonna happen. Oh well. She would have driven me insane within the first week anyway, so it's all for the best. Still, would one neighborly boink be so difficult for her?

Chance of Success: 3%
Enthusiasm level: Resigned.


Now, let's move onto some FRESH MEAT, shall we??


Name: Erin
Nickname: Paramedical Aesthetician Erin Jensen
How met: At the plastic surgery office which I frequent.
Pictures: None available.
STATUS: AESTHETIC!

Pros:
- Very very friendly.
- Very very cute.
- Has no qualms about describing surgical procedures to me by demonstrating on her own rack.
- I would like to marry her!

Cons:
- Already married.

Chance of success: 0%
Chance of success in surgery: 97%!
Enthusiasm level: Medical.



Name: Anita
Nickname: Chiquita
How Met: She tends bar at the Louisville Old Chicago
Pictures: None available
Status: THIRSTY

Pros:
- After having only met her once, and then coming back nearly two weeks later, she rememberd my name right off the bat.
- Spunky little spitfire. Think: Cheri Oteri.
- Serves a mean Avery IPA!

Cons:
- Putting bartenders on this list should really be considered beneath me, shouldn't it?

Chance of success: 0%
Chance of getting a tasty beverage served with a smile: 100%!
Enthusiasm level: Drunk.



Name: Anja K.
Nickname: "Big Slick". (This is a poker joke. Anyone get it?)
How met: Replied to a Craiglist post of mine.
Pictures: NONE available. That's the problem.
Status: POSSIBLY UGLY.

Pros/Cons:
- See thread "Guess This Chicks Problem" for all the pertinent pros and cons.

Updates:
- I sent her a couple pics of myself. The good news is, she's still chatting with me. The bad news is, she didn't quite pick up the hint that it was time for HER to deliver the goods in turn.

So, for now, it all remains a giant mystery.

Then again, in this life, what isn't?

This has been another riveting episode of: PINBACK'S WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pinback]

Oh, I almost forgot the most important one!



Name: (Unknown!)
Nickname: (That Chick What Looks Like: UNKNOWN!)
How Met: Waitress at Louisville Old Chicago's.
Pictures: None Available, unless you can figure out what movie star she looks like.
STATUS: UNKNOWN!

Pros:
- So cute I could absolutely spit!
- Was not our obnoxious, braindead waitress from OC's last night, who served me, BEN (!), two beers over the course of 50 minutes. I should have my first two beers before you even ASK me what I'd like for my first beer.
- Looks EXACTLY like a TV or movie star!

Cons:
- But I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHO IT IS!!! The closest I've come, as of this writing, is Roz, from Frasier. But it's not Roz from Frasier. But hey, Roz from Frasier's nothing to sneeze at, eh?
- If listing bartenders here is bad form, then listing chain restaurant waitresses has got to be considered the darkest moment in this series' history.

Updates:
1. Wrote a long, fake story about a sexual encounter with her. (See thread: "Okay, this is fucked up", which is completely fictitious from the point where I actually exchange words with her, to the end of the story.)
2. Actually, in real life, exchanged words with her this evening! Oh, the good times we've had. I was owed my "25-beer" prize for OC's World Beer Tour, and they didn't have it, so she called over from the other side of the bar, "Give him something else!" I gave her a sly smile, and then, not wanting to overdo things, excused myself to the restroom, after the bartender had me write my name and number on a piece of paper so they could contact me whenever they got more of whatever stupid piece of shit they were supposed to give me. Then on the way out, there she was, and I said, "I liked your idea better!" "Getting something else? Yeah!" "Yeah! I'll just go pick something nice out for myself!" -- and then fake-headed toward the storage closet.

Oh, how we laughed.

Chance of success: 0%
Chance of getting my little piece of shit for 25 beers: 0%
Enthusiasm level: For anything: 0%

Fuck everything.

[AArdvark]

You really need to hang out by the POOL TABLES! I heard lots of great things about POOL TABLES!


Of course, they could be as made up as your mystery barmaid story...


THE
NEVER CAN TELL
AARDVARK

[Worm]

Shit pinner, just read them off this shit. I'm about to give you pity sex. Cheer up!

[pinback]

Where do you live, again?

[Worm]

Where do you live, again?

Hah! That's the Pinner we know! Now go to that bar and crack a few hum dingers about fucking a nineteen year old kid, you'll have them eating out of your hand.

All jokes aside, if you get a little too bummed I'm going to figure out how to do a blank body post here and name it "Worm's Army of Love" so you get the idea of where some of us are.

[pinback]

I'm going to figure out how to do a blank body post here and name it "Worm's Army of Love" so you get the idea of where some of us are.

I think you're missing the point here, dear boy.

These are blank body posts. There's just so many words in them that I guess sometimes it's hard to forget that they're blank.

That's kind of the joke.

[Worm]

I'm going to figure out how to do a blank body post here and name it "Worm's Army of Love" so you get the idea of where some of us are.

I think you're missing the point here, dear boy.

These are blank body posts. There's just so many words in them that I guess sometimes it's hard to forget that they're blank.

That's kind of the joke.

Woah, I got to rereading your Pong FAQ. I think part of it rings true too.

Q. The questions you're asking are not new. But the fact remains, you
are here, and you ARE playing the game. I told you yesterday to try to
be happy, and that's what each of us has to do for ourselves. Do not
live only to win the game. Live for each and every POINT. And there's a
lot more than 15 points in life. You'll have hundreds, thousands of them
each and every day. Won or lost, try to savor each volley. Think not of
the end...but of the means!
A. That's beautiful. Inspiring. How'd you get to be so smart?

Any chick who isn't crazy for you totally sucks. I think you are underestimating your chances for self depreciation humor, which is fine. Seriously man, you're great, the stuff you write is great, and you're going to laid, find a soul mate, or find someone to lie real still as you play horny coroner or whatever you want man, you're going to get it.

[pinback]

Any chick who isn't crazy for you totally sucks.

Yeah. Like THIS broad!

I think you are underestimating your chances for self depreciation humor, which is fine.

I don't understand this sentence.

Seriously man, you're great, the stuff you write is great

Whoa, down boy! There's plenty of Pinner to go around.

and you're going to laid

Whoa, Jesus!

find a soul mate

Already did!

horny coroner

HAHAhahahahaaaaaaa. Where does he GET this stuff?

Horny Coroner. That's the bee's knees!

[Worm]

Any chick who isn't crazy for you totally sucks.

Yeah. Like THIS broad!

http://alexamodel.com/welcome.jpg [nws]
Jesus H. Christ. I mean yeah, physically she's good looking, but sucking on a shoe's heel? Who is that for, The shoe fetishests? Oh, and, Alexa, why are you so =( when you use your dildo?



She looks positively HORRIFIED in that fifth one.

[pinback]

Assuming we can get the above post edited (or preferably deleted), let's move on.

Another day, another: PINBACK'S WOMAN!!!!

---

Name: Lauren
Nickname: Uhh... "The Laurenator"?
How Met: Craigslist post.
Picture: Here!
Status: INCOMING.

Pros:
- Seems amiable, and willing to go out for a good time!

Cons:
- Will only be in town for two weeks in November, and then is heading back to NY, where she lives.

Updates:
- Sent me that picture because she "was dying to see mine". So I sent her mine.
- Ain't actually heard back from her since then.

Chance of success: Well, she's here for two weeks, so either 0% or 20%, depending on how you define "success".

Enthusiasm level: Temporary.