All The Superman Movies, Listed From Best To Worst

lethargic · Post by **lethargic** » Fri Jan 31, 2014 3:25 pm

Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor.

I feel like somebody just shit in my mouth.

But without any of the sexiness of that.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Jan 31, 2014 11:52 pm

This is a fucking outrage. Lex Luthor is an OLDER WHITE GUY. There is literally nobody in Hollywood who isn't an older white guy except Denzel, V.I.N.C.E.N.T. and Jesse Eisenberg. How do you fuck this up?

How does someone fuck this up like this?

Hey, you know who would make a great Jimmy Olson? Morgan Freeman, voiced by the teacher from Peanuts.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:20 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:V.I.N.C.E.N.T.

Holy shit. I'm prepared to shut it down for 2014 on the strength of that. Amazing.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sat Feb 01, 2014 4:06 am

lethargic · Post by **lethargic** » Sat Feb 01, 2014 2:13 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:This is a fucking outrage. Lex Luthor is an OLDER WHITE GUY. There is literally nobody in Hollywood who isn't an older white guy except Denzel, V.I.N.C.E.N.T. and Jesse Eisenberg. How do you fuck this up?

I don't care about his age. I just don't like Jesse Eisenberg. His entire career seems to be based on watching Woody Allen movies and then acting like Woody Allen in every movie.

That and he literally hasn't been in one movie I like.

I think MoS showed that they are not making a Superman filled with the same old traditional tropes. All the characters were updated. Lois wasn't the usual Lois. The Kents weren't the usual Kents. Perry wasn't the usual Perry. Olson had a vagina. Everything is being modernized. It seems pretty obvious now that they're basing Luthor on the modern day young genius internet startup billionaire hipster. Which I think could be interesting. But the thing that seems silly to me is that they decided they wanted to make a Zuckerberg type Luthor so they just grabbed the guy who played Zuckerberg. The same for Jeremy Irons playing Alfred.

"Hey, we need an old British guy who looks good in a suit.

Jeremy Irons looks good in a suit.

HIRE HIM!!!!

We need a guy who can play a young billionaire who is a smarmy dickhead.

Oooh, who was that kid in Social Network?

I don't remember. Go to IMDB and HIRE HIM!!!"

The argument against Eisenberg that is driving me crazy is the height argument. They say he can't play Luthor because he's 5'7 and Cavill is 6' and Affleck is 6'4.

WTF?

What does that have to do with Lex Luthor? I would almost understand it if people were saying he's not bald enough. But height? Who cares? Lex Luthor is not supposed to be some bad ass super villain. He's a genius, businessman, scientist, etc. He's not going to be having fist fights with Superman and Batman. He controls things from behind the scenes. If he needs to get his hands dirty he wears power armor. Lex Luthor's height has never meant anything to anybody until now.

And a short Luthor makes a lot of sense and could add more depth. It gives him another reason to use his intellect for evil, to strike out at the world. I could see a conniving little Luthor no problem. All his intellect, yet he's still a little shrimp, so he resents people for it. Then here comes Superman, this big physical specimen, so not only does it sicken him that people look to Superman as a savior instead of him, but the physical difference feeds his jealousy.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Feb 01, 2014 2:43 pm

lethargic wrote: That and he literally hasn't been in one movie I like.

You didn't fucking like Social Network? That's a lethargic-level bad opinion.

lethargic · Post by **lethargic** » Sun Feb 02, 2014 12:13 pm

Why would I? Oh, cool, a bunch of annoying characters sitting around typing on laptops. How riveting.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Feb 02, 2014 2:35 pm

lethargic wrote:I don't care about his age.

I do! I mean, otherwise, why not just make your own character? It's not Lex Luthor any more. People in their 50s, where I have always placed Luthor, are PRICKS. Well, whatever, I wasn't going to see it anyway.

Olson had a vagina.

Hahha, was Jimmy Olson really a girl in the last Superman movie? Holy fuck, the desire to not simply make a new character on the part of the cowards that write this shit is unreal.

lethargic · Post by **lethargic** » Sun Feb 02, 2014 4:37 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
lethargic wrote:I don't care about his age.
I do! I mean, otherwise, why not just make your own character? It's not Lex Luthor any more. People in their 50s, where I have always placed Luthor, are PRICKS. Well, whatever, I wasn't going to see it anyway.

This is just like the Batman site I post at. I WANT to be against the casting and be the negative person, but other people's arguments are so insane I end up defending it and looking like I'm for it when I'm not.

lethargic · Post by **lethargic** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 4:18 pm

Now the scuttlebutt says The Rock will be playing the John Stewart Green Lantern.

"Fans" are complaining that he has too many muscles to play him.

This is how insane the internet has become. You can have too many muscles to play a superhero.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 4:25 pm

lethargic wrote:Now the scuttlebutt says The Rock will be playing the John Stewart Green Lantern.

"Fans" are complaining that he has too many muscles to play him.

This is how insane the internet has become. You can have too many muscles to play a superhero.

Spider-Man?

lethargic · Post by **lethargic** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 5:22 pm

Chef Boyardee?

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 6:50 pm

I'd pay real money to see a Chef Boyardee action hero movie.

What powers would he have? What powers DOESN'T he have?
He could be the villain against Chuck Norris as they duke it out on the wing of a C-131 starlifter.

THE
SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER
AARDVARK

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 9:25 pm

Chef throws a pillow of pasta over the bad guy's head.

"You've been RAVIOLIED... BITCH."

Spaghetti-o-no-you-didn't.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 10:38 am

There was some dumb fucking picture posted to Reddit titled, "SO YOU THINK EISENBERG CAN'T BE LEX LUTHOR" or something. It was a Photoshop mockup (I hope) of the dude with no hair in a suite.

It looked like Eisenberg with no hair in a suit.

I think the guy can act, so honestly, who really cares. I don't want to go into the same realm of people that lethargic encountered who lost it when Affleck got the role of Batman. Since they are doing movies where Superman breaks people's necks, it's a clear message to everyone who supported the character that this stuff isn't "for" us, so they can make Lex Luthor the eTrade baby as long as the eTrade baby can express rage at Superman properly.

lethargic · Post by **lethargic** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 9:09 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:There was some dumb fucking picture posted to Reddit titled, "SO YOU THINK EISENBERG CAN'T BE LEX LUTHOR" or something. It was a Photoshop mockup (I hope) of the dude with no hair in a suite.

Comic book fan casting 100% revolves around how good photoshopped pictures of the actors look.

Since they are doing movies where Superman breaks people's necks, it's a clear message to everyone who supported the character that this stuff isn't "for" us

Where was all this outrage after he killed Zod in Superman 2? Or the comics for that matter?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 8:29 pm

lethargic wrote:Why would I? Oh, cool, a bunch of annoying characters sitting around typing on laptops. How riveting.

I'm prepared to say lethargic didn't watch TSN.

Lethargic, did you watch The Social Network?

lethargic · Post by **lethargic** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 1:18 am

pinback wrote:
lethargic wrote:Why would I? Oh, cool, a bunch of annoying characters sitting around typing on laptops. How riveting.
I'm prepared to say lethargic didn't watch TSN.

Lethargic, did you watch The Social Network?

Of course I did. Oh no is it another problem because I don't like something that pinback likes? Oh no!!! How will the world ever survive this???? Go fucking die you miserable piece of shit.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 3:22 pm

lethargic wrote:
pinback wrote:
lethargic wrote:Why would I? Oh, cool, a bunch of annoying characters sitting around typing on laptops. How riveting.
I'm prepared to say lethargic didn't watch TSN.

Lethargic, did you watch The Social Network?
Of course I did. Oh no is it another problem because I don't like something that pinback likes? Oh no!!! How will the world ever survive this???? Go fucking die you miserable piece of shit.

Wow! Sorry man! Didn't mean to make you flip out like that.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Feb 26, 2014 10:35 pm

lethargic wrote:
pinback wrote:
lethargic wrote:Why would I? Oh, cool, a bunch of annoying characters sitting around typing on laptops. How riveting.
I'm prepared to say lethargic didn't watch TSN.

Lethargic, did you watch The Social Network?
Of course I did. Oh no is it another problem because I don't like something that pinback likes? Oh no!!! How will the world ever survive this???? Go fucking die you miserable piece of shit.

This is the last post lethargic made to Jolt Country. I don't understand what we could have done differently. We all just bust each other's balls here. None of it is meant to be taken seriously.

This stagnant, awful site. :(