2003 Masters Report - Excerpt

The Augusta Reporter · Sun Apr 13, 2003 8:37 pm

Not all was cheery, however, after Mike Weir's historic win. Georgia state police received a 911 call at approximately 7:12 PM local time reporting the sound of gunshots in a nearby hotel. Upon arriving at the scene, Deputy Sheriff Val Hammond made a chilling discovery, as a man was found dead in a room he had reserved since Monday afternoon of this week, apparently as a result of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Clues as to the reason for the apparent suicide were sketchy, as the man, described as a slightly obese white man in his late thirties had relatively few possessions with him, and no identification. All that was found was the man's laptop computer, and a wallet containing a photo of two small white dogs, and an apparently self-made business card featuring Tiger Woods' famous "TW" logo and the word "TigerCast" emblazoned next to it.

Ben · Post by **Ben** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 12:36 pm

The Question:

What happens when a fake character nobody cared about dies?

The Answer:

Nothing.

Oh well. I'll miss you, TigerCast 2003.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 12:53 pm

Oh, you were describing TigerCast? I thought you were describing yourself or Clash. It didn't quite make sense, though, as Clash is in his early 50s, and you are not morbidly obese.

Anyway: he's DEAD!? Tigercast2003 is fucking dead?!!!

Ben · Post by **Ben** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 1:11 pm

He had pictures of two small white dogs (Bichon Frise) and a business card that said "TigerCast", and you couldn't figure out that it was TigerCast?

You're admitting that here, in front of everyone?

And YES, he is DEAD. He shot himself in the HEAD.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 1:26 pm

I don't understand the dog reference.

And seriously -- dead? Did a mortician or a funeral director, or even a doctor confirm this? Can we get a confirmation from one or all of those people? I'm not willing to believe he's dead just yet. YET. The AOL keyword is "yet."

Ben · Post by **Ben** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 1:47 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I don't understand the dog reference.

Some Sysops like to read the things that their users are posting to their BBS, some don't. It's cool either way.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 1:52 pm

Are we going to get this cleared up or not? This death thing, I mean. I expected at least two morticians by this point.

And ANY of us could have had dogs. Where are you getting this from? Look, do you think I *like* how the base is otherwise? Here's the base. Are you ready? Here it is:

ICJ: Hurf URH I LIKE GOOD CHARLOOTE HRRURUR
ICJ: Yankees more like YANK MEES HUH HURRHRH

... that's not a base I want to be a part of.

And now TigerCast2003 is dead? No. No!! I refuse to believe it. I need a picture reference or something.

Augusta Country Coroner · Mon Apr 14, 2003 1:52 pm

Dat dude be dead!

Oh my Lordy!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 1:54 pm

No. However, I do own two Bichon Frise dogs.

Ah.

Erm.

That's what you were probably referring to.

A-ha.

Um.

Ben · Post by **Ben** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 2:43 pm

Yeah, I got TWO WORDS for that:

Word #1: Hur.
Word #2: Dur.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 3:16 pm

Well, look, I am still shaken up that somebody I know over the Internet is dead. It's like a real death, only I don't get that worked about it or use it as an excuse to blow off work.

I thought we'd have some pics by now, though. At least a nice, cool, keen, faked photograph or something. Or even chunks of a guy in a "Tiger Woods" shirt or something (reasonably priced at $19.99 at Foot Locker!).

JC Poop Player · Post by **JC Poop Player** » Mon Apr 14, 2003 4:01 pm

As a real internet entity, I am both saddened and discouraged by the loss of TigerCast 2003. This is a shocking blow to the JC community. Simply tragic.

He burst onto the JC BBS scene and was an over-nite, instant success. And a real hit with the JC ladies, I hear. Damn, life just ain't fair. That guy had it all! And now he's gone...

I think I speak for all the Players when I say TigerCast 2003 was an inspiration to all of us aspiring JC denizens.

He was loved. He will be missed.

As a show of respect for the man, the poop content will be lowered to "half-mast".

to be continued...