All The Star Trek Movies, Listed From Best To Worst

[pinback]

1. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.
2. Star Trek (Abrams)
3. Star Trek: Into Darkness (Abrams)
4. Star Trek: The Motion Picture (*)
5-x. Everything else is shit.

Hate Abrams all you want (and I don't understand where the hate is coming from, but perhaps you can explain it to me) but his two movies are better than anything anyone else was able to do with the franchise for over 30 years.

And before anyone brings it up, Voyage Home is shit. It was fun at the time, but it was every form of pandering possible, rolled into one stupid-ass buddy movie.

And before anyone brings THESE up, Undiscovered Country and First Contact both blew. You accept them as the "good ones" because the "bad ones" were SO mind-destroyingly terrible that these looked like quality art in comparison.

I am glad Abrams is doing what he's doing, because he actually got decent writers and very good actors to do this shit, showing how easy it was to completely shame most of what came before and everyone involved in it.

And they should be. They should be ashamed at what they've done.

(*) And this only makes the list because the entire movie is the last 10 minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey stretched over two hours. Approved.

[lethargic]

I don't understand Abrams hate either. I don't like some things he's done, I like other things he's done. I don't see anything there to hate. Yet I've met a handful of people who hate the man as if he poisoned their dog. I remember people hated him when did Mission Impossible 3 and that was his first directing gig outside of 5 TV episodes. How do you hate a guy before you even see what he can do?

I figure if you don't like his Star Trek you really just have a black heart. You might as well just go ahead and admit you hate fun.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I dislike him but I will let that go for this thread. What's really at stake here is Pinback not listing Star Trek 6 where it belongs.

Here is the real list. I haven't seen Star Trek: Into Darkness yet.

Star Trek 2
Star Trek 6
Star Trek: First Contact
Star Trek 4
"Star Trek" the newer one
Star Trek: Generations
Star Trek: TMP
Star Trek 3
Star Trek: Insurrection
Star Trek: Nemesis
Star Trek 5

Ben saying that the new "Star Trek" is better than the Undiscovered Country is just him trying to make me mad. He has made me mad.

[The Happiness Engine]

More like The Pleasure WORF, amirite?

[RealNC]

If Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner are missing, it's shit by definition.

[Flack]

I have only seen three Star Trek movies. I saw the new one (not the "new new" one but the one before that) and thought it was pretty good. I saw the Wrath of Khan when I was a little kid at the drive-in. I remember hairy chests and ear worms. I saw the one where they saved the whales. I remember turning it off before it was over.

Wait I think I saw the one where Spock died.

[pinback]

Star Trek 6
Star Trek: First Contact

You 6/First Contact people make me so mad.

Ben saying that the new "Star Trek" is better than the Undiscovered Country is just him trying to make me mad. He has made me mad.

I think people remember UC as being better than it was, since it had been so long since any of those movies were even passable. But it isn't. The prison scenes are an excuse for dick jokes, the "bad Kirk/good Kirk thing", and getting that hot chick screentime.

The rest of the movie is a not-quite-good-enough-to-be-called-mediocre whodunnit. Which is fine, but this is STAR TREK. There was no STAR TREKKIN', just a bunch of amateur Sherlock Holmeses.

And the final showdown consists of one torpedo, and an explosion, the film for which would be immediately re-used in the following movie. Granted, that's not this movie's fault, but it's hard not to laugh and cringe every time you see that.

[AArdvark]

They overdid the Shakespeare quotes in that movie.

Everyone seemed like an archetype rather than a character.

[lethargic]

You want to talk about movies you remember being better than they were, I am currently re-watching all the Superman movies. Uggh.

[CO]

Lately I've had a new found affinity for ST3. Christopher Lloyd kicks ass with his over the top Klingon commander performance. The stealing and subsequent blowing up of the Enterprise was classic. I love the part where the Klingon crew shows up on the bridge and they're like "only the computer is talking here" and then Christopher Lloyd freaks the fuck out yelling to get out of there. If you can fast forward through the crap at the beginning and turn it off once they get off Genesis then it's a pretty enjoyable flick.

[lethargic]

I only became a Star Trek fan in recent years. I have yet to watch the movies. I did watch a couple of them as a kid but I don't remember them. I know I watched a TNG one and a one with whales.

I just don't know if I would enjoy them. Part of the charm of the show is that it was so low budget and so primitive. And every woman in it was hot. I'm glad I didn't watch this as a kid. I'd be fapping all over the place. Even as an adult the chick from What Are Little Girls Made Of made me think about whipping my Roddenberry out in full view in the living room.

[pinback]

The stealing and subsequent blowing up of the Enterprise was classic.

I have always maintained that the "stealing the Enterprise scene" is the single greatest moment of the entire Star Trek oeuvre or whatever the word is I mean there.

It's just, everything around it is so adequate-to-mediocre that I can't bring myself to call the movie itself "good".

But I agree with the thing you just said. The Enterprise blowing up scene was the first time I ever cried at a movie (and still the last genuine emotion I remember experiencing.)

[pinback]

I only became a Star Trek fan in recent years. I have yet to watch the movies. I did watch a couple of them as a kid but I don't remember them. I know I watched a TNG one and a one with whales.

I just don't know if I would enjoy them. Part of the charm of the show is that it was so low budget and so primitive. And every woman in it was hot. I'm glad I didn't watch this as a kid. I'd be fapping all over the place. Even as an adult the chick from What Are Little Girls Made Of made me think about whipping my Roddenberry out in full view in the living room.

brb

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Star Trek 6
Star Trek: First Contact

You 6/First Contact people make me so mad.

I am not a strong proponent of First Contact. But shit blew up nicely. Yes, it makes no sense and is dumb and Picard isn't written at all like Picard. But shit blew up nicely.

You're completely insane when it comes to the Undiscovered Country.

Star Trek 6 was the end of the voyages of the crew that I grew up watching. It seemed to be on all the time. I can't explain how alien Star Trek was to little ICJ. I fucking hated Sesame Street and Mr Rogers and all that crap. At that age I didn't know what was happening in Star Trek. Didn't know any of the characters, didn't appreciate Spock, didn't know jack shit. But it looked different and genuinely futuristic and there were bold colors and Scotty spoke funny and I liked the girls in their skirts and boots, though I didn't know why.

As I got older, I watched all the episodes again and understood what was going on. The low budget gives the show so much charm. Nimoy was the first decent television character and remained that way for years. Spock is still probably the best television character in history depending on how you feel about Missah White.

I think people remember UC as being better than it was, since it had been so long since any of those movies were even passable. But it isn't. The prison scenes are an excuse for dick jokes, the "bad Kirk/good Kirk thing", and getting that hot chick screentime.

Punching a guy in the knees, which is really his testicles, is not a "dick joke." It is believable because Kirk had been punching out aliens for 40 years at that point in his fictional career.

Shatner was, what, 60 in that movie? I thought it was nice that he still thought he could seduce Mrs. Bowie in that one scene. It really is poking fun at Shatner and Kirk together. And McCoy rolling his eyes at it -- haha, come on. Do you not have a SOUL? That's some good shit. That was a great scene that meant something to everyone who sat through 77 episodes (or whatever) of James T. Kirk.

The rest of the movie is a not-quite-good-enough-to-be-called-mediocre whodunnit. Which is fine, but this is STAR TREK. There was no STAR TREKKIN', just a bunch of amateur Sherlock Holmeses.

Yes, Sherlock Holmes, the character that has so little to do with Star Trek that his entry on the Trekipedia is almost as long as every single word entered into this BBS from end to end.

And the final showdown consists of one torpedo, and an explosion, the film for which would be immediately re-used in the following movie. Granted, that's not this movie's fault, but it's hard not to laugh and cringe every time you see that.

I made a Youtube video where I used footage of Magnolia interlaced with my dick, so Magnolia sucks now. Sorry, you can no longer think it is good.

They shot a ship that couldn't have shields but had cloak and could fire while cloaked, right? Did you actually watch the movie? What do you think happens to a ship with no shields that has a science fiction torpedo shot through it? How many do you believe it should take to destroy such a ship? With no shields, I will re-state. I'll wait for you to come up with a number and pretend that Sulu didn't say "target that explosion and fire" which means there was more than one torpedo anyway.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I only became a Star Trek fan in recent years. I have yet to watch the movies. I did watch a couple of them as a kid but I don't remember them. I know I watched a TNG one and a one with whales.

I just don't know if I would enjoy them. Part of the charm of the show is that it was so low budget and so primitive. And every woman in it was hot. I'm glad I didn't watch this as a kid. I'd be fapping all over the place. Even as an adult the chick from What Are Little Girls Made Of made me think about whipping my Roddenberry out in full view in the living room.

brb

Jesus. Yes.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

They overdid the Shakespeare quotes in that movie.

Everyone seemed like an archetype rather than a character.

It was dumb that Christopher Plummer was a guy named CHANG who quoted Shakespeare yes. With that name he should have been quoting Confucius.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

But I agree with the thing you just said. The Enterprise blowing up scene was the first time I ever cried at a movie (and still the last genuine emotion I remember experiencing.)

Rage counts. We know you feel rage. Not in this thread, but at home. Rage is an emotion.

[lethargic]

Here's what that girl looks like now.

I didn't put it as a picture in order to save your boners.

http://celebslists.com/images/sherry-jackson-03.jpg

I also found a picture of her naked from her Star Trek days. I didn't think you guys would appreciate it though.

[pinback]

Here's what that girl looks like now.

I didn't put it as a picture in order to save your boners.

http://celebslists.com/images/sherry-jackson-03.jpg

Ohhh my god, she's a year older than my mother!!!










brb

[pinback]

As I got older, I watched all the episodes again and understood what was going on. The low budget gives the show so much charm. Nimoy was the first decent television character and remained that way for years. Spock is still probably the best television character in history depending on how you feel about Missah White.

So far none of this has to do with 6.

Shatner was, what, 60 in that movie? I thought it was nice that he still thought he could seduce Mrs. Bowie in that one scene. It really is poking fun at Shatner and Kirk together. And McCoy rolling his eyes at it -- haha, come on. Do you not have a SOUL? That's some good shit. That was a great scene that meant something to everyone who sat through 77 episodes (or whatever) of James T. Kirk.

It was fine. I'm telling you, it was better than most. Better than most!! BETTER THAN MOST!!!!

[youtube][/youtube]

But now I just watched 2 again with my wife and she's telling me she still thinks 6 is better, which just infuriates me, and now I just wish everyone would go away so I could enjoy the few things I enjoy and hate the few things I hate and everyone just leave me alone.

6 better than 2. Even Nicholas Meyer thinks that's bullshit.

I made a Youtube video where I used footage of Magnolia interlaced with my dick, so Magnolia sucks now. Sorry, you can no longer think it is good.

Obviously that criticism wasn't meant to be taken seriously. It IS hilarious, though, you have to admit. How-- I mean, really, how did that happen. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. "I know we have the most dedicated, huge fanbase in the entire world who, by the way, likes to nitpick everything... but we need a new explosion!! And we don't have one!! And we're in Hollywood!!! WHERE ARE WE GONNA FIND AN EXPLOSION IN HOLLYWOOD AT THIS TIME OF-- ah fuck it just use the one from the CLIMACTIC SCENE OF THE LAST FUCKING MOVIE."

That is the worst thing ever. Yes, that's a "Generations" insult and shouldn't be held against 6, but as of right now, this thread is about how terrible that is. Oh man.