The Jolt Country Advice Thread!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue May 21, 2002 3:19 pm

Welcome to the Jolt Country Advice Thread!

In this thread you... the real-life Jolt Country Community will be able to get quality advice from the array of slightly off-kilter denizens, friendly anamorphs, thugs, arachnoids and outright gimmicks that read the site daily.

The rules are simple, the survivors are few -- heh, whoops! That's the instructions for Flightmare. Sorry. But. Anyway: to receive your custom tailored advice, please just enter it into the thread using the "reply" button. To give a poster advice, just add your comments to the thread the same way, taking special care to use the "quote" function if replying to an earlier request than the last one.

Excelsior!

Jack Straws Bitch · Post by **Jack Straws Bitch** » Tue May 21, 2002 6:47 pm

well... I like advice. I am bisexual. I jump back and forth from finding women and men attractive... I also jump back and forth from the dominant and submissive sexual roles.
Should I make a choice? Should I stay in limbo and someday wind up with the "Grandma who loves threesomes" title? Mabey I am ready to take the plunge..

So should I be the carpet muncher, or the cocksucker?

What do you think?

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Tue May 21, 2002 10:23 pm

Bah! Puny fleshling! In the whole of the grip I shall have on your planet and Cybertron, your life is as meaningless and unfulfilling as any other of your race! The choices you make are insignificant... much like the might and tactical strength of the Autobots! Hahahah! Wait --

Starscream? Starscream, report! I see you scheming over there! The human slaves require nourishment! Have Frenzy order some 'pizzas' for them! ... what? What?! I will vaporize him for that! Bah! The space bridge will only be open for eleven minutes! Get me Soundwave!

Bah! Munch your delicious rug, fleshling! You will find your longing for that kind of pleasure all the more intense when your race is enslaved and we keep you as pets!!

Bah! Soundwave!!!

Da King · Post by **Da King** » Wed May 22, 2002 10:30 pm

Jack Straws Bitch wrote:well... I like advice. I am bisexual. I jump back and forth from finding women and men attractive... I also jump back and forth from the dominant and submissive sexual roles.
Should I make a choice? Should I stay in limbo and someday wind up with the "Grandma who loves threesomes" title? Mabey I am ready to take the plunge..

So should I be the carpet muncher, or the cocksucker?

What do you think?

Dear Jack Straws Bitch:
If you like playing both sides of the field, then by all means do it. You get the best of both worlds, and Straw not only gets physical pleasures of the flesh that only you can provide, but he also gets to watch the occasional lesbian thing, and maybe even participate too. In that scenario, EVERYONE WINS.

Keep playing.

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Thu May 23, 2002 2:27 am

STRAW WINS!

Make Straw happy, the girl-girl thing can be really cool, but beware we still want some PIE.

ChainGangGuy · Post by **ChainGangGuy** » Fri May 24, 2002 7:31 am

Hey, if a girl allows you to draw an NES controller on her breast (with her nipple as the 'b' button) using a permanent marker... is she a keeper?

Stilt Man · Post by **Stilt Man** » Fri May 24, 2002 3:36 pm

She'd certainly be a winner in my book, friend! Grab on to that gal and never ever let go.

Oh, I was wondering, are you a fresh, hip, new super-villain, "Chain Gang Guy?" If so, then it must have been fate's hand that brought us together on this, a website I've stumbled across, surprisingly, while breaking into the datbases at Kaxton Industries. Would you possibly be interested in joining in a partnership with Wilbur Day, the mayhem-making Stilt Man?

I'm currently looking to assemble a top-shelf team of super-villains, nefarious evil-doers and generally hopped-up hooligans to violently crush the Daredevil once and for all! Humiliate me, will he!? I haven't been taken seriously since the early 80's for crissakes! Ruthlessly crushing one of the city's most beloved heroes would finally bring respect and recognition to I, the Stilt Man!! Gone will be the days of being branded a loser and second rate villain. No longer will thoughtless youngsters call me the no good, worthless son of a fat bitch's rectum!!

The trouble is.. how do I bring the crafty Daredevil to his very knees? Hmm. Ironically, I came here today to give some advice, when really it is I, the incredibly iconoclastic Stilt Man who seeks knowledge and wisdom!

Blast it all! It appears I have been detected by one of the computer's numerous security programs. I must depart in haste, before hgiah scramblahhi9938&*f87***f@$5 must hurr8hhhgoaoiuOPGUUGggKaxtonIndustries!@^!444and leave signature93898666hguh3332aiasubmit /com submit

---Wilbur Day, the Stilt Man

Bullseye · Post by **Bullseye** » Mon May 27, 2002 8:41 pm

Well, I'm not going to lie to you. DD has been my arch-nemesis for years now, and if there is one man out there my equal... well, it's him. No question.

The guy simply has success against people with adamantium bones or shells. Heck, in the "Acts of Vengeance," Doctor Doom sent Ultron to fight him. FUCKING ULTRON. Sure, DD got a little help from those two Inhuman / Eternal / Whatever pansies, but DD beat Ultron. *Any* guy taking out an indestructable flying robot with multiple beam attacks and did I mention he can fly? is a force to be reckoned with.

My suggestion? Attack who is close to him. Get inside his head. It was recently revealed in the comic they make about him (DD #32 or #33 or something) that he is in fact a blind lawyer. So do your best with that knowledge, Stilt-Man. Actually, maybe the bunch of us should form a kind of Sinister Six and try to beat him that way? DOn't get me wrong. Most of you losers can't help me. But safety in numbers, I guess. Feh.

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Tue May 28, 2002 2:42 am

When making a toasty, should I put the oregano on before or after the pickle*?

*By which I mean the viscuous substance, not the dill-related thingy.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed May 29, 2002 12:42 am

Lex wrote:When making a toasty, should I put the oregano on before or after the pickle*?

*By which I mean the viscuous substance, not the dill-related thingy.

What the.... dear God man -- what the HELL is a "toasty"?

Eric · Post by **Eric** » Thu May 30, 2002 6:40 am

Well isn't it obvious what a toasty is?

http://www.dancing-man.com/robin/webhome/report2.htm

miouttamymind · Post by **miouttamymind** » Thu May 30, 2002 8:12 am

hmm.
Let me think about this one!
Alright here it goes.

How do you make a girl/guy realize how much you love them? Or how attractive you find them? When all they can do is put themselves down. This person is obviously really attractive; many people think so. But how do you get it through their think skulls?

advice:

Nintendo Controller Girl: That is just fucking awesome. Keep her and don't ever let her out of your sight. What else will she let you draw on her?

Confused Girl: Just be yourself, no matter what that means.

Daredevil's Undertaker: KABOOBOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Toasty: I still don't understand what a fucking toasty is. But as far as i am concerned oregano (seasonings) should always go after the Pickle.

loafergirl · Post by **loafergirl** » Sat Jun 01, 2002 1:08 am

Jack Straws Bitch wrote:well... I like advice. I am bisexual. I jump back and forth from finding women and men attractive... I also jump back and forth from the dominant and submissive sexual roles.
Should I make a choice? Should I stay in limbo and someday wind up with the "Grandma who loves threesomes" title? Mabey I am ready to take the plunge..

So should I be the carpet muncher, or the cocksucker?

What do you think?

Is there a choice in the matter? I never thought so.

-LG

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Tue Jun 04, 2002 5:09 am

Went to a party last night, Yenna, my bitch (it's actually our 1-year-together-teenage-anniversary-thing today), got drunk, and got makin' with a 15-year-old girl. That 15-year-old-girl then got makin' with another chick. At some point I was trapped in a teenybopper's bedroom with all three. I was being wrestled with & seduced.
And you know what? I couldn't do it. I couldn't take advantage of THREE DRUNK GIRLS!
So my question is this:
What self-loathing punishment should I bring upon myself?

P.S., pics of Yenna & the young lady will appear soon, I have to find who's camera was used.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jun 04, 2002 11:00 am

Punishment? Cut off your balls and hand them in to a registered service dealer near you. Science has been unable to clone balls for those people who need them (not due to the technology involved, no, it's because Jesus they're balls) so hopefully they will be able to attach them somewhere or someplace where they can do some good.

loafergirl · Post by **loafergirl** » Tue Jun 04, 2002 9:44 pm

Lex wrote: P.S., pics of Yenna & the young lady will appear soon, I have to find who's camera was used.

Like we haven't heard that before....

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Wed Jun 05, 2002 2:17 am

Speaking of which, I do have a bunch more pics from my last day at school - urrm, I'll have to find a scanner though, so hold on 'til Friday.

nessman · Post by **nessman** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 11:48 am

Lex wrote:Speaking of which, I do have a bunch more pics from my last day at school - urrm, I'll have to find a scanner though, so hold on 'til Friday.

OK - it's now um... Thursday June 13th. So far nothing.

Liar.

I jerk it to Scots · Post by **I jerk it to Scots** » Tue Jun 25, 2002 8:49 pm

And now it's June 25th. I suspect that LEX is a gimmick account!!! That he has never so much as spoke to a girl in his life much less photographed one!!

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Wed Jun 26, 2002 10:33 am

I'm the manic, wild-eyed one on the bottom right. Here's a catalogue I built a while ago:

As is known on Groucho, I've got a stack of 16 pictures of chicks flashing from my last day of school handy. I don't, however, have a working scanner. Currently all I have is:

taken just after the dance shown above, in the hotel room doncherknow.

The Jolt Country Advice Thread!

The Jolt Country Advice Thread!

To be or not to be a lesbian....

Re: To be or not to be a lesbian....

cut me a slice of advice

I'm walking on sunshine

Re: To be or not to be a lesbian....

hmmm