"Wolf"-Brand Chili

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri Aug 24, 2012 8:19 pm

I'm not even getting started on this until I find out:

Is anyone here familiar with the "Wolf" brand of canned chili, apparently normally found in "Wal-Mart"-brand stores?

I think maybe Flack. I think they sell it in Flack's neighborhood.

I'm not gonna get into this, though, if nobody knows about it. Fuck you, Robb.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri Aug 24, 2012 8:38 pm

I bet Tdarcos knew about Wolf-brand chili.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:59 pm

I know about Wolf Brand Chili.

I would say in general that it is chili intended to be put on things. Wolf Brand Chili would be ideal for putting on top of hot dogs, for example.

If you pour a can of Wolf Brand Chili into a bowl to eat by itself, you will see the grease float to the top. There's a reason it will look like a big bowl of diarrhea, because that's what it will be in about an hour.

To put it in terms Pinback would understand, Wolf Brand Chili (at least around here) is to chili as some generic bottle of Tabasco sauce is to your fancy hot sauces. Everybody here has one or more chili recipes. Wolf Brand Chili is like a Totinos frozen pizza.

That being said, we have a chili cookoff at work once a year and more than once, someone starting with Wolf Brand Chili has placed in the top three. Of course they started with Wolf Brand but then added their own spices, meat, and other ingredients.

So yeah. I wouldn't eat it for a meal, but I would put it on top of Mac 'N Cheese.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri Aug 24, 2012 10:10 pm

Well. Alright. Reasonable. You used two completely contradictory analogies, though:

Wolf = Tabasco sauce. Tabasco sauce is ubiquitous and also extremely wonderful, so in a sense, I agree with this.

Wolf = Totino's pizza. Totino's pizza is the worst thing you can possibly buy, so in every sense, I disagree with this.

Anyway, yes, Flack is right in that it performs better as a "sauce", or as a base for adding a bunch of stuff and making your own dish. Tonight I chose Wolf's over calrose rice, with roasted Hatch chiles, chopped onions and cheese.

As a BASE... and as a SAUCE, though... Shit is unbelievable.

Many places on the internet you will find people saying "all canned chili is garbage. Well, except for Wolf's." I was skeptical. I NO LONGER AM. (SKEPTICAL.)

It's closest, in fact, to Cincinnati's Skyline chili, which is also best as a sauce, and which is, along with Wolf's, one of the few things you can buy in a can(*) which is truly, truly excellent.

Anyway, I tried a can for lunch, and went out later and bought six more, just to make sure I never run out. WAIT I RAN OUT ALREADY.

(*) Also beer.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Fri Aug 24, 2012 10:27 pm

I just checked Sam's and you can get 6/15oz cans for about $8 there. I don't think you have Sam's out that far west but you might check Costco. Or, you know, I could smuggle cans into random Los Pollos Hermanos trucks headed your way.

As I was typing this my wife reminded me that there are multiple varieties of Wolf Brand Chili, including those with and without beans.

But yeah, for something coming out of a can as a topper for hot dogs, or macaroni noodles, or nachos, it's good stuff. And it has a recipe I can follow. (Open can. Pour into container. Heat. Eat. Poop.) Those custom chili recipes I mentioned earlier, people tend to pride themselves on hour many hours or days it takes to prepare them. Wolf Brand is a minutes thing.

Also, the first time you open a can of Wolf Brand Chili and then open a can of Alpo, you can never un-make that association.

[youtube][/youtube]

"Well that's too long."

(That's not what she said.)

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri Aug 24, 2012 11:50 pm

I appreciate you're trying to find it for me, but the only reason I started this thread is, I just had it, because we can get it here in New Mexico, which is why--- well, you understand.

Someone set this to wubmachine and let's get on with it.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Aug 25, 2012 10:22 am

Ben moved to a place with the best green chile in the world and decided to buy a bunch of chili. The inferior version.

In other news, I took a trip up to Maine! I'm there now! You wouldn't believe all the meals I had eating pubic crab!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Aug 25, 2012 12:31 pm

i put the green chile into the chili.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sat Aug 25, 2012 6:28 pm

Speaking of topping sauce, how'd that Tahous survive the Oklahoma heat?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 11:09 am

You sent Flack some Nick Tahoue's?!?!

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 5:55 pm

'Twas the least I could do for his generous hospitality.

Also a couple other retro goodies I had laying around that needed a real home.

THE
APPRECIATIVE
AARDVARK

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 6:02 pm

What were those?!

Flack, we'd like to hear your TAKE on the garbage plate. Please keep in mind that the garbage plate is the finest thing our hometown has ever produced. I don't want to create bias, but we'll probably hurt you here in this thread.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 7:00 pm

I'd like to talk more about "Wolf"-brand chili.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 8:10 pm

I'd like a nice Wolf cola.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Mon Aug 27, 2012 7:38 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:What were those?!

Flack, we'd like to hear your TAKE on the garbage plate. Please keep in mind that the garbage plate is the finest thing our hometown has ever produced. I don't want to create bias, but we'll probably hurt you here in this thread.

Vark graciously sent me some Star Trek walkie talkies (which Mason LOVES), a postcard, the sauce, some things for Morgan, an old Coleco handheld game ... I gotta tell you, he really raised the bar for future house guests and I'm just going to tell you ICJ, next year I expect you to step up your game.

We have not used the hot sauce yet because we weren't sure what to put it on, if you just use it like regular hot sauce or if you're supposed to follow a Garbage Plate recipe and use it on that. It is sitting on the shelf above the stove and I see it every time I walk into the kitchen.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Mon Aug 27, 2012 1:50 pm

Use it to top off some Wolf brand chili! Or just as a burger/hot dog topping.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Aug 27, 2012 3:27 pm

Flack wrote:Vark graciously sent me some Star Trek walkie talkies (which Mason LOVES), a postcard, the sauce, some things for Morgan, an old Coleco handheld game ... I gotta tell you, he really raised the bar for future house guests and I'm just going to tell you ICJ, next year I expect you to step up your game.

Could you send me an itemized receipt for everything he sent? I will top it with a single dollar bill attached to a check for that amount. This is the sort of tactics I've adopted in becoming the second-best nephew from a field of two. They like my BROTHER more than they like me, and my brother is a hateful, almond-headed race baiter.

Varkus thinks he can top me? ME? With bribes? All right. All right.

I will get in two fights with my girlfriend next year. Top that, you ragweeds. And this time I won't retreat to the sanctum sanctorum of a roomful of Star Wars toys. I'm going to live-Skype the fight in Mason's bedroom give him a "sneak peak" of what his life will soon be like. He will be messed up so bad he'll be taking a cereal box to the prom.

JC FUN FAX: Name a cereal box with a girl on it. You can't.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Mon Aug 27, 2012 3:34 pm

Oh wait, off topic....

THE
STAY FOCUSED
AARDVARK

Flack-iPad · Post by **Flack-iPad** » Mon Aug 27, 2012 8:50 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Could you send me an itemized receipt for everything he sent?

Gah ... priceless?

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I will get in two fights with my girlfriend next year. Top that, you ragweeds. And this time I won't retreat to the sanctum sanctorum of a roomful of Star Wars toys. I'm going to live-Skype the fight in Mason's bedroom give him a "sneak peak" of what his life will soon be like. He will be messed up so bad he'll be taking a cereal box to the prom.

Mason said he will have to run that plan past "Uncle Aardvark" first.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:49 pm

Well, as I am house sitting for Ben, I can confidently state that after having Wolf chili, I will now be house shitting for Ben.

This is stuff is a complete abomination. Flack is right: you can put it on top of things. Like the ground outside, for instance.

This is fucking terrible! I am actually outraged that Ben moved to the LAND OF CHILES and is eating this fecund dickrot.

I ate a little too much yesterday -- so today, I reeled it in. One of my two meals was a hot dog (delicious) a single green chile (delicious) and a little bit of Wolf chili on top. It was fucking terrible. It was so bad that two dogs in this house had a chance to eat it and they didn't. Have you ever heard of a substance that DOGS won't eat?

(This is where Aardvark can post Strawberry Shortcake cereal again.)

.... I really am bitter about all this. This is like moving to Kansas City and then eating nothing but piggy banks with ketchup.