Battleship 2012 isn't as bad as you might think

CO · Post by CO » Wed Jun 06, 2012 12:59 am

So Battleship 2012 is worth a watch, especially for people who either enjoyed the Battleship board game or Star Blazers. Although it is like they took the independence day formula, added a generic matt damon and the hasboro game battleship, it's surprisingly interesting. They actually bring the board game into the movie in a relevant way, congrats. Also, i could have downloaded the new Battleship Yamato movie instead but this movie actually evoked the same "battleships kick ass" emotions that star blazers did so bonus for that. Overall, a great way to spend a flight to vegas and an extra half hour. four stars or buds or whatever.

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:04 pm

Did Liam Neeson yell "You sunk my battleship!" at any point during the movie?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jun 26, 2012 6:48 am

So between the Transformers franchise and the Battleship one, I think we're learning more about Casual Observer's taste in movies than the movies themselves.

Reaction????!

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:01 pm

Even while severely inebriated on one or two different (yet fully legal) substances, Battleship was still a horrible, cringe worthy film.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Wed Nov 14, 2012 4:07 am

Was the movie a nostalgic, feel-good piece designed to make us miss the style of warfare that nobody no longer uses or could sustain? I ask because someone at work was telling someone else about a battleship movie and I happened to overhear.

THE
MIGHTY MO
AARDVARK

Note: the USS Missouri no longer has boilers.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:12 pm

CO as a history professor: "Slavery and the Holocaust actually weren't that bad if you had a couple beers through them."

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:44 pm

In a way I thought it represented art, even though I found parts of it confusing.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:58 pm

CO as a vacation getaway hike guide: "90% of the Bataan Death March was at a fun yet brisk place, but the photographs in that roll were suppressed by your Jew media."

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:04 am

As were all the good parts of Battleship? The one reason I even thought about the movie was because supposedly Liam Neeson screams, "You sunk my battleship!" and instead it was a sub-par scifi film.

The only recent film that was a bigger propaganda flop was Battle For LA.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:18 am

RetroRomper wrote:As were all the good parts of Battleship? The one reason I even thought about the movie was because supposedly Liam Neeson screams, "You sunk my battleship!" and instead it was a sub-par scifi film.

The only recent film that was a bigger propaganda flop was Battle For LA.

Bump this thread every time Retro doesn't like something mainstream or with meat in it.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri Nov 30, 2012 10:53 pm

Also Battleship was just fine. Loud and stupid for the most part, yes, but there is a brilliance or two (or more) here:

1. The way the aliens turn it into a 5 on 5 fight (err, 4 on 3) as per the boardgame.

2. The way the jap dude uses the tsunami buoy system to track the bad guys on an alphanumeric grid, leading to the most spectacular sequence of "E...11? Miss!" that even the most inventive youngster could have conceived.

3. Most people don't get the movie, I think? Liam Neeson doesn't say "they sunk my battleship!" because there's only one battleship in the movie, and it doesn't get sunk, and that's the whole point. I would imagine that some kids actually LEARNED something from this movie, that being that battleships have long since been replaced by destroyers and carriers as the preferred vessels for naval warfare. So no, you're not watching "battleships fighting aliens". You just learned something, aw shit.

4. Retro, your heart has fucking died if you didn't enjoy them firing up BIG MO, even if it was completely ridiculous and you knew it was coming from the opening credits. It's a MOVIE for fucks sake.

5. And you'd destroy a 7-11 trying to get Brooklyn Decker a chicken burrito too.

Anyway, Battleship is gre-- is it great? Probably not. Parts are impossible to not enjoy unless you came into the theater or popped in the DVD ironically, ready to show all your buddies how much smarter and better you are than everyone else. Retro. You loser.

Fuck you. Battleship is great.

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 2:17 am

Truth be told, I didn't actually sit through Battleship: my review was based on fast forwarding through the film while a friend was passing around a plate piled with mildly illegal substances. However, I was unfortunate enough to watch Battle for LA in a theater setting and was subsequently ruined on any movie that is even vaguely related to a branch of the US Military.

Except for Top Gun or any films vaguely spy related (though the conspiracy / spy genre is a bit tired...).

Retro

PS Also note that I didn't actually trash the film, I just pointed out that Battleship is what it is: a loud yet (as these movies go) at times faintly clever but still poorly storied scifi flic.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:39 pm

What's this about Ms. Decker?