[MINI-REVIEW] Passion of the Chrizzist

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 3:56 pm

I finally saw this this weekend. I was expecting a great deal of gore, and a movie that was going to, if not convert me into a born againner, at least help me to appreciate the man and his dedication to peace and love, assuming he actually existed.

Instead, what I learned was:

EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE!

First, I learned that the Jews are assholes because they just went batshit on this dude, demanding his death because he spouted bullshit that wasn't consistent with the bullshit they wanted to hear.

Then, I learned that Romans are assholes because they're the most spineless douches on the planet, and if you want to do anything horrible, just get a Roman to do it, because he'll say how wrong it is, but do it anyway and pretend there was nothing else he could do. Romans are also assholes because they think everything is very very funny, particularly if it involves physical pain. "Haaa, ha ha ha!" - A Roman after stubbing his toe or contracting syphillus.

But most of all, I learned Jesus was an asshole, because he was a friggin' arrogant, delusional fuckwad. I mean, seriously, have you known someone like this? "Are you the King? Are you the way of salvation, and the true path to divine glory?" "Why, yes! Yes I am. I am all that, and a bag of organic corn chips! Got it? Lemme state it yet another way: I am the shit. There is nobody more awesomely great than me. I am all about me, and you should be too! I'm JESUS, Goddammit! Fuck, I rule."

There was indeed about 30 minutes of gore, but this was sprinkled throughout the other 100 minutes which consisted of Jesus' buddies looking very sad and concerned, in slow motion, into the camera. "I am sad and concerned!" they all seemed to be saying, by way of looking that way. In slow motion. For an hour and a half.

In summation: No.

One And A Half Sad And Concerned Stars (*1/2)

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 6:23 pm

I learned Jesus was an asshole

Gotta love freedom of speech, eh? I have not actually seen the movie on purpose because of the bad nasty things that were done to JC. I guess he had to be full of himself to go around spouting stuff about peace when every third person was sporting a sword. Should have made a stand for water and soap, sort of like his buddy John.

THE
COMMUNION WOULD BE MORE FUN
AARDVARK

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 7:11 pm

AArdvark wrote:I have not actually seen the movie on purpose because of the bad nasty things that were done to JC.

I actually read that as Jolt Country, saying to myself, yeah, he's right, but wtf? It was not until right then that I realized both constructions have the same initials.

I have been making stupid-as-shit mistakes for the past week and a half.

hygraed · Post by **hygraed** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 8:05 pm

OH MY GOD JC A BOMB

savvyraven · Post by **savvyraven** » Tue Feb 26, 2008 8:58 am

Uhh, Ben? Dude, your Jew is showing.

Post by **joltcountry** » Tue Feb 26, 2008 9:22 am

I had no idea the Romans were portrayed so poorly in "Passion." This is a plus as far as I am concerned!

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Tue Feb 26, 2008 4:38 pm

3-31-08: JoltCountry died for your sins.

THE
HUNG UP TO DRY
AARDVARK

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Feb 26, 2008 5:45 pm

I give my review of Passion of the Jesus three (***) stars, and I give all of your replies ZERO STARS.

Tdarcos · Post by **Tdarcos** » Fri May 16, 2008 10:00 am

pinback wrote:First, I learned that the Jews are assholes because they just went batshit on this dude, demanding his death because he spouted bullshit that wasn't consistent with the bullshit they wanted to hear.

Long before the director/producer/whatever of this movie, Mel Gibson, went around criticizing the cops trying to arrest him for DUI and accusing them of being Jews or Jew Lovers or some other drunk anti-semitic commentary, Robert A. Heinlein in <i>Stranger in a Strange Land</i> has Jubal Harshaw point out that Christ was crucified essentially for the crime of picketing without a permit. A practice that in that part of the world - oh hell, almost everywhere - is often still punishable by death.

I mean, someone in North Korea was executed last year for <i>making a phone call</i> out of the country without permission. On the other hand, maybe they felt he couldn't afford the bill. When a U.S. senator or diplomat was there a few years ago, they wouldn't let him out of the country until he paid the $27,000 phone bill for calls placed to the U.S. embassy in Toronto, in cash. (Calls had to be routed through the embassy in Toronto because calls to and from North Korea and the United States are not permitted.)

--
Paul Robinson - paul@paul-robinson.us - My Blog

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:14 pm

I started watching this earlier this evening. It occurred to me that I really have no idea what Easter, Passover, Lent and such were about.

This film didn't necessarily help me with that, but I think it is an amazing piece of work that I would never deign to watch again.

I mean, it's beyond being called a "good" or "bad" movie, isn't it? It's a guy (Gibson) trying to depict what he felt happened during the last 12 hours of Jesus's life.

It's the most horrible frigging thing I've ever seen and there's still a good 20 minutes of them beating the shit out of this dude.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Apr 09, 2012 11:05 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: I mean, it's beyond being called a "good" or "bad" movie, isn't it?

N-- no??

Either you think it's a documentary, in which case, documentaries are not exempt from criticism, or you think it's a work of fiction, in which case it's DEFINITELY not exempt from criticism because that's what all non-documentaries are.

It's a guy (Gibson) trying to depict what he felt happened during the last 12 hours of Jesus's life.

Can we critique Triumph of the Will? Can we at least do that?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:31 am

I think that Jim Caviezel's performance was outstanding.

The movie is the first thing that bothered communicating any emotion around the story of the magnitude of Christ dying for humanity's sins. The word "passion," in English, doesn't mean anything close to what it was supposed to mean. I have passion for a delicious pizza pie. I have passion for my football team.

I really liked the way it opened. Let's say there is a God. Let's say there WAS a time when God gave a shit about humanity. The conspiratorial tones and the cinematography used at night before Jesus was arrested was perfect.

The fight at the beginning was great as well. I know it's not cool to like Mel Gibson. But a brawl between Christ and three of his dudes directed by Martin Riggs? YES PLEASE.

Jami Bernard of the New York Daily News called it "the most virulently antisemitic movie made since the German propaganda films of World War II". I... guess I am not getting that. I mean, is The Wire anti-black? Is Always Sunny in Philadelphia anti-white? Were all the Romans Jews? Because it certainly didn't paint Romans in a particularly good light. Most movie reviewers are stupid assholes, though, so I am not inclined to take their side.

Tdarcos · Post by **Tdarcos** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:27 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Most movie reviewers are stupid assholes, though, so I am not inclined to take their side.

I have found in almost every case the general reviewers have the exact opposite opinion of what the movie should be.

The thing that scared me most was that I wanted to go see Starship Troopers but the reviewers almost universally cheered the film as great. But, then again, as they say, even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:39 am

See, now I can respect that review, Jonsey, cuz it was a review! I may not agree with it, but I'll DEFEND YOUR RIGHT TO SAY IT, as long as I am not inconvenienced in any way by said defense.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:03 pm

Well, what do you find disagreeable?? !

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 5:53 pm

I believe my thoughts on the film have been stated clearly, in this very thread.

RealNC · Post by **RealNC** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:12 am

I watched the movie when it came out. People were looking at us because we were laughing in there. I always wanted to see a movie where someone beats the shit out of Jesus.

I think we were the only ones eating pop corn.

I give the movie a 10 out of 10. It managed to actually make me enjoy watching someone get brutally tortured based purely on who he is and what he represents, thus making me realize that I must be an awful person.

Tdarcos · Post by **Tdarcos** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:50 am

RealNC wrote:I give the movie a 10 out of 10. It managed to actually make me enjoy watching someone get brutally tortured based purely on who he is and what he represents, thus making me realize that I must be an awful person.

Someone said that was probably what Tarrantino wanted to do in Inglorious Basterds, in which the Nazis are watching a movie of allied civilians being butchered and murdered,and cheering the "heroes" who are killing these people, then we watch as the "heroes" of this movie trap the Nazi civilians in the theater, then butcher and murder them.

Now, what does that say about us, as we cheer them being killed?

Penn and Teller:Bullshit had an episode about religion, specifically Christianity and the Bible, and said the greatest tool to turn intelligent people into atheists is the Bible itself.

[MINI-REVIEW] Passion of the Chrizzist

[MINI-REVIEW] Passion of the Chrizzist

Re: [MINI-REVIEW] Passion of the Chrizzist