Get Ready, Motherfuckers

[TigerCast 2K12]

El Tigre was doing pretty well there for a decade and a half or so, until it turned out he was a douchebag and his professional and personal lives fell apart and everyone pronounced it the end of the Tiger Era.

His game over the past two years has done nothing to silence those critics, as much as he continued to protest that things were coming around, coming around, now that he had time to practice, now that his leg was healthy.

...then he withdrew from Doral two weeks ago, in the last round, due to Achilles heel issues.

Even your faithful narrator, TigerCast 2K12 started to think that, yeah, maybe that was it. Maybe the weight of all of those leg surgeries and all of those Perkins' waitresses was finally too much. That we'd have to put away our pimento cheese sandwiches for good, and find solace only in misty watercolored memories of a man who was a God, before we found out that he was merely a God who was a man. (*)

But even after the withdrawal, he still said he was good to go at this week's Arnold Palmer Invitational.

And he was invited.

And he destroyed everyone. And it was the way he destroyed them. He just hit fairways, great iron shots, and made putts. And when he does that, you're done. Even though he's an old man now -- a dirty old man, we've come to find out -- he is still the man who, if he can hit irons and putts, pack it up. You're done.

He won by five, and it wasn't that close. It was the best he's looked since the salad days of yore.

It was enough, friends, to pull me out of retirement.

So get your pimentos, get your cheese, and get your shit together, because Augusta is in two weeks, and the Man Who Once Was King looks like he's ready to retake the throne.





(*) That's pretty good, actually. Nobody steal that from me.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Is there a certain pleasure in rooting for the "bad" guy, TigerCast2K12?

[Flack]

I dunno. Empire Strikes Back was the best Star Wars film, no? And who didn't love it when Clubber Lang kicked Rocky's ass?

[TigerCast 2K12]

I dunno. In some ways he was always the "bad guy". He would never acknowledge fans, he would never give anything but the blandest, most robotic interviews. In the end, it was never his personality, warmth, or humanity which gained him any of the hardest-core fans.

It was that he was GOLFBOT 3000. Born and bred from six months old to do one thing better than anyone ever had, and he did. It was an inspiration to someone like me who couldn't stick with one thing for more than a week if you threatened me at gunpoint.

Since he first came on to the scene, he just looked... different. Sure, he was black, lol, but it was more than that. It still is. Just watch golf. Watch a tournament he's in. He just looks different. He swings different. He putts different. People have reported that when he hits the ball, it sounds different from anyone else.

It's fun to watch someone playing a different game than everyone else around him. And, until the last couple years, beating the fucking piss out of them.

I will admit that it was fun for a great while to think that he was able to achieve this greatness while ALSO being a wonderful family man and great moral character. And it was, and still kind of is, a huge shock to find out that he wasn't what we thought and we hoped.

But ultimately it was never about that. It was just about seeing a Golf Monster who never existed on the planet before, and wondering at how it was possible for such a thing to exist.

We'd lost that for a while. But even Johnny Miller couldn't contain himself during the broadcast today.

Even he knew what he was watching, and even he couldn't help but admit he loved it.

The Golf Monster was back, and he loved watching it.

We all did.





GRrrrr.

[Tdarcos]

I dunno. In some ways he was always the "bad guy". He would never acknowledge fans, he would never give anything but the blandest, most robotic interviews. In the end, it was never his personality, warmth, or humanity which gained him any of the hardest-core fans.

I posted an item on "Double Don't Know" to TV Tropes:
Interviewer: How do you think your fans will react [now that you're returning to playing golf after being treated for sex addiction]?
Tiger Woods: I don't know. I don't know.
-- Interview, March 22, 2010

You know, it's funny. Michael Raugh recognized when I created - at your suggestion - the alter ego Lester Snow, and realized it was me posting under a sockpuppet when you and I were on his BBS before you started the Bull And Finch Pub.

So I have to admit, Ben, your postings about Tiger Woods were pretty good, but I recognize your style and since I have now outed you, using a nom-de-plume is no longer necessary.

And why is it that only "motherfucker" is an insult, why isn't "fatherfucker" one also?

"What was it you said before? Oh, yes, 'Yippie-ki-yay, mothafucka'."
- Hans Gruber, Die Hard

[captain years old news]

So I have to admit, Ben, your postings about Tiger Woods were pretty good, but I recognize your style and since I have now outed you, using a nom-de-plume is no longer necessary.

Duh, where the fuck have you been?

[Tdarcos]

So I have to admit, Ben, your postings about Tiger Woods were pretty good, but I recognize your style and since I have now outed you, using a nom-de-plume is no longer necessary.

Duh, where the fuck have you been?

To quote John McClane in Die Hard: Who the fuck is this? Who are you? Either you're part of the solution or you're part of the problem. Quit being part of the problem, jerkoff and put the other guy back on.

[pinback]

Here's a guy who just said everything I said, but took longer to say it, but arguably said it just as well.

I guess for now I'll drop the "TigerCast" moniker since ol' Rolling Thunder here has figured it all out.

http://sports.yahoo.com/golf/pga/news;_ ... ook_032512