[INFINITESIMAL REVIEW] The Greatest Game Ever Played

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:19 pm

I went on MRQE after watching this and was surprised to see so many positive reviews for this by-the-numbers, painfully trite and shallow telling of Francis Ouimet's U.S. Open victory in 1913, arguably one of the biggest upsets in sports history.

It could have made for stirring historical storytelling, but Bill Paxton makes sure every frame and every uttered line meets with Disney's standards of ensuring that nothing goes over the head of a six year old. Why a six year old would want to watch a movie about golf, particularly golf which took place over 85 years ago, I dunno.

To give you an idea, as a child (in the movie), Ouimet meets Harry Vardon -- the Tiger Woods of his era -- at an exhibition. Vardon invites Ouimet (a kid he's never met) to swing a club. Ouimet shanks it into the audience. Vardon slowly bends down and in an earthy voice full of gravitas intones, "only despair keeps a man from his destiny" or something equally ridiculous.

I felt dumber and dumber as the movie went on, as the whole movie is written like this, with each character spontaneously offering "sage" advice and moral sermonizing with every line.

As if this wasn't bad enough, they altered history to make the final match come down to the final putt, when in real life, the match had already been long decided before they ever got near the 18th green. The movie starts "This Is A True Story". As Tommy Lee Jones' character in No Country For Old Men wittily retorts when the veracity of his tale-telling is questioned, "Well, it's true that it's a story."

In summation, let's check the ol' tally on the Number Of Decent Golf Movies In Existence scoreboard:

0.

ONE AND A HALF STAR (*1/2)

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:29 pm

A Disney movie with a kid in it? Never heard of such a thing. Next I'll be hearing about animals that speak English...

THE
OUTRAGEOUS!
AARDVARK

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:32 pm

I fucking hate Disney movies. The last one I tried to watch was Cool Runnings. You're absolutely right: every scene was structured so a six year old could follow along. It was completely by the numbers, including the BIG SPEECH John Candy had to give. Never has a corporation provided so little while taking so much.

savvyraven · Post by **savvyraven** » Tue Aug 12, 2008 4:27 pm

What part of "Disney" do you guys not get?? Of course it's written for children, it's DISNEY! They have to make it so that children will like it and can follow it. We're not talking people that whack you in the head with a bowling pin, we're talking a kid's movie that kids will like, relate to, and parents can tolerate. Jeesh! When you rent a "Disney" movie you can expect a few things: Written in a simplistic style, a chubby boy that is sarcastic, moving yet cheesy speeches. If you don't like that, don't rent them.

It wasn't a bad film. I enjoyed it, overall, except for some of the choices Bill Paxton made in the golf ball special effects. I knew the kid in it, so it was good to see him get work. It's nice to see Shia before he went Hollywood. I thought it was exactly what it should have been: cute, non-offensive, and entertaining. Besides, if it was really about golf, no one would want to see it.

I bet all of you hated Newsies, too, huh? Douchebags.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Aug 12, 2008 4:50 pm

savvyraven wrote:What part of "Disney" do you guys not get?? Of course it's written for children, it's DISNEY! They have to make it so that children will like it and can follow it.

I ask again, why would ANY kid willingly go to a movie about the 1913 U.S. Open? Who is the audience for this? You of all people know how BORING golf is, and you're an ADULT. Can you imagine how boring golf is for a CHILD?

It's like making a kid's movie about Freudian psychoanalysis.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Tue Aug 12, 2008 5:40 pm

It's like making a kid's movie about Freudian psychoanalysis.

What made you think of that?

savvyraven · Post by **savvyraven** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:56 am

Hmmm, let's see....Disney likes historical, feel good movies about youth. There was history made about a youth with a young caddy to boot. Match made in movie magic Heaven. It's not about golf anyway. It's about children with dreams and achieving those dreams. Kids eat that shit up.

Where is your heart for the love of God?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:25 am

I, too, would like to introduce Ben to the miracle of Jesus Christ.

savvyraven · Post by **savvyraven** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:03 am

The Love of God AND Disney!

(although, I will admit that I believe they will thaw his head and he will take over the world, the nazi bastard..Disney, not Ben)

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:30 am

The BOOK on which the movie is based is about golf. I would have liked if the movie was also about golf.

Actually, I would like it if any movie in existence was both 1) about golf and 2) didn't totally SUCK ASS.

Baseball gets the Natural and Field of Dreams.

Golf gets CADDYSHACK and fucking BAGGER VANCE.

Cuz really, how could you possibly make something like THIS into an exciting, dramatic story?

savvyraven · Post by **savvyraven** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:59 am

Now that is a handsome Black man!

loafergirl · Post by **loafergirl** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:04 pm

Movie from the mid 90's "Kids" was done by Disney, and if anyone has seen this movie they should be aware of the graphic, very real, and depressing subject matter therein: IE kids in their early teens contracting HIV.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:09 pm

loafergirl wrote:Movie from the mid 90's "Kids" was done by Disney

Uhhh, no??!!!

[INFINITESIMAL REVIEW] The Greatest Game Ever Played

[INFINITESIMAL REVIEW] The Greatest Game Ever Played

Actually

Re: Actually