2007 Toronto Blue Jays regular season thread

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

My objection is a thread on a public forum which is so terribly narrowcasted that even the two people who actually read and participate in the thread are even starting to lose interest.

There exists the possibility that some other Jays fans might find this place. And maybe they think I am a jerk and that's fine. I can handle it. But maybe they look at some of the other Jays sites and they think, "I'd rather talk, or at least lurk, ... "

OK, I kind of ruined my sentence up there.

Let me start over: Maybe they think to themselves, "Hey, I'd rather talk baseball with these fellas." Or maybe fans of other teams drive by, call us pieces of shit, and drive off. Who knows. Right now there are two people talking about the Blue Jays. If, by the end of the year, there are three then I will consider this thread a raging success. A raging, purple, throbbing success. A raging, engorged, pulsating succsexx. It will be fantastic. Come one, come all.

Admit it. You're losing interest in this thread, even as you use the bellows to fan its flames.

The season just started - how can I be losing interest already? They are undefeated!

[pinback]

Baseball fans don't sit around and analyze shit like this. SPORTS GEEKS do that.

Baseball fans watch the games and cheer the teams and get on with their lives after the game is over.

This is not a Baseball Fan thread, it is a SPORTS GEEK thread, and I object to that as well.

I acknowledge that you are also baseball fans, but this thread belies that fact.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

If you can't hate the writer after reading this then I have no response. What a bunch of spoiled, self-entitled dribble. The same "jokes" over and over, all having to do with the fact that the Red Sox spent more money on their pitcher than the Royals have players the last two years. Absolutely sickening. I want to let it go, but every time the guy puts something on the Internet it is somehow smarmier and more smug than the last. I'd punch him in the face and I couldn't give a crap about the Royals.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Baseball fans don't sit around and analyze shit like this. SPORTS GEEKS do that.

Aw Christ are there some goddamn GEEKS on this BBS, I'll take fuckin' care of that

[gsdgsd]

It's kind of amazing. In just a few years, Simmons has gone from a well-respected writer of the "new media," groundbreaking, all that shit -- to perhaps the most despised sportswriter around. And it's well-deserved. That guy sucks in ways I didn't know it was possible to suck.

[Bugs]

I say good for him. He's got precisely five canned, basic jokes, and he does absolutely nothing to improve himself as a writer, all the while amassing legions of fans and a huge bank account. We should all be so lucky.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I will start a new thread rather than pollute this one further. I will, however, be whittling my own posting down to the same five jokes. I might as well present three of them to you all.

The first will be very handy and is essentially a take-off on the whole "xxx much?" phenomenon which is sort of an acid test for stupid, irritating people on the Internet. Let's say that one of you guys brought up a concept completely foreign to me. I might look bad if it gets out that I have no idea what you're talking about. We can't have that, so I'll exclusively use the following. Let's say you mentioned Value Over Replacement Player to me - VORP.

"Oh! Well... how would define the magic of VORP"

Perfect! I can't see any way where that won't benefit me greatly.

I'll steal the second one from Amiga Power. Any time someone says a word that ends in "ier" I'll make the same joke and do it so often it becomes retarded. In this case, a minor league baseball team.

"The Seattle is pretty rainy, but Tacoma is Rainier!"

Perfect. I'd have hit "submit" on this post twenty minutes ago, except for the fact that I have been punching myself in the nose.

Number three? I'm going to need to do an impression that causes a thin-lipped smile from people who know better, but gales of laughter from movie fans. We'll go with Morgan Freeman from Se7en. At any time in my posts I'll just go all, "There are seven deadly sins: PRAAAHHD" ... and people will be printing these out to go shit in the bathrooms at work.

Excelsior!

[Bugs]

Well, Ohka didn't look too good last night, but Thomas hit a grand slam.

If this team can score 8 runs every game, I think we'll do just fine.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Bases loaded, two outs, bottom of the 6th... and Halladay gets TB's batter to line out to Hill at second, but it was a pretty slick pick-up by Hill.

1) The Devil Rays will absolutely win the AL East for 3 straight years very soon. More if their owner keeps the kids around through their payday contracts.

2) I hate everything about this division. Even the "bad" teams are deadly. I'll be disappointed if the Rays don't have a winning record outside the AL East.

[Bugs]

Maybe it's just the low-res MLB.tv, but Reed Johnson looks surprisingly like Billy Koch out there. (shudder)

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Maybe it's just the low-res MLB.tv, but Reed Johnson looks surprisingly like Billy Koch out there. (shudder)

Speaking of Reed, there is this rabid TB fan on the Something Awful forum. (I seriously need to stop going there, because I hate every poster I encounter.)

He writes the following:

news: Reed Johnson flipped his bat and did the stupid Tiger Woods fist pump after hitting a homerun today in like the 5th inning

views: :rolleyes: fuck reed johnson, what a little bitch

HahahHAHAHAhaha. This guy can't believe that someone would DARE sully the atmosphere in the sacred Tropicana Park in this, their 10th year of existence. Scanning the rest of his posts, the guy is a little shitstain spaz, which makes it all the better.

Koch, correct me if I'm wrong, got cut and then bought a ticket to a Rays-Jays game. He proceded to loudly heckle the Jays in a loss. ("Loudly" because nobody ever goes to that stadium and by definition all attendees are loud.) If it was anyone else but Koch, who honestly believed he was the best closer in the big leagues, even though he could only throw one pitch with no movement, it would be hilarious.

[Bugs]

Jays are 4-2, averaging 7 runs per game.

Josh Towers on the hill tonight. Let's see what happens.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Six runs, three unearned? Thanks for the memories, Josh, I'd say it's been nice but not a single start has been. I demand Janssen get his next start.

[Bugs]

Thing is, there were a lot of defensive missteps. I say give him one more start, and then he's out on his ass.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Wasn't able to catch the game tonight until the 10th inning and it's tied 1-1. I, of course, forget that Toronto is at home, so when Smith and McDonald bunt safely with no outs (!!!) and Rios sacs in the winning run I can't at first understand why everyone is acting like the game is over.

And then I see Roy out there, happy as a pig in shit. This is because the man went TEN INNINGS to get the win.

The closest they are coming to me this year is Kansas City, for a four game series there. If I go for all four games I have an 80% chance of seeing him pitch. I don't want to live in a reality where I haven't seen the guy pitch in person any longer. And apparently I need a passport to see him pitch in Toronto, which is the equivalent of the on-line poker ban for baseball fans (utter, reactionary stupidity masquerading as something that's "protecting" us).

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Reed Johnson: gone indefinitely

Troy Glaus: day to day indefinitely

Brandon League: gone indefinitely

B.J. Ryan: meeting with Dr. James Andrews, who does a lot of Tommy John surgery. Yes, the pitcher probably comes back stronger than before, but he'll be done for the season.

On the other hand, Josh Towers pitched possibly his best game ever as a Blue Jay today. This is a guy who had an earned run average over 8.00 last year. (You are considered a horrible pitcher if your ERA is over 5.00.)

[bruce]

B.J. Ryan: meeting with Dr. James Andrews, who does a lot of Tommy John surgery.

As opposed to those guys who keep sending me email offering to do John Thomas surgery.

Bruce

[Bugs]

So, with Ryan it's supposedly just a sprained elbow, 4-6 weeks. Could be worse. He looked very glum sitting in the dugout last night.

Glaus on the 15-day, retroactive to whenever.

Reed needs surgery, won't be back until the Break at least.

However, the pitching stepped up and the Jays won two very close, low scoring games again Detroit and Boston Sunday and last night. Andrew Dice K looked impressive, but Gus Chacin looked even better. Who says we need to score 8 runs every night? Ryan still needs to be our closer, but damn if Frasor hasn't looked solid.

Seriously, these are the times that try a good team's soul. Every team fights injuries at some point in the year - it's how they cope that matters, and for the first time in a while, I don't feel this team needs to throw in the towel anytime soon.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Hey, nice to see Tomo Ohka put together a performance that allowed the rest of us, outside of Virginia, to hate the body of work put together by Asians this week. Towers gets three more starts because of the gem he pitched against the Tigers; anytime someone wants to explain to me why the new guy gets start after start with his 7.00 ERA I'm listening.

[Bugs]

The problem is Tim Wakefield. Dude always pitches well in SkyDome with the roof closed. I think they need to open the roof no matter the weather conditions and/or turn on some huge goddamn fans a la the Metrodome whenever Wakefield is pitching. No wind = Good knuckleball.