Guitar Hero II Review

[bruce]

There are really only two words that need to be said about Guitar Hero II, and they are:

FREE BIRD

Bruce

[bruce]

But, goddamn, even aside from Free Bird it's fun as hell and I haven't even tried Multiplayer yet because my friend Jason's wife wouldn't let him come over tonight.

In addition to Free Bird, it's got TROGDOR. And it's got new characters, such as my new favorite, Lars Ümlaüt. Who is a fat Scandanavian Death Metal Dude whose leather corset totally fails to hide the fact that he's really fat.

And, shit, I never knew that I liked Cheap Trick's "Surrender". I did know, guiltily, that I liked "Strutter" and, yes, forgive me God, "Sweet Child O' Mine."

But, well, Amy was apparently watching me rock out (I will not say whether my cock was out) to "Free Bird" for like six minutes. I never even knew she was there until I wiped the sweat from my brow after staggering through the song and turned around.

I give this game eleven. Because this one goes to eleven.

Bruce

[AArdvark]

This is like a handheld DDR pad, right? My kid's friend says Freebird was hard as hell after the 5 minute mark, which would be the solo part if I'm not mistaken. I hope this leads more people to go out and actually learn how to play the real thing. With the callouses on the fingers and scales and picking techniques.


THE
PRACTICE
AARDVARK

[Vitriola]

I do not own Guitar Hero II, but Robb did walk in on me tonight banging my head to E-40 (hip-hop).

(Damn good Hip-hop.)

[bruce]

This is like a handheld DDR pad, right? My kid's friend says Freebird was hard as hell after the 5 minute mark, which would be the solo part if I'm not mistaken. I hope this leads more people to go out and actually learn how to play the real thing. With the callouses on the fingers and scales and picking techniques.

Dude, learning how to really play the guitar would be too much like hard work.

And, yeah: the first five minutes of Free Bird are mellow, slow, easy. And then just as your hand is starting to get a little tired anyway, because it's been a pretty long song...then the solos come, and they keep coming for the next seven minutes.

As the Drive-By Truckers point out: "It's a very long song."

Bruce

[bruce]

The other thing: Free Bird is the last song, after you've played all four of the other hard songs at Stonehenge, which is the last venue. After you finish a venue's listed songs, the game asks you if you're up for an encore, and then it lets you play a new song.

Well, at the end of Stonehenge, the camera pans back over the crowd, which is clapping and cheering, and you hear some guy yell "Free Bird!"

And then you get the Encore question.

And then it says--shades of Hitchhiker's Guide--"are you really sure you want to play Free Bird?"

"Really?"

"Only a guitar god can play Free Bird. Are you sure you're up for it?"

"Well, OK, if you insist. What you want in Practice Mode is 'gtr solo 1.'"

Bruce

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I actually fear this game. I fear it. It's one of those you play right through, isn't it, and get nothing accomplished until the last level is complete.

Been a looooooong time since I've played a game like that. Where you are just compelled to keep playing because it scratches an itch.

Last one for me personally like that was Freedom Force. Didn't do anything else till I finished it.

I'm certain there is a Guitar Hero II in my future.

[Vitriola]

This is why I will NOT play this game. I work for an animal shelter. I gave up my dreams of being Rock Bitch a long time ago. I do not want to revisit that yearning.

[Lysander]

Coughcough. No, I will not be buying this game. Because I'm too busy dropping money on real equipment. I mean, I know it's only fifty dollars and whooaaaaa rockstaarrr~!1! but it's just enough like the real thing to make me want it and not enough like the real thing to actually feel like i'm doing anything productive.

[Worm]

I'm gonna just give it a roll to keep current with this rhythm shit.

[Jack Straw]

EB in the mall had one set up. Not sure if this is indicative of other EB's, but it's a shot for someone who doesn't want to dump a fairly large sum of $$ for a controller that can only be used with 2 games.

Says the guy who bought not one but TWO gamecube bongo controllers. Christ! (no, not christ - me.)

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

You know Nike used to run stupid, stupid, insipid ads where aliens were attacking and it was up to our Sports Stars (c) like Derek Jeter and Peyton Manning to throw baseballs and footballs at them until the aliens went away? Yes, it was the dumbest thing ever, like most Nike ads.

Anyway, since the guitar from Guitar Hero has reached a certain level of market penetration, I wonder if it is legal to make a game that uses that controller. Only the company making the game does not pack in that controller. No, this is not some brainwave I had, but rather: we're all fairly certain, now, that it's illegal to make unauthorized games for a console. You have to pay Nintendo, Sony and Microsoft $10 a game (last I knew). Would you have to pay MTV a fee if you made a game that used the guitar in Guitar Hero? I wonder what the legalities of that are.

Oh, and the way it relates back to the first paragraph is that someone could make a game where you are not playing guitar, but instead killing aliens with a guitar-like controller. Becuse obviously if you came out with a guitar-playing game and called it "Guitar Hero 3" that would not be good behavior.

[Lysander]

I assume you mean you would still have to pay Sony 10 bucks or whatever a game because it's still on the same concole. That said, if you do include the controler, I would think that you would just pass that expense onto the customers, and if you didn't include the guitar then I don't see why Harmony should get any more money since they haven't actually done anything. In case you didn't konw, it is possible to play Guitar Hero on a regular controller--it just doesn't make any sense. The fret buttons correspond with the shoulder buttons and X, the wammy bar corresponds with the analogue stick, etc. (Analogue stick? Come on, we're in the digital age now. Why don't we have digital sticks yet, maan?)

[AArdvark]

Can a person use the controller to play other games on the console? I would feel better if someone could use that to play GTA or something. Is there an Xbox version?


THE
WANNA KNOW
AARDVARK