From the mailbag!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 12:25 pm

Reader Souffix from Laser Beach writes:

"ICJ, have the Saints ever had a rival?"

The answer is: of course not. The worst team in the history of sports with the worst owner in the history of business doesn't get such things. They've never played for their division for a string of years and the division they used to be in (the NFC West) got skewered when it came time to re-align.

However, most Saints fans will tell you they hate the Falcons or Niners.

I hate the Niners most of all. Here's another example why. The Niners are getting beat by some truly terrible teams and have NO GOOD PLAYERS. That doesn't stop noted hack Ray Ratto (who looooOOOoOOooves the 49ers) from saying there's tons of teams the 49ers are better than.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c ... G6E0Q1.DTL

Anyway, if you read that (and I'm not suggesting it -- he's truly an awful writer) you'll see why this team is as bad as it is. Karma.

Bugs · Post by **Bugs** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 8:23 pm

What sport do the Saints play?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:27 pm

Anything but football.

BABAHAHAhahahahabvAVavujbfdsjkfddf

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 11:39 pm

Bugs wrote:What sport do the Saints play?

Someone who doesn't even like football is dead in my eyes. I don't consider you a real person.

Additionally...

I was watching some execution videos on some nameless video portal a couple years ago. It was one of those websites that cycle through all their video if you don't intervene.

After gruesome slayings ("ALACK ALLAH ALACK ALLAH") one came up in the not-selected-by-me-queue called "The Super Bowl is Gay."

A 300 pound 12 year old was strumming a ukulele crying, "DUH SUPER BOWL IS GAY... DUH SUPER BOWL IS GAY..." I then shut down my browser.

It stuck with me because it was one of the dumbest fucking things I've ever seen. Ha ha, Internet e-tard thinks sports is dumb! Ha ha, let's put it on the Internet and make fun of the mentally handicapped! Haaaaaa! It really poisons my respect for the rest of you.

Anyway, I found out two days ago that the stupid maggot singing in that very piece of non-content HAS A TELEVISION SHOW.

Well done, Rest of You. You people reward stupidity and nonsense and are proud of it. I bet the chubby mope's show will be the #1 rated show in its slot, too.

"All of you sicken me," I am likely to say. Luckily, I run the last sane place on the net... hey... what's this, now? A new post?

What's it say?

Bugs wrote:What sport do the Saints play?

...

Way to go. Make this guy famous next, why don't you.

Bugs · Post by **Bugs** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 9:55 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: football is dead in my eyes

Yeah, mine too.

Is that the football with the panda ball or the pointy ball?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:05 am

Bugs wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: football is dead in my eyes
Yeah, mine too.

Is that the football with the panda ball or the pointy ball?

Both suck. In pandaball they kill the refs and in pointy ball I wish they would.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 11:06 am

I found out two days ago that the stupid maggot singing in that very piece of non-content HAS A TELEVISION SHOW.

Just goes to show you that people will watch ANYTHING if it's on TV. Look at survivor, look at..that dumb sitcom, the one with the stupid people. I don't even know the name if it.

Where do the Saints play now that their home field has been turned into open door mission south?

THE
SCUBA GEAR
AND A GOLD JERSEY
AARDVARK

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 12:58 pm

AArdvark wrote:Where do the Saints play now that their home field has been turned into open door mission south?

They play in the Alamodome in San Antonio, Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge and most unfortunately of all, my television set each week. :(

Here's a quick Saints FAQ:

Q: Omigod, 3-9?!?! How are you managing?
A: This is NOTHING. I've done more 3-13 and 6-10 seasons than women you've jerked off to, Q.

Q: Hey... that hurts! But why is this season not so bad?
A: You jerk off to --

Q: Focus! Why is this season not so bad?
A: Because there IS talent on the team. At the end of the Ditka years there simply wasn't. Put it this way... DE Will Smith, WR Joe Horn, RB Deuce McAllister, DE Charles Grant, OG LeCharles Bentley, WR Donte' Stallworth, WR Devery Henderson, CB Mike McKenzie, S Josh Bullocks and S Dwight Smith are all more talented than the best guy on the 1999 Saints.

Q: Doesn't that include Ricky Williams? Wasn't he on the '99 Saints?
A: Yes.

Q: ...
A: ...

Q: Oh?
A: Yeah.

Knuckles the CLown · Post by **Knuckles the CLown** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 7:11 pm

I'd hop in but we could just have this conversation on the phone, and since nobody else knows anything about football, well, why have it here??

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 7:21 pm

Please know that while I think this is the worst season of football ever, I do hope your team wins it all and if they do so it will neither be tainted by the conditions, nor reverse how horrible this season has been.

Hey... fumblin' JOE HORN! Way to go, Joe! I can't stand Monday Night Football. I've never seen them win a MNF game.

I have a theory. Every JACKASS that can't simply state their fucking name and college is doomed to play like shit on Monday Night. Horn really couldn't simply say, "Jor Horn, Itawamba Community College"? It's really that tough for him? I'm thrilled that Donte' Stallworth and our fullback couldn't follow simple directions, either.

What a bunch of losers. Go Seahawks, then.

MasterGrazzt · Post by **MasterGrazzt** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 8:20 pm

If the Saints came to Canada, how badly would they lose the Grey Cup?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 9:54 pm

I think they would instantly be the best team in the history of the CFL. But don't get me wrong, I'd do a roster swap with any of the teams in a heartbeat.

They just started talking about crooners on Monday Night Football. They are desperate for something to say and it's still technically a game. Jesus Christ.

I wish they did broadcast the CFL down here. I do recall seeing the occassional game on an obscure network, but there's absolutely no reason why one of our many horrible sports stations couldn't at least broadcast the Grey Cup.

Brooks just got sacked by a guy who ran up the middle of our offensive line completely untouched. I wish we had orange pylons there instead on passing plays.

...

... FUCKING SAFETY! JESUS CHRIST! PUT ME IN THE GAME COACH I CAN BLOCK!!!

Fucking home job.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:11 pm

John Madden spilled a glob of mustard on his tie. Jesus Christ, he couldn't eat before the game? He just did a segment on his mustardy tie.

This is the worst season in the history of the NFL. Products better than the NFL (not in order:

1) NHL
2) NBA
3) MLB
4) Arena League Football
5) CFL
6) Pandaball
7) Golf
8) Frisbee Golf
9) Ultimate Frisbee
10) Reading a copy of "The Ultimates"
11) Reading

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:28 pm

I KNOW you'd rather watch the WPGA than read. Or is adding the 4th letter the same thing to you?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:46 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:John Madden spilled a glob of mustard on his tie. Jesus Christ, he couldn't eat before the game? He just did a segment on his mustardy tie.

This is the worst season in the history of the NFL. Products better than the NFL (not in order:

1) NHL
2) NBA
3) MLB
4) Arena League Football
5) CFL
6) Pandaball
7) Golf
8) Frisbee Golf
9) Ultimate Frisbee
10) Reading a copy of "The Ultimates"
11) Reading

":(" - NASCAR.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:46 pm

Vitriola wrote:I KNOW you'd rather watch the WPGA than read. Or is adding the 4th letter the same thing to you?

It's actually the LPGA. They're LADIES, Dayna.

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 12:12 pm

I assumed it stood for 'weak' :(