Open with front view of church. A priest followed by four pallbearers (carrying a casket) comes out of the front doors. They walk out onto a dirt road and turn to their right. Cut to them walking down a trail, surrounded by trees. It leads to a meadow. Cut to three bandits pacing suspiciously through an earlier patch of the same woods, looking for their next victims. Cut back to the funeral boys. They hear the bandits approaching and turn. Shots fire. The priest and one pallbearer lie mortally wounded. The other three fight it out with the bandits for a bit, but are ultimately slain. The bandits begin to take whatever they can from their victims; rings, watches, jackets, shoes, etc. They notice a glimmer from within the cheap wooden coffin, which is now somewhat broken open from its fall to the ground. They break open the top and notice a beautiful and obviously sentimental charm around the neck of the body. One of the wounded bandits leans over and snatches it, but as he does, some powder from his now torn coat spills a little on the body. They get startled by some noise (incidentally, just a deer or two) and run into the distance, opposite the way they came. The shot stays on the bodies in the meadow with a clear view of the sky. Time speeds up and we see it go from day to night. Clouds gather. It begins to rain. Lightning flickers in the distance, then thunder claps. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the coffin. An explosion! Close-up of the eyes of the body inside reveals that he is reborn! Those cold dead eyes open and we have ourselves a zombie movie!Jolt Country!
Here's Mitchell's story outline. I haven't made any changes, but I essentially want less characters and more jokes. That'll make this thing filled with less shitty actors and more funny.
The zombie wakes. Exhausted, confused, in great pain, and lonely. He sits up in his coffin and looks around, bewildered. He remembers how he got there in the first place and unbuttons his shirt to reveal a great gaping hole in his chest, one that one might receive from a self-inflicted shotgun blast. So let’s say, for now, that he has no heart. Because he blew it out. He realizes that the charm from around his neck is missing and looks around at the corpses and puts two and two together and figures it’s been stolen. This makes him even sadder. The zombie is then overcome with a sudden hunger. It overwhelms him. He must feed! Slowly standing up out of the coffin, he staggers over to the body of the priest and takes a few bites out of his head. Brains! It’s not enough though. He must feed more, and more yet! Cut to him eating the brains of a pallbearer. Then cut to another. Then another. Then another. The zombie feels terrible for doing what he has done. He can’t deal with it, so he leaves.
He walks and walks and walks. Out of the woods. Into the streets. He’s startled and disgusted with himself and this new curse of a life that he has been given. The only way out, he figures, is to do what he did in the first place: kill himself. So as he walks down the street, he jumps in front of the biggest truck that he can find. And though it hurls his body across the road, he gets up. Bruised and beaten, this body won’t lie still. The zombie walks in search of some refuge. Just somewhere to hide away from everybody. He finds a place. An abandoned house. The zombie figures he will just stay in the cellar and starve himself to death, or whatever it is that awaits him. The front door is all locked and boarded up, so he walks around to the back door, opens it, and the scene cuts to a car door opening.
It is the next day. Five teenagers, two guys and three girls, are loading their car with all of the overnight stuff a party-time group of kids could want. They are all outside of this mom and pop convenience store except for one. Cut to int. of the store. One of the boys is making some final purchases (chips, condoms, liquor). The familiar-looking man behind the counter asks for his ID. He shows it. A fake, but the clerk buys it because, well, he needs the business. The boy notices a charmed necklace hanging behind the clerk. He points to it and asks how much it is. The clerk shakes his head and replies that it’s not for sale. The boy gives him the “come on, man” face and hands him a wad of twenties. The clerk quickly changes his mind about his attachment to the necklace and politely sells it to the boy.
Cut to ext. of the shop. The boy walks out and secretly places the necklace that he just purchased into a small, white box. Then slides that box into his coat pocket, all the while making sure that none of his party catch sight of it. They load up the last of their previsions, pile in the car, and speed off.
Cut to the zombie. It’s nighttime now. Subtle and quiet, he sits in this damp, dark cellar, hating himself more and more. A light beam rolls across his face from a small corner window. He shields his eyes and carefully makes his way over to see what it was. Five teenagers can be seen through the window, parking their car underneath a large oak tree (as to not be seen), grabbing bags of god-knows-what, and sneaking towards the front door of the house that houses the zombie! A great thud is heard overhead, then a crack. The door opens. The zombie hears footsteps above him and tries to follow their movements with his eyes. He senses them getting close to the door that leads to his cellar, so he hides under the stairs for a minute until the coast is clear. Now the zombie is torn. All he wanted was to stay hidden away from humans, but they’ve managed to find him. His hunger is growing stronger, and his will power weaker.
Cut to the kids drinking and dancing. The relationships are apparent. There’s the couple (that takes care of one guy and one girl), there’s the stupid drunk girl who is trying so desperately and pathetically to steal the attention of the other guy away from the final girl, who is quiet and uninterested. You can tell that she’s just been dragged along by her friend, the girl with the boyfriend.
Cut back to the zombie, frustrated and pacing. He notices a small hole in the door that looks out into the living room. Peering through it, he sees the single boy pull a box out of his coat pocket and hand it to the quiet girl. She opens it and is awestruck by the beauty of the necklace inside. She politely humors the boy and lets him fasten it around her neck. He invites her to a dance, and she accepts. The private party is now in full swing. However, the zombie is devastated. His eyes are wide as he falls backwards in sheer disbelief. The topple down the stairs makes a great racket. Realizing the mistake that he made, the zombie hurries back to his hiding place under the stairs, halfway there, though, he notices that his left hand was severed mid-fall. He sees his hand, still gripping the railing of the stairs, so he dashes like a madman to get to it before the kids open the door and discover him. Not quick enough, though. As soon as he pries the cold fingers away and hurriedly and sloppily reattaches the hand in place, the kids turn the handle. An explosion of light pours onto the zombie, revealing for the first time just how hideous he truly is. Silhouettes appear over the light and gasps and screams can be heard.
The scene pauses on a terrified zombie, then cuts to the happiest damn song you’ll ever hear being played over the party, still in full swing, but with one extra member. The zombie!
In a fit of excitement, the drunk girl steals the zombie away from the party. She drags him into a vacant bedroom and slams the door behind them. Nobody else seems to notice or care, for they are having a good time. So back to drunk girl and zombie. She’s drunk and stupid and he’s timid and confused. Her hands run up his shirt and start unbuttoning it. As she does this, the zombie gets angstier and angstier. Then his hunger comes back. It quickly overwhelms him. He tries to fight it, but that poor drunk girls brains look so delicious. She gets down to like the fourth button and notices that gaping hole in the zombie’s chest. She starts to scream and flip out and run out of the room, but in the private hysteria, the zombie attacks. He grabs her and sinks his teeth in. Cut back to the party. The girl of the already established couple is slowly passing out on a sofa, the eager guy and quiet girl are still dancing and wrapped up in each other’s attention, but the other guy (the guy who’s with the girl on the sofa) heard the scream. He looks around to see if anybody else did and perhaps find another party member to join him in his investigation, but no one seems to have noticed. He takes it upon himself to enter the room alone.
From inside the bedroom, the door opens. The guy steps in, looking around with great caution and determination. As he notices the girl’s body on the floor, the door behind him is already closing. The zombie appears from behind it, slams it shut, and attacks the young man. He feeds on him and begins hating himself even more this time. These people invited him in, showed him a good time, and this is how he repays them?! By eating their brains out, one by one?! He gets sick to his stomach and collapses on the floor. A noise from the party room! He leaps to his feet in a panic. He must do something with the bodies! Noticing a walk-in closet, he quickly and nervously picks up the carcass of the girl and stuffs her in and closes the door. As for the dead fellow, well he’s too heavy for the zombie to lift, so he kicks and pushes the body until it’s well and hidden under the bed. The noise is now a heavy knock at the door. The zombie opens it as little as he can and slides out from the darkness. He has an extremely guilty air about him, but tries to play it off like everything’s fine. Standing before him is the girlfriend of the now-deceased boyfriend. She’s still very drunk and now half-asleep, but she manages to convey her sternness, anger, and concern. She tries to peek over the zombie’s shoulder and into the room, but he is quick to block her view as he shuts the door behind him. He gives the notion that that room shouldn’t be disturbed and the people inside are merely sleeping. Well, this girl doesn’t buy it for a second. She won’t have any of this business. Her man two-timing her with her deceptive “friend.” She throws the zombie out of the way and barges in the room. The zombie scrambles to get inside and closes the door behind him.
The girl looks puzzled. She sees neither her boyfriend nor drunk girl anywhere. She gives the zombie the “what’s the big idea?!” attitude. In a desperate attempt to give her an answer, the zombie points to an unlatched window on the far side of the room. The girl stumbles over to it (very pissed off-like) and throws it open. She squints to see out into the darkness. The zombie appears behind her. His hunger has returned. As he is about to plunge his teeth into her brains, she spins around, points to the car, yells in frustration (this scares the zombie into backing off), and storms out.
The front door opens. Falling all over herself, the girl makes her way down the porch stairs and to her left, where the car is parked. The zombie watches her disappear under the shadow of that great oak tree. He knows that once she comes up empty-handed, she’s going to start suspecting him of some sort of foul play. This fear of being caught mixed with his already uncontrollable hunger leads him out of the window and towards the car.
Cut to the girl opening the back door of the car. She yells a name and reaches inside. Feeling nothing, she collapses onto the backseat. She makes an attempt to get up, but her arms become flaccid and she falls back down, face first, into the seat. The zombie appears outside, at her feet. Slowly turning around, she sees the ravenous look in his eyes. This sobers her up a bit. She realizes his intentions (or thinks she does) and scrambles to leave the car opposite the door she came in. She opens the door and begins to climb out, but the zombie grabs her right ankle and takes a bite. She screams in pain, flails a bit, then kicks him in the face with her left foot. The zombie is stunned. He backs up a few steps and shakes the blow off as the girl finishes squirming out of the car headfirst. Getting to her feet, she starts dashing for the house but is stopped short by her damaged ankle. She falls to the ground but quickly gets up and (with great grit) limps towards the house. By now, the zombie has regained stability and notices her intentions. He cuts her off. She screams into the house. Cut to int. of house. The two left are beginning to get intimate, plus the music is far too loud to hear anything. Cut back to ext. of house. The zombie begins to approach and the girl sees little recourse but to run. She hobbles to her left and into the night. The zombie follows close behind. The chase is on!
The girl staggers down the street, screaming for help, and taking as many turns as she can in efforts to lose the trail of the hungry zombie. No use, though. She reaches a dead end, and the zombie is following relentlessly and absolutely consumed by his hunger and frustration. The girl spots a narrow trail branching off where the road ends. She heads down it.
The girl doesn’t make it too far into the woods before she trips on an uprooted root, thus twisting her left ankle. Her feet have failed her. All that she can do now is crawl. Fully aware now of her impending death, she loses it. Tears are pouring down her face and it clinches up as she struggles with all of her might to pull herself another inch further. She’s bawling as she hears the zombie draw closer and closer. At this point, she gives up. The zombie is standing over her. She rests her chin in the dirt and cries her final tears as the zombie kneels down and bites into her brains.
Cut back to int. of the house. The desperate guy is pulling out all the stops to get the timid girl to go into the bedroom with him. She looks around and asks him about the others, but he sees it as her trying to change the subject. So he keeps at it, ignoring the fact that everybody else is absent and that this girl actually gives a damn. She finally accepts his offer (but not without hesitation), and they begin staggering to the bedroom, in the drunken state that they’re in.
The girl wants to stall as long as she can until hopefully another party member returns and distracts him from her. So she tells the guy that she has to go to the bathroom. The guy seems annoyed but lets go of her hand. She hurries to the bathroom and shuts the door and locks it behind her. Her back to the door now, she slinks down until she’s sitting on the tiled for. Arms wrapped around legs bent at knees supporting chin.
Cut to the bedroom. The guy sits on the bed with great anticipation and little patience. He rocks back and forth, tries on different positions to be in upon the girls return, checks the smell of his breath with the palm of his hand, etc. etc. typical nervous preparation techniques. At one point, he casually swings his foot. As it falls back towards the bed, it hits something. The guy lays down on the floor with his head cocked to the side (as to further investigate). It’s the boyfriend’s arm! It’s the boyfriend! His brains are eaten out! Upon seeing this, the guy gasps in shock and quickly scoots away from the body, towards the door. As he is backing up, he is stopped by two standing legs. He slowly and shakily turns around and looks up. The legs belong to none other than The Zombie! From the guy’s point of view, the zombie lunges in and the screen goes black.
Cut to the girl in the bathroom. With a sigh of regret, she opens the door and walks out. As she steps into the room adjacent with the bedroom, she notices the zombie in the doorway. Finally, somebody to put some distance between her and that desperate guy. She walks up to the zombie with a relieved look on her face. As more of the room comes into her periphery, she sees more of what’s going on. She becomes distressed and picks up her pace and bursts into the room. The zombie becomes startled. He hasn’t had time to hide the body of his latest victim, so the girl sees everything. The brains all eaten and all. She doesn’t become scared and try to run away. Instead, she gets angry. She pushes the zombie, yelling at him, demanding to know where her other friends are. She looks around the room and notices the arm of the boyfriend that the other guy tapped with his foot. She pulls his carcass half-way out from under the bed and sits down between both boys, sobbing with great intensity. She turns and looks at the zombie (who is curled up in the corner, feeling so guilty and terrible for what he has done) and screams at him, demanding to know where the girls are. He doesn’t respond. He just keeps beating himself up. The girl tears the room apart. She rips the curtains off the wall, tears the sheets off the bed, and finally makes her way to the closet. She opens the door and the corpse of her best friend falls on her face. She screams and cries and breaks down on the floor, clutching the head (or what’s left of it) of her friend. The angriest face you’ll ever see comes across her. Then she bolts across the room as the zombie is trying to leave.
Cut to the party room. The zombie flies forward as the girl pushes/punches him with all her might. He catches himself and turns to her, crying his eyes out. She runs over to him and starts hitting his chest. The blows are soft, though, as she is overwhelmed with grief. The zombie grabs her shoulders and holds her back. He wipes off some of the tears as he notices her necklace. A quick flash between the present girl and the zombie’s old girlfriend (from his days of living) occurs from the perspective of the zombie. The two girls are strikingly similar. The zombie’s eyes begin to swell even more as he embraces the young girl. At first she is still angry and continues to hit him, but the she falls apart and embraces him as well. So they’re both hugging and crying. They pull back and look at each other with great intensity and love. They begin to fall into a kiss. As their lips get about 3 or so inches from each other, the zombie swiftly changes direction and snaps with quick quickness at her brains.
Cut to black.
Roll credits.
