[Review] Big Fish

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"Ohhh, it's all so ironic..." - Jared Leto, _Panic Room_

To: Tim Burton Enterprises, et al.
From: Ben Parrish Collection Agency

Dear Sirs,

Our records show us that you owe our firm and client Ben Parrish (Ben Parrish Enterprises) the total sum of around two hours of his life back.

If you do not remit these hours immediately, we will be forced to begin legal proceedings.

Thank you for your cooperation. And don't do that again.

Two stars. What a load of horseshit. I just wish I could give it a worse rating, but I can't, because it's done pretty well.

--- (BONUS SPOILER ADDENDUM WAY BELOW) ---





















My father always told me that were he to be stricken by a terminal disease, he would hold a party one night, invite everyone he loved over, have once last happy time with them, and then kill himself.

In actuality, he did get stricken by said disease, but explained to all of us, by way of his "death letters" he wrote for everyone before he croaked, that he decided not to do it, because it would be too depressing for everyone involved.

The fact that Big Fish actually portrays my man's original plan at the end of the film is not to its credit (and is borderline plagiarism, if you ask me), but is nonetheless interesting, for any of you who knew the original plan (which you now do), and/or received one of the "death letters" (which, didn't I post that here at some point?)

[Debaser]

Two stars. What a load of horseshit. I just wish I could give it a worse rating, but I can't, because it's done pretty well.

Er... if "it's done pretty well", what didn't you like? Too sentimental?

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By "well done", I mean, produced well, acted (relatively) well, looked pretty most of the time. Technically adept. However:

1. Very childishly written. "I don't believe him!" "Oh, but don't you see he's just trying to... I dunno, do something meaningful!?" "No, it's all bullshit... except... WAIT!"

2. As in American Splendor: Who gives a crap? Old dude tells exaggerated stories of his life. WOW! And the stories weren't even that interesting. "I joined a circus! But the guy was a werewolf! And then the siamese twins! And the car in the tree!" Yeah, and? You're full of SHIT, old man, and we're tired of listening to your stupid stories. If the kid wasn't so insipidly written, I'd be behind him all the way. SHUT UP AND DIE, you lying, miserable old coot.

[Debaser]

I'll admit, the movie wasn't entirely effective in communicating whatever point it was trying to communicate, and most of the characters didn't have a whole lot going for them. I think basically Burton's one of those guys for whom real life just isn't especially interesting, and so's the old dying dude. I guess it's just a question of whether or not you've felt the same way at any point in your life.

As an exercise in mood, I thought Timmy did his usual bang-up job. I also enjoyed the movie on what I like to call the "tactical" level. I appreciated the way the setting maintained and reflected the father's ambiguity without ever solidly calling bullshit or not. I liked the way it kept calling up old plot-threads after you figured they'd been dropped; it lent everything the sort of piecemeal coherence one would imagine coming from a bunch of stories some guy is just making up as he goes along.

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Yeah, well, a good lying, obnoxious piece of crap is still a lying, obnoxious piece of crap.

How many stars do you give Big Fish, Debaser?

(And, would not "Big Fish Debaser" be an excellent name for a band?)

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

How many stars do you give Big Fish, Debaser?

Out of 5 or out of 4? Most people do movies out of 4. You do them out of 5 and do not tell anyone until you see a 5 star movie and so forth.

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Still with this? Look, man, Fallacy of Dawn was a fine, fine game. Just relax. Okay, will this make you feel better? I'm now changing it to a THREE STAR scale, so now FoD is a HALF STAR BETTER THAN THE BEST THING EVER!!!!!!

Goddamn.

[Debaser]

*********3/5 out of ************9/10