Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

[AArdvark]

Eberyone was waiting for this

[Tdarcos]

IIn response to this:

At least it wasn't called "McVulva's."

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[Tdarcos]

"We've all left our husbands or boyfriends for various reasons, so we have to do the work here. I'd like to begin this house meeting with a division of labor. Okay, Mary, let's see, you can do the inside cleaning and Jane can do the cooking."
"I never cooked. We had a cleaning woman to come in to do that."
"Okay, then, you can do the cooking and Jane can do the cleaning."
"I never cooked, we had a woman come in to do that.""
"Well, what on earth are you good for? Sucking cock? Or did you have a woman come in to do that, too?"

[Tdarcos]

A woman hears a knock on her door. She goes to the door and looks out the peephole, only it's a man she doesn't recognize. Figuring it's a friend of her husband, she answers the door. She looks at him, and says, "Can I help you?"
He says, "Excuse me, but do you have a va-jay-jay?"
Insulted at the rude comment, she slams the door in his face. About two hours later, there is another knock at the door. Same man. She opens the door and says, "What do you want?
Again, he says, "Excuse me, but do you have a va-jay-jay?"
Again she slams the door in his face. When her husband gets home, she tells him about this, and he says, "If he comes back, I'll hide behind the door. We'll find out why he's asking."
Sure enough, there is a knock at the door. Her husband gets up and hides behind the door. She looks through the peephole and again, it's him. She opens the door, and says, "Well, what do you want this time?"
For the third time, he says, "Excuse me, but do you have a va-jay-jay?"
As husband told her, she says, "Yes, I do."
The man responds, "Then could you please tell your husband to stop using my wife's and use yours instead?"

[Tdarcos]

Harrison Ford told this one:

A man is stocking shelves in a grocery store, when this woman comes up to him and asks, "Excuse me, I can't find any broccoli, can you tell me where it is?"
He says, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're out of broccoli. We're getting a shipment tomorrow."
The woman walks away, but comes back a few minutes later. "Excuse me, where is the broccoli, I can't find it."
"We're out. There will be another truck delivering some tomorrow morning." She leaves. Not more than three minutes later, she asks,"Where is the brocolli?"
"We sold out. We have another shipment tomorrow." Again she leaves.
A few minutes later, she comes back saying, "Where is the broccoli?"
"Let me try to tell you. First, how do you spell 'dog' in 'dogmatic'?"
"D-o-g."
"Now, how do you spell 'cat' in 'catostrophe'?"
"C-a-t."
"Now, how do you spell 'fuck'' in 'broccoli'?"
"There is no 'fuck' in 'broccoli'."
"Exactly!"

[pinback]

Harrison Ford told this one:

[citation needed]

[pinback]

Here's a different version of the same joke. Not saying better! Just different.

[Tdarcos]

Harrison Ford told this one:

[citation needed]

[Tdarcos]

Little Red Riding Hood is walking in the forest, and comes upon a wolf. The wolf smiles and says, "What do we have here?" before attempting to grab her. She pulls out a handgun and points it at him. He stops, and says, 'Please don't kill me, I'll never bother you again."
She says, "Oh no, you don't get away that easy." She drops her panties, hikes up her skirt, then says, "You're going to eat me, just like in the story,"

[AArdvark]

I don't like that one.