Woody Woodpecker (2017)

[Flack]

Woody Woodpecker is one of those films where a classic cartoon character has been brought back in CGI form to interact with human beings in the real world. The plot is so generic and terrible that it really doesn't need or deserve reviewing. In the film, a property developer attempts to build a large, gaudy home in the middle of the woods, and Woody Woodpecker does everything within his power to drive them away. Eventually a couple "hitmen" (who make the Wet Bandits look like geniuses) are hired to dispose of Woody, but to call them dumb is punching down as, like everybody else in this film, they are fucking dumb and act like idiots. For the record, the poachers' plan is to have Woody stuffed, auction him for a million dollars, and then flee to Canada before the sheriff can detain them. This movie was made by and for morons.

Perhaps the silliest thing about this movie is that the entire thing could have been avoided with a BB gun. When I was 10 years old I went to visit my cousin who lived in the country. Shooting squirrels and birds isn't that hard, and the ones we plugged hadn't burned down a $5 million investment property. I'm not saying I'm for shooting birds, I'm just saying... I'm just saying.

There is not a member of this forum who couldn't come up with a more interesting or entertaining film in thirty minutes.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

There is not a member of this forum who couldn't come up with a more interesting or entertaining film in thirty minutes.

Right. I went on Wikipedia to refresh my memory and found this:

Woody's wild days were numbered, however. In 1946, Lantz hired Disney veteran Dick Lundy to direct Woody's cartoons. Lundy rejected Culhane's take on the series and made Woody more defensive; the bird no longer went insane without a legitimate reason.

Luckily, as I am not a part of SAG, I can write during these difficult times.

The most iconic thing about Woody is his laugh, so I would propose to you an animated horror movie where Woody DOES go insane without legitimate reasons and the other cartoon animals who are the protagonists live in constant fear of this lunatic, with the big payoff scene coming when they are all trying to hide and the trademark Woody laugh gets louder and closer and louder and closer. Before he tears them all to bits.

[Flack]

Wait, I forgot one thing that was really witty.

In a nod to Walter Lantz, the main character's name is Lance Walters.

ha ha ha. hilarious.

[AArdvark]

If this movie featured an unknown main character would it have even been made?


THE
RANDALL THE BLUEJAY
AARDVARK

[RealNC]

Perhaps the silliest thing about this movie is that the entire thing could have been avoided with a BB gun.

By shooting whoever approved this movie in the balls.

[Flack]

If this movie featured an unknown main character would it have even been made?

Absolutely not. And the funny thing is, it could have literally been any vintage cartoon character. Like, take Woody Woodpecker out of it and put Yogi the Bear in. Yogi could be mad that people are building a house in the woods, too. Swap out Woody pecking on trees with Yogi stealing picnic baskets and, boom, new movie. In this movie, Woody plays the drums, loves peanut butter, and says he's never had a friend... like, where did all that come from? None of that is from the cartoons! They just wrote a lazy ass story and plucked a character that was cheap to use (I can't imagine the rights to Woody Woodpecker and sky high) and make a dumb movie.