[Living Document] Marketing errors.

[pinback]

I'm going to continue complaining about ads, so maybe let's just compile all of the complaints in here.

To start off, I'll list my top three, and we can add to and reorganize the list as needed:

I'll do it in reverse order, for a specific reason:

#3. "Hey look, we have non-traditional relationships in our ads! Buy our shit!"

#2. Nouns as verbs.

#1: The way this broad says the word "Kraft". My wife doesn't understand this, but when the ad starts, I hope Quint comes in and interrupts with his fingernail routine, which is a massive upgrade. Selective misophonia, perhaps, but every time I hear it I literally shoot myself in the face with a shotgun. You tell me, do you hear what I'm hearing? Are you right now shooting yourself in the face with a shotgun? "Kraft". Oh god.

[Flack]

Jesus, they almost got three syllables out of that thing.

If I'm allowed, I'd like to add "celebrity endorsement." Tom Selleck is best known for playing in Magnum P.I. Having a soothing demeanor and a sweet mustache does not make him an expert on reverse mortgages. This goes for the opinions of professional athletes and musicians, too.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

The fact that they are using that song in the Kuh-raf-tttt ad, which has been memed to hell, is the most pandering shit I've ever seen.

[pinback]

Let's all once again enjoy the official video of this thread:

[Flack]

"Brought to you by plastic bottles of vodka. When gravity is stronger than your will to stay sober, buy plastic bottles. Available now in your local liquor store. Possibly on a really high shelf because, hey, they're plastic!"

[odyssia76]

#1: The way this broad says the word "Kraft". My wife doesn't understand this, but when the ad starts, I hope Quint comes in and interrupts with his fingernail routine, which is a massive upgrade. Selective misophonia, perhaps, but every time I hear it I literally shoot myself in the face with a shotgun. You tell me, do you hear what I'm hearing? Are you right now shooting yourself in the face with a shotgun? "Kraft". Oh god.

Yeah but her bewbs are bouncing and they are playing Enya! I wonder if her not wearing a bra was a subtle attempt at sex appeal in a Kraft ad LOL.

[odyssia76]

"Brought to you by plastic bottles of vodka. When gravity is stronger than your will to stay sober, buy plastic bottles. Available now in your local liquor store. Possibly on a really high shelf because, hey, they're plastic!"

They also weigh a lot less than glass! No as good in a bar fight though.

[AArdvark]

Wow, Enya sold out to Kuhrafft. How sad. Also, is it ok to chase your kids around the house with food? I'm going to do that with some Czechoslovakian sausage.

Re: grandpa drinking. I want to be that guy when I retire!

THE
COOL SENIOR
AARDVARK

[Tdarcos]

You tell me, do you hear what I'm hearing? Are you right now shooting yourself in the face with a shotgun? "Kraft". Oh god.

To misquote Alex Murphy in Robocop, "Buddy, I think you're full of shit."

"I have head her word with unmistakable clarity."[1] It's the goddam manufacturer's name, for crissakes! Of all the things they might get wrong, the name won't be. She pronounced it "crafht," the same way I would. To quote my new roommate Leslie Rouse, "What do you want, blood?"


- - -
[1] The movie Used Cars had a scene where it quoted one of President Carter's speeches, where he said, "I have heard your words, with unmistakable clarity."

[pinback]

Cheery millennials using inappropriate superlatives:

Carvana has an ad with some cheery, chirpy bitch letting you know that they have a squad of customer service agents at the ready to "make your experience incredible!"

There is no planet in any galaxy in the universe on which the experience of buying a car, no matter how it's done, is ever "incredible".

[odyssia76]

There is no planet in any galaxy in the universe on which the experience of buying a car, no matter how it's done, is ever "incredible".

What if there's a planet where they use oral sex as a car sales method?

[AArdvark]

Detroit?

[pinback]

There is no planet in any galaxy in the universe on which the experience of buying a car, no matter how it's done, is ever "incredible".

What if there's a planet where they use oral sex as a car sales method?

I do not believe that is a realistic scenario.

[Casual Observer]

There is no planet in any galaxy in the universe on which the experience of buying a car, no matter how it's done, is ever "incredible".

What if there's a planet where they use oral sex as a car sales method?

I think that's a good analogy for what's going on except the customer is doin the suckin. "Yes, I accept your lies, gobble, yes give me the undercoat protection, slurp"

[pinback]

Other than her being really bizarre looking, and the words coming out of her mouth are so ridiculous, she has the most annoying voice I can currently recall.

Of special note, the way she pronounces the words "food", "stomach", and the all-time worst: "culprit".

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/o_Hr/everlywell ... hering-you

[pinback]

I mean what is WRONG with this thing!?

[pinback]

Also make that an avatar.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I'm gonna do that.

[Flack]

Also make that an avatar.

[AArdvark]

Best of!