Jonsey's Carnival of Cinema!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 5:57 pm

I'm probably "part of the problem." Let me explain.

I had a coupon for a "buy one get one free" deal over at Blockbuster. I decided to finally take advantage of it tonight. I am not one to give in to terrorist demands, but hell. I want my BBS back. It's pretty obvious that until a big chunk of time frees up for me, that Pinback is the best thing we got going.

In I went without a care in the world!
In I went, my wallet unfurled!
In I went, then I saw... a girl.

Unlike the made-up girls in the Phalanx thread, this girl was real. Like one of the girls in the Phalanx thread, this girl did not exist "in person," but on the cover of one of the movies. It was the brunette from "A Guy Thing." I have written about her at length before.

So I grabbed that one.

I'm not proud of what I did... but I'm not completely ashamed, either. Besides, regardless of how perfect that girl's face is, this is Jason Lee's big feature presentation as the protagonist. It can't totally suck.

Eventually, after wrestling -- and pinning -- the part of my brain which prevents me from renting universally panned movies, I headed down the drama rack and saw Magnolia there. I grabbed that one, too. As I headed toward the counter, I saw that Daredevil was for sale, as it had just come out today.

The assholes who put together the Daredevil DVD have not specifically said that there is going to be a version out with deleted scenes. So this is unlike the situation with Dogma, where the director stated that he had to get a no-frills version out, but an enhanced one was definitely coming.

"Oh, what the hell," I said. "I saved $60 when a buddy helped me bring my dish down from the roof of the old townhouse. I'm ahead of the game." So I dropped $22 on Daredevil.

So for those of you scoring at home, that's Daredevil, A Guy Thing and Magnolia. WHICH WILL WIN THE COVETED PRIZE? I ask this seriously. Surely, if Magnolia is the best artistic experience ever produced by mankind ( (C) Pinback Enterprises, 2003) it should beat out those other two pretenders, much less "Mallrats," as Parrish predicts it will do? I mean, this should be a given, right?

We shall see.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:11 pm

It is a given.

Even Li'l Franky Quan, who so purported to be bored by it and hate it, now all he does is talk with me about it, and quote from it. He said it himself, he's obsessed by it now. It has consumed his life. Just as it has consumed mine.

Just as it will consume yours.

(If you hadn't already read that idiotic Kevin Smith webpage, as well as some of the other posts on this BBS, and therefore are determined to hate it at any cost, even if the movie jumped out of the screen, put on lots of makeup and gave you a hummer, I mean.)

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:19 pm

pinback wrote:Even Li'l Franky Quan, who so purported to be bored by it and hate it, now all he does is talk with me about it, and quote from it. He said it himself, he's obsessed by it now. It has consumed his life. Just as it has consumed mine.

Just as it will consume yours.

Poor Franky.

(If you hadn't already read that idiotic Kevin Smith webpage, as well as some of the other posts on this BBS, and therefore are determined to hate it at any cost, even if the movie jumped out of the screen, put on lots of makeup and gave you a hummer, I mean.)

Look, I like Smith's movies. I think that he is really funny, and that's something that is becoming increasingly rare these days. But for fuck's sake, it's not like he's the New Orleans Saints and I am mindlessly loyal to him and hate everyone else he's in "competition" with.

even if the movie jumped out of the screen, put on lots of makeup and gave you a hummer, I mean.)

What are the odds that everyone forgets that Walrustitty let that little tidbit about your friendly neighborhood sysop slip? 70%? 50%? Maybe just under forty? Cos that'd be strongly appreciated. Very much so, you know.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:36 pm

When are you going to watch Magnolia?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 7:53 pm

I am currently watching "A Guy Thing." I will probably watch the "Making of..." Featurette on Daredevil next. After that, it's me, ...

...

... Jesus, it's just me. Me and a bunch of inanimate objects. Motherfuck.

Anyway, after the featurette, it'll be me, a bottle of Discount Liquor, and the Bentley Bear game alone in front "Magnolia."

To answer your question: tomorrow night at the latest.

Jethro Q. Walrustitty · Wed Jul 30, 2003 8:02 am

Put on a fucking dress while you watch it. Might as well have rented "Fried Green Tomatoes" and "The Hours" while you're at it, to make for a truly shameful evening's movie-viewing. Next week, you can rent "Beaches" with Bette Midler.

Just remember - you-know-who encouraged you to watch Fagnolia, and I encouraged you to watch Street Trash, Re-Animator, and Dawn of the Dead.

I think it's clear who your real friends are!

It is funny that you are embaressed to rent "A Guy Thing" because of the crummy reviews, but don't mind dropping $22 (ouch! $16 at Best Buy, ya know!) on the poorly-reviewed Daredevil. (Though the chick in it does look hot as hell in that leather outfit.)

(OK, I think I'm done with this Dvorak experiment. It's interesting, but I think I'd rather stick with the devil I know.)

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Jul 30, 2003 8:12 am

Jethro Q. Walrustitty wrote:It is funny that you are embaressed to rent "A Guy Thing" because of the crummy reviews, but don't mind dropping $22 (ouch! $16 at Best Buy, ya know!) on the poorly-reviewed Daredevil. (Though the chick in it does look hot as hell in that leather outfit.)

You're fucking kidding me. Best Buy had it for $16? God DAMMIT.

Daredevil wasn't that poorly reviewed. Ebert liked it. Who else really matters? I mean, really. Just because Irving Sadsack over at the Boise Crop and Roach Report didn't dig it, and contributed to it being a little less "fresh" over at Rotten Tomatoes, it doesn't mean anything. Don't get me wrong, there were serious problems with Daredevil and it was ALL because of the director (in other words, Affleck, Clarke, Garner and Colin there were fine) but there were a lot of good things about it as well, not the least being that my favorite comic character finally got himself a movie.

Jethro Q. Walrustitty · Wed Jul 30, 2003 8:34 am

Ebert also gave Tomb Raider II three stars and Star Wars Episode One 3.5 stars.

Don't get me wrong - Ebert is my favorite reviewer - but the dude's taste is definitely a bit off sometimes.

Daredevil's at 44% on Rotten Tomatoes, whereas your beloved X-Men is at 80% and X-Men 2 is at 86%. Spiderman's got 88%. Even The Hulk has got 60%.

As for no-name reviewers - the "cream of the crop" reviewers (professionals) leave Daredevil with a miserable 26%. Average rating, 4.6/10.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Jul 30, 2003 9:46 am

Jethro Q. Walrustitty wrote:As for no-name reviewers - the "cream of the crop" reviewers (professionals) leave Daredevil with a miserable 26%. Average rating, 4.6/10.

Who cares? They automatically lop off a good portion of it because it's OMG COMIX.

Anyway, the features on the disc are also included, and I really wanted to see them. The one with interviews from Daredevil creators is excellent. Funnily enough, Kevin Smith takes full blame for not writing issues #2, #3 and #4 for a limited series that he started in December 2001 with Colin Farrel's character. I don't see how anyone can hate that guy, as he's the only person in the entire state of California who takes personal responsibility for his own fuckups.