Proof that I am right.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jun 10, 2003 8:10 pm

JONSEY DONT READ THIS IT IS ABOUT MAGNOLIA!!!!

So I ventured back into Magnolia country tonight, only my second viewing. A couple important notes here:

1. I have proof that I was right about the movie not being in any way intending to show that weird things happen "for a reason", and it goes directly back to the narrator at the beginning. At the end of the narrator's spiel, after he's talked us through the third story, he says, "In my humble opinion, this is not just 'something that happens'..."

Then later, the frogs start dropping, and Stanley the genius kid looks into the camera and says: "This is something that happens," as if to tell the narrator at the beginning that he is, like so many others, full of shit in trying to attach significance to wacky events. It's not just 'something that happens'. Yes, you idiot, it is just something that happens. Welcome to life. Enjoy your stay.

2. That really is one of, if not the, best movie(s) of all time. Stunning. Shattering. Incredible. Kevin Smith is a douchebag who couldn't, how did he put it? Eat feces off of P. T. Anderson's heel? Whatever, it's true. Take this quick test: Did you like Magnolia? If you answered "no", you need to stop watching movies, because you are hopeless and depraved.

FILM D00D · Post by **FILM D00D** » Fri Jun 13, 2003 7:30 pm

U DAMN RIGHT, pinback! way to shut them the FUCK up!!!!!!!!!!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 10:03 am

I still haven't seen this movie yet. You see, I have $6 in late charges due at Blockbuster, because I didn't get "40 Days and 40 Nights" back on time.

So... do I want to pay it? I do not.

Plus, having THREE FRICKEN HOURS free at a time has been tough as well.

Eh... maybe tonight.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 1:48 pm

Just watch the goddamn movie already.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 2:08 pm

I was going to ban you for that comment, but then there really would be no conversation here.

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 5:37 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I still haven't seen this movie yet. You see, I have $6 in late charges due at Blockbuster, because I didn't get "40 Days and 40 Nights" back on time.

So... do I want to pay it? I do not.

Plus, having THREE FRICKEN HOURS free at a time has been tough as well.

Eh... maybe tonight.

They let you skip your late dues one day at my Blockbuster anymore.

Violet · Post by **Violet** » Sun Jun 22, 2003 9:22 pm

I finally watched Magnolia. Since you all gave it such good reviews it didn't effect me nearly as much as the rest of you. I guess I was the only "real man" here and didn't cry. I liked it though for the most part. Tom Cruise was totally annoying. I thought that Julian Moore was the hotter chick untill she started going off at the drug store. I thought the blood vessels were going to explode in her eyes. At that point the cokehead chick was officially the hottest chick in the movie. (well next to the 12 year old "wiz" kid.)

The frogs gave me a faintly biblical feeling. Since I am a catholic school girl, it reminded me of my days reading the bible. The frogs and moses. I don't think they fell from the sky in that though. I was obviously not paying attention in school that day. The boy could have been making reference to that. Saying this happens, meaning "God" has done this before. Trying to stop some awful thing from happening. Frogs shouldn't fall from heaven just to stop a couple of people from doing stupid things though, the frogs blow these people's lives way out of proportion. If frogs fell out of the sky during the holocaust then that would be saying something.

That little kid who saved Julian Moore was like the frogs though. He said in the beginning he knew who killed the man in the closet. What about the man in the closet? The case was never solved. What about the hooded man walking down the street? Who was shooting at the cop? The little kid was the devil. He was singing about how it doesn't matter what happens, the devil is going to win in the end. Though he did save Julian Moore. Now she has to live with herself killing her husband. In the greater scheme of things, this movie says we are all going to hell.

I loved the song in the middle "It's not going to stop" that was awesome, best scene in a movie ever.

Things I learned.
1) don't smoke, you'll die of cancer.
2) don't become a child actor. Your parents will be bastards or you'll turn into a little jackass.
3) Tom Cruise gets uglier with age.

That is all.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 4:08 pm

Violet wrote:I guess I was the only "real man" here and didn't cry.

You are a heartless, cruel robot, like Ash in Alien (which was "creepy 'nuff", BTW), incapable of empathy or any other human emotion.

point the cokehead chick was officially the hottest chick in the movie. (well next to the 12 year old "wiz" kid.)

Right then. I am now BANNING EVERYONE ON THIS BBS from this base. Nobody may post here. Between Jonsey calling Alien "creepy 'nuff" and Violet trying to rank the women in the movie Magnolia, this just proves one thing I've been saying all day: This is the most depressing day of my life.

The boy could have been making reference to that. Saying this happens, meaning "God" has done this before.

In my base, in MY THREAD, in which I explain in the very first post what the movie is about, and give PROOF of it, you are coming at me with the "God" angle? I just explained that that's exactly the opposite of what the movie is about. But does anyone listen? Noooooo, they just invite me to Vegas and toy with my fucking emotions all weekend.

Frogs shouldn't fall from heaven just to stop a couple of people from doing stupid things though, the frogs blow these people's lives way out of proportion.

This is the worst film critique I've ever read. Except for "creepy 'nuff". Did ANYONE out there understand the movie Magnolia? Anyone? Please? Anyone I can have a reasonable discussion about this movie with, no matter how many sentences I try to end with prepositions?

If frogs fell out of the sky during the holocaust then that would be saying something.

I'm committing suicide after I finish this post, BTW. You are all now UNBANNED, because I will no longer be alive to moderate this base. That last sentence of yours, Violet, that's the one that pushed me over the edge. I see no reason to go on after that.

Now she has to live with herself killing her husband.

Okay, now I get it. You just didn't watch the movie. That's cool. I hear it can be tough to find at your local Blockbuster. Maybe you got it confused with "Steel Magnolias". Happens all the time, don't let it bother you.

In the greater scheme of things, this movie says we are all going to hell.

I give up. I fucking give up.

I loved the song in the middle "It's not going to stop" that was awesome, best scene in a movie ever.

I take it all back. Dead on, Violet! You are absolutely correct. That is the best scene in a movie ever.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 4:25 pm

Hello!

I can't believe I am getting SHIT for a two-word non-review of Alien, when this motherfucker actually allowed the following to escape from the Den of Stupidity that is his empty head and get posted to the same Internet that I happen to read:

Ben Fucking Parrish wrote: Oh, right. Well, I think Alien Resurrection falls under the category of "if you're going to see it, you've probably already seen it," but just in case this is not the case with you, I will not give anything important away. Suffice it to say that Ripley has been brought back to life two hundred years after her death (in the underrated Alien 3) for the purpose of the evil government finally getting their hands on one of the slimy mean monster thingies. Well, they get one. Then they make more. Then they run around with a rag-tag bunch of renegade space- pirate-type people getting killed. This, you knew was going to happen. The surprises and the pleasures all come with the Ripley character, who is given one of the greatest turns in sequel history. See, now she's, genetically, part alien. One of the greatest joys of the film is wondering whose side she's really on, because instead of the grim intensity of her life-and-death struggle through in the first three films, now she walks around with a perpetual smirk, as if she's enjoying watching others flail around for once. Since she's not really alive, she's not afraid of dying. It's fascinating to watch, and Sigourney Weaver pulls it off marvelously. The other chilling subtext is her motherly bond with the newly generated aliens. They're her family now, and the way this relationship is fleshed out (so to speak) makes the last twenty minutes of this film one of the most profoundly disturbing moviegoing experiences I can remember. It's given even more punch by the fact that the rest of the movie is relatively light-hearted, brainless fun. Maybe nobody was affected as deeply as I was, and I'm just a sucker, but I walked out of this movie in a daze.

Resurrection, as with the other three films, is exceptionally well made, with much artistic flair. It hasn't the brooding atmosphere of the first, the masterful operatic presence of the second, or the shadowy claustrophobia of the third, but elements of all three are apparent, and there is enough new stuff here to keep the series fresh. The film is getting consistently negative-to-lukewarm reviews, which I find genuinely surprising. I can only surmise that they were all too distracted by "ewww, oh my god!" to fully appreciate the movie.

And do you know what he gave that piece of shit? Do you? Take a guess. You won't get it. No, go ahead. OK. Did you guess? Did you?

You did?

Did you guess "***1/2"?

OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T. You didn't guess that, because surely nobody who composed the utter fucking horseshit of a post to V could ALSO give Alien "Fucking" Resurrection three and one half goddamn stars! It can't happen! This can't be right! There must be two Ben Parrishes out there! One who wrote the above, and the other who gave a goddamn hand job to Alien: Resurrection!

Maybe it was Winona. Maybe he's got a celebrity crush and he thinks that he has a real chance. Maybe, scrawled in some secret place, he has a review for Girl, Interrupted and gives it "****" and says something along the lines of, "Maybe everyone else was distracted by the 'eewwwww!' moments, yes, that must be it, because surely it has nothing to do with the fact that it's a complete piece of cinematic DRECK, much like Alien: Resurrection was, which, by the way, I gave three and a half stars to."

You're fucking pathetic, Parrish.

... At least you didn't give G.I. Jane three stars or anything.

WAit!!!! SHIG!!!!

P.S. If you could commence with the dying, say, right this instant, that would be perfect. KTHX!!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 4:31 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:this motherfucker actually allowed the following to escape from the Den of Stupidity that is his empty head

Hey man. Why do you have to be like that? You're hurting feelings, man.

Violet · Post by **Violet** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 6:20 pm

I was going to post something but I just don't care. You liked the movie and that’s all that matters. I did understand the movie. I just didn't watch it like you did. I will never watch a movie like you. If everyone watched a movie like you and agreed with everything you said, there wouldn't be a real reason to talk on here.

I don't watch girly movies for the most part. That you say I mistook this movie for Steal Magnolias is utter garbage. I knew what I was getting into. That hurt.

Well anyway I am just going to stop now for the fact that I am board with myself. Have a nice day :)

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 7:44 pm

BANNED!!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 8:29 pm

Violet wrote:I was going to post something but I just don't care. You liked the movie and that’s all that matters. I did understand the movie. I just didn't watch it like you did. I will never watch a movie like you. If everyone watched a movie like you and agreed with everything you said, there wouldn't be a real reason to talk on here.

Let me "break character" for a bit -- all this stuff about suicide, homocide, SCSIcide (when applicable) together with all the elitism, company calls of idiocy, mental handicaps and Steel Magnolias: all of it is just in jest. Ben will probably immediately say that it is not in jest, but that is because he is still "in character." So please, by all means, do not take it personally.

I don't really feel that Ben is a drooling sub-homonoid for digging Alien, and he does not really, truly see me as the final arbitrator of bad taste who needs his neck french-snuggling the business-end side of scythe, even though we have exchanged messages that more or less express those sentiments to one another. It's all the same as what goes on at Jeff's board.

Additionally, it has come to my attention that one of the best ways to defend one's beliefs on this BBS is to increase the volume and cartoon violence. I agree whole-heartedly that this is a valid tactic, but again, nothing personal is meant.

... OK, it has come to my attention that pinback has typed in "I just don't want to fight any longer" into an actual post on this board. I smell blood. It's going to get very ugly here now that I have sensed a bit of weakness.

Jack Straw · Post by **Jack Straw** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 8:34 pm

Teh Sharks R swirling!!!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 9:06 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:all of it is just in jest.

This is, of course, ridiculous. I've been on bulletin board systems since I was like, 8 years old, and I use them for just the reason I think they were invented. To tell the truth. The brutal, emotionally-honest truth. I mean every last word I say here, and the disgust you sense from me in my posts is probably still a fraction of the vitriol I feel in my heart. Words are still an ineffecient way of expressing emotion, but it's all we have here.

Ben will probably immediately say that it is not in jest, but that is because he is still "in character." So please, by all means, do not take it personally.

I hope I've convinced you what a fraudulent and ridiculous statement this is. Why would I waste time talking to you people if I was just making up bullcrap? I may not have much of a life, but I sure got better things to do with my time than that.

and he does not really, truly see me as the final arbitrator of bad taste who needs his neck french-snuggling the business-end side of scythe

I think your taste in movies is lodged so far into your rectum that the surgeon's best bet would be to gouge out your eyeballs and look for it in there.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 9:06 pm

Also, you'll notice that this is one more example of the Sysop of this BBS apologizing for his own creation to the people who frequent it.

Precious. Just too precious.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 9:43 pm

pinback wrote:The brutal, emotionally-honest truth. I mean every last word I say here, and the disgust you sense from me in my posts is probably still a fraction of the vitriol I feel in my heart.

Ben has a way of making everyone that associates with him feel like the guy who caught Marv Albert. What can you say to this other than, "Ah! Ah-... ha! ??"?

Ben will probably immediately say that it is not in jest, but that is because he is still "in character." So please, by all means, do not take it personally.
I hope I've convinced you what a fraudulent and ridiculous statement this is. Why would I waste time talking to you people if I was just making up bullcrap? I may not have much of a life, but I sure got better things to do with my time than that.

Here's what you don't get.

People like you and me can be the toughest of the tough and the baddest of the bad up on the Internet. We've been in a thousand "flame wars," we've ridiculed a hundred thousand people, we've ripped the shit out of those that would oppose us. We've done so anonymously, we've done so with handles, we've done so with our own real names. We've been both the uber-troll and the only guy with a shred of reasoning and compassion in a world that is slowly falling to the horrible, shambling undead. Our feelings aren't going to get hurt if someone zings us, we're not going to lose a second's sleep over what some tool says to us over the net.

Any role a forum of BBS needs, we can play it. We are the elite.

Well here's the fucking thing, and stop me if you've heard it before: with great power comes great responsibility. Yes, Ben, you can rip apart almost every person you encounter on this BBS. You can roast them alive, skewer them, shame them... all of that stuff. For a place like this, with the unwritten contract that has developed, you have a responsibility not to.

And you fucking know you do! That's the thing that gets me! You know all this!

Yes, you could survive anywhere. You could hop on the "Brawl Hall." You could hop on the former Old Man Murray Forums. You could start posting at Caltrops, Something Awful, alt.flame, the Portal of Evil, Fucked Company... anywhere. And you'd more or less have scoreboard and get over on everyone you encountered.

This is not such a place.

I made the decision a long time ago that I don't want to run a BBS where only the strong survive. Let's take somebody like the Milker: do you think he'd survive for ten posts on any of those places above? Shit, Lex made it to about thirty posts on Something Awful before he had turned an entire forum against him in the course of two posts.

I know that decision essentially makes "Jolt Country" a mediocre website. (And I know, just like you do, that someday, sooner or later, this place is going to be invaded by a bunch of kids from some site somewhere on the Internet where only the "strong" survive and where a miserable little clique is going to spam the BBS and so forth.) But Jesus Christ -- I already post on a dozen sites where only the strong survive. Those places already exist and are doing fine, and I can escape them whenever I want. Let's say that I suddenly decided to echo everything that you said, agree with it, and change the site so that it reflects that: first off, there's no longer a compelling reason for ANYONE to visit this place, and even moreso for me (if Random Poster X hops on here and gets the shit flamed out of him by the "staff", then why stick around? Why fucking bother?).

So instead, we have JC the way it is now. I consider everyone currently participating in this website and forum to be a friend -- I want to get together with the bunch of you in Vegas, I'd want you all there in faux tuxedo t-shirts if I were to get married in Vegas -- fuck, man, turning this place into a carbon copy of a place I already go to doesn't help me at all.

So all the scathing, unfair content that I come up with ends up on Caltrops or wherever.

I FUCKING KNOW that such a decision makes this, the non-RFTK section of the site, soft as a baby's bottom. But I don't care. I really don't. I'm too old and have too much going on with work and the new game and everything else to run a guillotine BBS. I don't have the desire to run a BBS and have my friends hop on it and get slagged to death and see in-line porn outside designated areas and the rest of that. Yeah, in a perfect world, this place would be the cream of the crop and Violet and Worm and JB and everyone else on here that you say ought to kill themselves would tell you to stick it right up your ass, but that's not how those people are, and that's not how they are going to act, and I don't care. I like them all, obviously, anyway. I *prefer* them that way.

I understand where you're coming from, and I predict that you're going to go 180 degrees on me and I suspect that when you read this you're either going to stop posting or start posting like that emasculated "Happy Pinback" chap, and I get that in doing so, you're attempting to appease the part of my brain that is in complete agreement with you.

However:

1) It's pretty fucking weak of you to go after everybody (aside from me) when they aren't playing on the same field as you & me and

2) Fuck you for holding me to a higher standard than you hold yourself. You should be the most famous fucking person on the Internet, seeing how you have more potential and larger storehouses of comedy than ANYONE else on it, and while I get that I am living a lie and the life of a failure and putting it all out there in front of everybody, you're not even trying any longer.

3) Do you have any goddamned idea how hard it is to be your friend?

Yes, Ben, when it comes right down to it, you are right. I hate to some degree the fact that this place is more like "Quarter to Three" than OMM.

But I'd hate even more not being able to fucking sleep at night.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 9:51 pm

Whoa. Geez.

Sorry, man. I'll cool it out a little. It's all good. At least, I hope it's all good.

Violet, Lex, whoever feels I've treated them unfairly: Jonsey is right in everything he said. I'm basically just doing a character here, one that I've enjoyed doing over the years, but it's admittedly a guilty pleasure. As hard as it might be to believe, I really do like y'all and appreciate your presence here. Every time a new (or even an old) member posts here, I get a little vicarious thrill of seeing a place that a good friend of mine has put together with a lot of hard work, seeing that place flourish.

I hope this clears things up and helps mend any seriously hurt feelings out there.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 9:55 pm

pinback wrote:Whoa. Geez. Sorry, man. I'll cool it out a little. It's all good. At least, I hope it's all good.

You think you're going to show me up?! You think you can do a better job here? YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? ANYTEIM PARRISH ANY GODDAMNED TIME DO YOU HEAR ME!?!!?

Violet, Lex, whoever feels I've treated them unfairly: Jonsey is right in everything he said. I'm basically just doing a character here, one that I've enjoy doing over the years, but it's admittedly a guilty pleasure. As hard as it might be to believe, I really do like y'all and appreciate your presence here. Every time a new (or even an old) member posts here, I get a little vicarious thrill of seeing a place that a good friend of mine has put together with a lot of hard work, seeing that place flourish.

MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME PARRISH WILL YOIU I"LL GET YOU FOR THIS

I hope this clears things up and helps mend any seriously hurt feelings out there.

RLKJKLERJKLJKLAHHRASAAAA

Jethro Q. Walrustitty · Mon Jun 30, 2003 12:37 pm

The Alien Resurrection review is the silliest piece of text ever posted to the internet.

The surprises and the pleasures all come with the Ripley character, who is given one of the greatest turns in sequel history. See, now she's, genetically, part alien. One of the greatest joys of the film is wondering whose side she's really on, because instead of the grim intensity of her life-and-death struggle through in the first three films, now she walks around with a perpetual smirk, as if she's enjoying watching others flail around for once.

Except for the run-on sentence, that's the sort of sucking patter that you hear from first-year radio DJs.

All that for a movie that sucks, sucks, sucks. Oh, and Alien3 sucks, too - but geez, Alien Resurrection was absolutely terrible, and I like the director.

The dude loves GI Jane, Alien Resurrection, Alien3, and Fagnolia. Yeesh. Looks like most "heroic chic" movies are on his must-see list, too. Not having seen his list, let me guess - he probably loves Trainspotting, too. OI!