The Tiger Woods Thing

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Expand view Topic review: The Tiger Woods Thing

by pinback » Sun Dec 13, 2009 10:37 pm

RealityCheck wrote:
pinback wrote:Tomato juice.
There were so many places you could have gone with that.
He already did.

by Paradox beaver » Sun Dec 13, 2009 7:46 pm

How about wood juice for Tiger Woods' drink? Wood you like some wood? yum yum yum I FEED!

by RealityCheck » Sat Dec 12, 2009 9:31 am

pinback wrote:Tomato juice.
There were so many places you could have gone with that.

by Flack » Fri Dec 11, 2009 7:06 pm

AArdvark wrote:Maybe they will name a drink after him in the future, like the Arnold Palmer. What would it be?
Just call it the Tiger Woods, and here's how you'll make it. Line up about a dozen drinks in attractive glasses, and then use the same stirring stick in each one. [/rimshot]

On the news tonight they were saying Tiger's leaving the country and now they're talking about prostitutes and all kinds of crazy shit. Hopefully he plays the "sex addict card" and makes it out of this.

Looks like Tiger's gonna have one rotten Christmas. And you know what the difference is between Santa and Tiger, right? Santa knows enough to stop after three ho's ...

by pinback » Fri Dec 11, 2009 3:33 pm

Tomato juice.

by AArdvark » Fri Dec 11, 2009 2:19 pm

Maybe they will mane a drink after him in the future, like the Arnold Palmer. What would it be?


THE
I WONDER
AARDVARK

by pinback » Fri Dec 11, 2009 11:43 am

There are only two ways this can go, where it turns out good. Only two ways this can go that I would accept.

1. Over the coming year he opens up, fesses up to what a douche he's been, really shows some contrition, and then continues to play at his normal level, picking up an average of one major a year or so, keeps his nose clean for the rest of the year, stops throwing clubs, posing on 8-irons, yelling goddamn fucking fucker every time he misses the green, and basically just keeps it cool. At this rate he'd eclipse Jack in about five years, at the ripe old age of 38 or 39, and if he's kept it together the whole time, I think Jack would be happy to stand there and hand the torch to Tiger, a changed man, who had generally turned back into a good guy we could all respect, and we'd all cheer, knowing we'd watched a flawed man turn it around to become unarguably the greatest ever.

2. He shuts up, does no interviews, doesn't acknowledge anything or anybody, and wins all four majors in 2010, tying Jack's record, and then quits golf forever. Then he'd leave known as a REALLY flawed man who nonetheless owned the game, but had enough shame to know that no matter how many majors he won, he had no business showing up a timeless legend like Jack, and wanted to show one last bit of class and leave it for the writers to argue Jack vs. Tiger forever.

I will accept no other outcomes.

by Grocer » Fri Dec 11, 2009 8:03 am

Tiger should go the WWF route and become the heel of pro golf. He should team up with Vince, update his wardrobe and start wearing only black, start smoking, get a neck tat and parade in front of the cameras with a scantily clad harem. This would rule beyond belief.

by Souffle of Pain » Thu Dec 10, 2009 12:39 am

Tiger was fucking a bunch of women, Aardvark. Nine of them. ALso he doesn't understand how cellphones work and his wife Lionel Ritchied him.

I think you're up-to-date!

by AArdvark » Fri Dec 04, 2009 2:25 pm

So did his wife beat him up? I just got a photoshopped email suggesting that he was attacked by his Norwegian wife.



THE
HEY, WHA HOPPEN?
AARDVARK

by content beaver » Fri Dec 04, 2009 4:12 am

Ay godhanauuauaua chihuauaua shauhananana chihuauaua shauhananana chihuauaua shauhananana chihuauaua shauhananana chihuauaua shauhananana nananaa i feed!

The Tiger Woods Thing

by TigerCast » Wed Dec 02, 2009 2:48 pm

Since all of the drama began last Friday morning, we here at TigerCast have been asked almost continuously from all corners of the internet, what our take on this whole thing is. As we, like you, are continuing to get new, sordid information on a daily basis, we felt it was irresponsible to make any sort of statement until the time was right and we felt we had enough information to make any such statement.

At this point, though, I think we know enough to be able to offer this, our feelings about all of this:

Though we have been making lots of jokes about this, along with everyone else, and are just as interested to see what happens next, we here at TigerCast have to say quite honestly that we are really, truly, very disappointed in all of this. Though Tiger's dominance on the golf course is legendary and will never be matched, what we really, truly liked about Tiger was that, even with all the fame and pressure and cash, he still seemed to be able to both maintain the focus on his professional career, but more than that, be a genuinely good guy. Even as it seemed every other high-profile, rich athlete eventually found himself in some sort of embarrassing shit, it seemed for so long that the HIGHEST profile, and the RICHEST athlete of them all managed to stay above it.

Probably naive on our part, but we so wanted to believe.

And now this. We feel a deep, dark, disappointed pit in our stomach every time we think about this. We will not go so far as to completely disown him after all these years, but our admiration has taken a huge, if not irreparable hit. It does not help that Tiger seems to have handled this entire situation as poorly as you could imagine, if he had any interest in coming through this looking like anything other than a slimy, lying pussy of a scumbag.

So we'll continue to joke. And we'll continue to hit refresh on deadspin and TMZ every five seconds looking for updates.

But we hurt. We hurt bad. We hope he turns it around somehow, un-pussies himself, gets out there and says yes, I've been a giant douche, I suck, please forgive me, because we probably still could.

But this sucks. That is our statement.

P.S. John Ziegler is still a <s>bit of a</s> giant prick.

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