by pinback » Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:22 am
British Open Update, Round 2, Part 1: THE CONTENDERS
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Let's first look at today's results with an eye toward the most important thing in the world, Tiger winning Player of the Year.
ANTHONY KIM: Shot a 74, to put him at +6, which in this tournament, is still only seven back, and tied for 27th, so still very much in contention. However, he's going in the right direcetion. (DOWN!)
PHIL MICKELSON: Son of a bitch shot a 69 to avoid missing the cut! He's still tied for 54th at +8, but at only 9 back, while unlikely, it's still not over for FUCK YOU LEFTY!
SERGIO GARCIA: I neglected to mention him yesterday, but he won the Player's this year which is worth like a half a major, so if he can win a real major, and maybe one other tournament, he has a shot at it. Widely expected to win this one, he stands tied for 21st, at +5, six shots back.
KENNY PERRY: STILL NOT PLAYING! Idiot.
TREVOR IMMELMAN: Tied with Phil at 9 back. Phil has a much better chance of making up this ground that Trevvy, so I'm ready to write him the fuck off!
So, still some threats from Kim and Sergio, but other than that, I like the way things are going!
British Open Update, Round 2, Part 2: THE BIG STORIES
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Besides all these Tiger stories, there are four stories brewing at this British, all of which are extremely unlikely to end triumphantly, but if ANY of them did, it would be a tremendously huge story, almost as big as Tiger's Open win. They are, in order of how big they would be:
BIG STORY #4: Rocco Mediate, tied for 5th, 3 back.. Everyman hero who went toe-to-toe with Tiger for 91 holes at the Open, held a share of the overnight lead after round 1, and still stands just two back in a tie for third. This would be the Feel Good Story Of The Universe for sports this year. Everyone should root for him, cuz he is an awesome guy, and if all golfers were like him, people wouldn't (rightfully) hate golfers as much as they do.
BIG STORY #3: David Duval, tied for 3rd, 2 back. One-time #1 player in the world, winner of the 2001 British Open, suffered an unbelievable collapse after that year, to the point where he literally couldn't break 80, anywhere, anytime. Something got in his head to the point where he simply could not play golf anymore. It was really kind of sad to see, and a little frightening to think that, no matter how good you are at something, even if you're the best in the world, something can just go wrong in your head and turn you into a novice nearly overnight. He has not been close to contending at any tournament since, though he has been playing more lately. For him to come back and win this one, though, would be absolutely astonishing.
BIG STORY #2: Jean Van de Velde, 5 back, tied for 16th. If you have ever even had the vaguest brush with following professional golf, and were asked "what is the biggest choke job in sports history", the words "Van de Velde" should instantly jump into your mind. At the 1999 British Open, he came to the last hole with a three stroke lead. All he had to do was not triple-bogey the hole. He could have (and later, in a promotional stunt, did) beat that score using just a putter. But he decided to finish in style, and what followed was one of the more memorable 20 minutes of televised golf, as he hit amazingly bad shot after amazingly bad shot, took off his shoes, climbed down into a rocky stream, basically took a scenic tour of the last hole, and had to make a ten-foot putt just to GET a triple bogey and get into a playoff, which he would then lose. 9 years later, to come back and finally finish the deal would be the ultimate in redemption, and probably even a more popular win than Rocco.
BIG STORY #1: Greg Norman (2nd place, 1 back). Greg Norman is 53 years old, and has over the last decade basically moved from golf to winemaking, running restaurants, and a bunch of other non-golf-related enterprises. 3 weeks ago he married Chris Evert, then went on a honeymoon. He basically rolled into town, a guy 20 years past his prime, with his clubs in his trunk, and just got out and started hitting it. Nicklaus' 86 Masters win at the age of 46 is by far considered the most legendary "old guy" performance in history. This would blast past that one so fast that Jack wouldn't even have time to wave at Norman as he sped by.
Four stories, all incredibly unlikely to come to fruition, but any of them would make the front page of every newspaper in the land.
British Open Update, Round 2, Part 1: THE CONTENDERS
----------------------------------------------------------
Let's first look at today's results with an eye toward the most important thing in the world, Tiger winning Player of the Year.
ANTHONY KIM: Shot a 74, to put him at +6, which in this tournament, is still only seven back, and tied for 27th, so still very much in contention. However, he's going in the right direcetion. (DOWN!)
PHIL MICKELSON: Son of a bitch shot a 69 to avoid missing the cut! He's still tied for 54th at +8, but at only 9 back, while unlikely, it's still not over for FUCK YOU LEFTY!
SERGIO GARCIA: I neglected to mention him yesterday, but he won the Player's this year which is worth like a [i]half[/i] a major, so if he can win a real major, and maybe one other tournament, he has a shot at it. Widely expected to win this one, he stands tied for 21st, at +5, six shots back.
KENNY PERRY: STILL NOT PLAYING! Idiot.
TREVOR IMMELMAN: Tied with Phil at 9 back. Phil has a much better chance of making up this ground that Trevvy, so I'm ready to write him the fuck off!
So, still some threats from Kim and Sergio, but other than that, I like the way things are going!
British Open Update, Round 2, Part 2: THE BIG STORIES
----------------------------------------------------------
Besides all these Tiger stories, there are [i]four[/i] stories brewing at this British, all of which are extremely unlikely to end triumphantly, but if ANY of them did, it would be a tremendously huge story, almost as big as Tiger's Open win. They are, in order of how big they would be:
BIG STORY #4: Rocco Mediate, tied for 5th, 3 back.. Everyman hero who went toe-to-toe with Tiger for 91 holes at the Open, held a share of the overnight lead after round 1, and still stands just two back in a tie for third. This would be the Feel Good Story Of The Universe for sports this year. Everyone should root for him, cuz he is an awesome guy, and if all golfers were like him, people wouldn't (rightfully) hate golfers as much as they do.
BIG STORY #3: David Duval, tied for 3rd, 2 back. One-time #1 player in the world, winner of the 2001 British Open, suffered an unbelievable collapse after that year, to the point where he literally couldn't break 80, anywhere, anytime. Something got in his head to the point where he simply could not play golf anymore. It was really kind of sad to see, and a little frightening to think that, no matter how good you are at something, even if you're the best in the world, something can just go wrong in your head and turn you into a novice nearly overnight. He has not been close to contending at any tournament since, though he has been playing more lately. For him to come back and win this one, though, would be absolutely astonishing.
BIG STORY #2: Jean Van de Velde, 5 back, tied for 16th. If you have ever even had the vaguest brush with following professional golf, and were asked "what is the biggest choke job in sports history", the words "Van de Velde" should instantly jump into your mind. At the 1999 British Open, he came to the last hole with a three stroke lead. All he had to do was not triple-bogey the hole. He could have (and later, in a promotional stunt, did) beat that score using just a putter. But he decided to finish in style, and what followed was one of the more memorable 20 minutes of televised golf, as he hit amazingly bad shot after amazingly bad shot, took off his shoes, climbed down into a rocky stream, basically took a scenic tour of the last hole, and had to make a ten-foot putt just to GET a triple bogey and get into a playoff, which he would then lose. 9 years later, to come back and finally finish the deal would be the ultimate in redemption, and probably even a more popular win than Rocco.
BIG STORY #1: Greg Norman (2nd place, 1 back). Greg Norman is 53 years old, and has over the last decade basically moved from golf to winemaking, running restaurants, and a bunch of other non-golf-related enterprises. 3 weeks ago he married Chris Evert, then went on a honeymoon. He basically rolled into town, a guy 20 years past his prime, with his clubs in his trunk, and just got out and started hitting it. Nicklaus' 86 Masters win at the age of 46 is by far considered the most legendary "old guy" performance in history. This would blast past that one so fast that Jack wouldn't even have time to wave at Norman as he sped by.
Four stories, all incredibly unlikely to come to fruition, but any of them would make the front page of every newspaper in the land.