[REVIEW] Get Out of My House

by **Vitriola** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 11:19 am

Adult horror movies tremendously suck, because they always try and have some vaguely sounding realistic threat with which to scare adults, namely women, which is usually something like aliens steal your child, ghosts terrify your child, demons possess your child, your husband cheats on you and you never knew and now ghosts are gloating in the afterlife, etc. I like this one because they ignored the FUCK out of that child, the ghosts weren't always your grammie and childhood dog wanting to say hi and tell you where the buried china she hid during the War is, it was edited and shot in realy neat and cool ways, and the creepy imagery was actualy creepy. Malevolent ghosts who make knives fly across the room or take over your personality? Fuck that. These get right after your shit.

The ending solution sucked, though. It was good up until then.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:25 pm

pinback wrote:Of course I didn't see it.

See it! Sure, you're gonna hate it, but maybe you won't! I'm not saying it's a five star movie or anything -- there's one part of it that falls flat in particular -- but it was good. I was entertained.

Of course... okay, I have to say this. You already won't get out of it what I got out of it. You know how E.T. is this cutesy story about some alien and his best friend -- a human child? Imagine if halfway through E.T.'s buddies come to earth and they are not grabbing flowers because they are space botanists, but rather they bring down electro-cannons and want to make fucktoy slaves out of all earth females. And imagine the movie gave you NO indication that it was going to go in that direction.

Well, I already ruined GOoMH for you because I told you about the angry ghosts. I had NO idea that there were mean ghosts in the thing... until they appeared. The movie totally sold itself as one guy trying to find a way to still get bossed around by his deceased wife, and then it totally changed.

It's like the principle in physics where measurement defines what's being measured. You can't like that movie like I did because you read this thread. I Luke I Am Your Fathered you.

The pissed-off section of ethereal demons came out of nowhere. It was brilliant. Anyone who says otherwise went in with a fart face and was determined to not like it before they did. I went into it thinking it had the best trailer of all time and I was actually going to give it more than a fair chance. The hell do I care if every other person who saw it hated it? I'm still going to wake up pretty tomorrow.

by **pinback** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:18 pm

Of course I didn't see it.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:16 pm

pinback wrote:You can say it about many other movies besides this one, which is horrible.

Why do you insist on excusing horrible movies?

Did you even see it? What was horrible about it? And keep in mind the premise was A GUY TALKING TO DEAD PEOPLE ON HIS DAT PLAYER. You have to buy into that before any of this other crap like who is driving what or whether or not he went to work (it's obvious he didn't -- he was obsessed. That's character development. Shit, if I could save people all day long do you think I'd grind it out 9-5?).

by **pinback** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:11 pm

Yeah. Well, never mind, then.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:11 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: GET OUT... OF MY QUARTER KEG
GET OUT... OF MY KEGERATOR
GET OUT... OF MY BUDWEISER PROCESSING PLANT

GET OUT... OF THE ENTIRE STATE OF KANSAS WHERE THEY GROW "HOPS"

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:10 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: GET OUT... OF MY BUCKET OF CORONA
GET OUT... OF MY QUARTER KEG
GET OUT... OF MY KEGERATOR

GET OUT... OF MY BUDWEISER PROCESSING PLANT

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:10 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: GET OUT... OF MY FIFTH OF SCOTCH
GET OUT... OF MY BUCKET OF CORONA
GET OUT... OF MY QUARTER KEG

GET OUT... OF MY KEGERATOR

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:10 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: GET OUT... OF MY THREAD
GET OUT... OF MY FIFTH OF SCOTCH
GET OUT... OF MY BUCKET OF CORONA

GET OUT... OF MY QUARTER KEG

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:09 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
pinback wrote:Sorry everyone. As sad as it fucking seems, you're as close as I have to a family anymore.
GET OUT... OF MY THREAD
GET OUT... OF MY FIFTH OF SCOTCH

GET OUT... OF MY BUCKET OF CORONA

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:09 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
pinback wrote:Sorry everyone. As sad as it fucking seems, you're as close as I have to a family anymore.
GET OUT... OF MY THREAD

GET OUT... OF MY FIFTH OF SCOTCH

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:09 pm

pinback wrote:Sorry everyone. As sad as it fucking seems, you're as close as I have to a family anymore.

GET OUT... OF MY THREAD

by **pinback** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:08 pm

You can say it about many other movies besides this one, which is horrible.

Why do you insist on excusing horrible movies?

You like HORRIBLE MOVIES. Don't dsjsdkf

god. im too drunk to finish this post

sorry everyone. this is it. no more of this sititng home alone drinking and posting here shit. Sorry. This is embarrassing for me, as most of my posts here over the last year have been.

I was talking with jonsey last night about how everyone here is mean to me, but in truth, I've earned every bit of it. I can't leave here, and you know why?

Because it's all I have right now. When I'm alone with myself, it's nothing but constant horror, so that's why I click furiously on the "refresh" button to see if there's any new posts here, because every one of them distracts me, even if only for a few seconds, from the nightmare which otherwise consumes me.

People say I'm a dick to certain people here, and maybe I am, but it's only in an aeffort to get some reply, some reaction, because without it, I have nothing here.

I know I neeed help, and I'll be getting it shortly.

Ah, I don't remember what I wanted to say. July will be a better month for me. It oculdn't be worse.

Sorry everyone. As sad as it fucking seems, you're as close as I have to a family anymore.

by **Jack Straw** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:08 pm

Who gives a shit what the stuffy ass reviewers have to say?

Movie delivers.

Good enough for me.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 10:59 pm

"Oh no!! It wasn't realistic!!!"! -- Every critic of this movie

Great. Fantastic. Didn't see that coming. I like how they crack these critics out for January movies and say, "Do your thing!!!!" and then we see totally unfunny reviews of decent movies.

For Christ's sake the Filthy Critic (who we are convinced is not the original one) started in on how it's illogical for the characters to own the expensive cars they were driving. And how Keaton quit his job. OH NO! STOP THIS FILM'S RELEASE. BFD.

I wanted a bunch of dead people communicating with the living through CoolEdit Pro.

I got a bunch of dead people communicating with the living and being pissed as fuck while communicating over CoolEditPro. In fact they were so angry they changed the default graphic color from green to red (which no reviewer would ever pick up on because, as snide as they all are, they're too fucking stupid to actually know anything about any subject other than movies and miss the errors a movie like Get Out of My House truly does make. Not that it matters -- ghosts getting so pissed they change font colors is fucking awesome).

Movie delivers. How many movies can you even say that about these days?

by **pinback** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 10:40 pm

I can't believe it. One of my best buddies is a connoisseur of really, REALLY bad movies.

You read about it all the time, you just never think it's going to happen to you.

by **pinback** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 10:40 pm

"But not even such dazzling candor could have saved "White Noise." Less vexing than the film's possibility of life after death is its inability to give us any life before death." - Chicago Tribune

by **pinback** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 10:37 pm

"Remember when Michael Keaton played a superhero in a cape? Those were the days. Now he's reduced to this Sixth Sense rip-off, playing an architect who sees dead people, notably his wife. He communicates with her by staring at TV static -- an activity far more fun than this thrill-free thriller." - P. Travers.

by **pinback** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 10:36 pm

"The biggest horror about White Noise is that there's no horror to speak of. In the place of scares, we are bombarded with bad melodrama, silly pseudo-science, a storyline that never comes close to making sense, and a creeping malaise of boredom that will put even the most over-caffeinated move-goer to sleep. I could also complain about the ending, but the movie doesn't really have one. It sort of stumbles to a stop before the credits mercifully begin running. The moment this happened, half the people remaining in the audience bolted for the exit. The other half had to be awakened from a long winter's nap." - Jimmy B.

No wonder you liked it.

Do you like any GOOD movies, out of curiosity?

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 10:34 pm

I can't believe it didn't suck. Holy shit.

Four stars out of five.

[REVIEW] Get Out of My House

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