by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sat Sep 13, 2003 5:42 pm
Albuquerque Alchies (0-1-0)
Fantasy Gods (1-0-0)
The new kids on the block versus the old warhorse of Extraordinary Fantasy Gaming! A guy whose #1 sport is really hockey versus a guy whose #1 sport is really basketball! A man -- Steven -- found in the Christian bible (it's towards the back) versus another one -- Zachary -- more at home in the Necronomicon!
Monday Night Matchup is fucking on!
All the stars are out this weekend, boys. Drew Bledsoe gets the nod for Steve Oelheim and the Alchies, with Daunte Culpepper manning the helm for the Fantasy Gods. Bledsoe looked efficient, confident and in charge, finally driving the Bills' offense the way it was meant to and not driving it like a bunch of half-Korean, half-Arab old women trying to navigate the skies above NYC against some Patriots with a Honda 747. Bledsoe has weapons aplenty, and if Josh Reed could catch a fucking football like he can catch shit on Buffalo radio for not being able to catch a football Bledsoe may be deadlier still.
Culpepper looked good against a Green Bay squad that decided to take the first half completely off. Luckily for the Fantasy Gods, Culpepper is going up against a Bears squad that took both halves off against the Niners. I don't want to imply that the Bears are going to suck cock this year, but much in the same way that the old Eagles stadium came equipped with a jail, the Bears new stadium is going to have installed a bunch of stomach pumps.
As for running backs... who the hell knows. Faulk can get nine touches or thirty in any given game because his coach is the dumbest pure head coach in the NFL. Travis Henry looked excellent last week, except for when he decided that actually being anywhere near the handoff on a rushing attempt was for maggots and cowards ran to the outside without coming within five yards of the pigskin. Did Greg Williams, noted professional pussy, yell at the Grape Ape for this one? Doubt it.
Eddie George is in for a tough day against the 98 Bucs, I mean, 03 Colts. Charlie Garner ought to not even slow down against the woeful Bengals, provided the Raiders don't get arrogant with this one. Ah, well, if you can't trust Head Coach Bill Callahan... who can you trust? Callahan should have got one of those "Thinker," nee "Squatter" trophies that Mike Sherwin threatens to give out for Fort Collins Summer Softball because he's all about the cerebral part of the matchup. Regardless, advantage Garner.
I had this whole thing on Packers TE ready to go, but then I double-checked and he's got Franks and not Walls. Heap verus Franks this week? Steve and Zach, you fucking assholes. A set of solid wide receivers also cuts down on the comedy. Next week's MNM will be the two worst teams so we can all enjoy this more. Darrell Jackson does get an Arizona defense which is going to put up as much of a fight as Sailer's dog Caffrey does when it comes time for some ultragay neighborhood canine rape. Ruff ruff, indeed!
Hey, remember the last time Michael Strahan faced Kyle Turley? He had three sacks. I remember, because as a Saints fan, this is just another day at the office for us. Strahan seemed to remember as he got another field day against Turley the Ram last week. Strahan must be licking his chops at going up against the buttchudders that Dallas is going to throw at him. Max protect, Cowboys, you wouldn't want your QB hurt or anything. Oelheim throws out half the Kansas City defense hoping they'll be on the field forever and rack up the tackles. He also has Nick Harper. While Nick Harper is probable, Nick Harper's ears are definitely going to be in the game -- acting as a giant fucking satellite dish to receive transmissions for the scoreboard. Harper (and Oelheim) have turned the NFL into a Freak Show, and while I respect that, I can't recommend it.
Fantasy Gods 99.15
Albuquerque Alchies 78.07
Albuquerque Alchies (0-1-0)
Fantasy Gods (1-0-0)
The new kids on the block versus the old warhorse of Extraordinary Fantasy Gaming! A guy whose #1 sport is really hockey versus a guy whose #1 sport is really basketball! A man -- Steven -- found in the Christian bible (it's towards the back) versus another one -- Zachary -- more at home in the Necronomicon!
Monday Night Matchup is fucking on!
All the stars are out this weekend, boys. Drew Bledsoe gets the nod for Steve Oelheim and the Alchies, with Daunte Culpepper manning the helm for the Fantasy Gods. Bledsoe looked efficient, confident and in charge, finally driving the Bills' offense the way it was meant to and not driving it like a bunch of half-Korean, half-Arab old women trying to navigate the skies above NYC against some Patriots with a Honda 747. Bledsoe has weapons aplenty, and if Josh Reed could catch a fucking football like he can catch shit on Buffalo radio for not being able to catch a football Bledsoe may be deadlier still.
Culpepper looked good against a Green Bay squad that decided to take the first half completely off. Luckily for the Fantasy Gods, Culpepper is going up against a Bears squad that took both halves off against the Niners. I don't want to imply that the Bears are going to suck cock this year, but much in the same way that the old Eagles stadium came equipped with a jail, the Bears new stadium is going to have installed a bunch of stomach pumps.
As for running backs... who the hell knows. Faulk can get nine touches or thirty in any given game because his coach is the dumbest pure head coach in the NFL. Travis Henry looked excellent last week, except for when he decided that actually being anywhere near the handoff on a rushing attempt was for maggots and cowards ran to the outside without coming within five yards of the pigskin. Did Greg Williams, noted professional pussy, yell at the Grape Ape for this one? Doubt it.
Eddie George is in for a tough day against the 98 Bucs, I mean, 03 Colts. Charlie Garner ought to not even slow down against the woeful Bengals, provided the Raiders don't get arrogant with this one. Ah, well, if you can't trust Head Coach Bill Callahan... who can you trust? Callahan should have got one of those "Thinker," nee "Squatter" trophies that Mike Sherwin threatens to give out for Fort Collins Summer Softball because he's all about the cerebral part of the matchup. Regardless, advantage Garner.
I had this whole thing on Packers TE ready to go, but then I double-checked and he's got Franks and not Walls. Heap verus Franks this week? Steve and Zach, you fucking assholes. A set of solid wide receivers also cuts down on the comedy. Next week's MNM will be the two worst teams so we can all enjoy this more. Darrell Jackson does get an Arizona defense which is going to put up as much of a fight as Sailer's dog Caffrey does when it comes time for some ultragay neighborhood canine rape. Ruff ruff, indeed!
Hey, remember the last time Michael Strahan faced Kyle Turley? He had three sacks. I remember, because as a Saints fan, this is just another day at the office for us. Strahan seemed to remember as he got another field day against Turley the Ram last week. Strahan must be licking his chops at going up against the buttchudders that Dallas is going to throw at him. Max protect, Cowboys, you wouldn't want your QB hurt or anything. Oelheim throws out half the Kansas City defense hoping they'll be on the field forever and rack up the tackles. He also has Nick Harper. While Nick Harper is probable, Nick Harper's ears are definitely going to be in the game -- acting as a giant fucking satellite dish to receive transmissions for the scoreboard. Harper (and Oelheim) have turned the NFL into a Freak Show, and while I respect that, I can't recommend it.
Fantasy Gods 99.15
Albuquerque Alchies 78.07