Authentic Philly Cheesesteak

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Authentic Philly Cheesesteak

Post by pinback »

The fact is obvious. There is no food item greater than the sandwich known as the Philadelphia Cheesesteak. But a lot of people do not know the proper ingredients or methods to use to create a truly authentic Philly cheesesteak. Fortunately for you, I am here to come to your rescue.

Ingredients
------------
1/2 pound ribeye, sliced very thin. A few notes on this:
- I tend to substitue a cheaper cut of beef, like round or chuck, but make sure to cut it very thin, and against the grain.
- If your butcher won't/can't do this, I've found it helpful to freeze the beef for a little while (or if frozen, not let it thaw all the way) beforehand. This makes it easier to shave thin slices off the side.

1/4 medium yellow onion, sliced thin.

1 8" French roll (or 1/2 of a 16" French roll, or 1/10 of an 80" French roll, etc.)

1 tbsp olive oil.

3 tbsp Cheez-Whiz. Now, listen up:
- "Cheez-Whiz? Are you kidding me?"
- No, not kidding. You want it authentic or not?
- "But, I mean... CHEEZ-WHIZ??"
- Accept no substitute, for that cheese substitute.

How to cook
-------------
- Heat up the olive oil in a skillet over medium-high.

- Throw the onions and the meat in there, and add salt/pepper. (If you're worried about cross contamination or any of that, do the onions first, remove, then do the steak, then add the onions back in at the end.)

- Fry it all until the steak has browned and the onions are a deep gold.

- Meanwhile, cut the roll in half (not quite separating on one side) and lightly toast. You don't want it crunchy, you want it just a little chewy.

- Also meanwhile, melt the Cheez-Whiz in a microwave or some other method.

- Once everything's ready, stuff the roll full of the meat/onions, pour the Whiz over top, squoosh it all together, and enjoy the finest sandwich ever created by Man.


HOW TO EAT A PHILLY CHEEESTEAK
---------------------------------------
The proper stance is crucial. To "assume the position", do the following:

1. Stand upright with your legs spread fairly wide, about a foot outside each shoulder. Lock your knees in this position.

2. Bend forward at the waist, approximately 30 degrees forward, keeping your knees locked and your back straight. This will necessitate your butt sticking way out to maintain your balance. This is a key component of the stance.

3. Begin eating the sandwich from the end. If the roll comes from half of a larger roll, start at the "cut" end. The stance ensures that anything that falls out of the roll will land on the ground, and not on your clothing or shoes.

Image
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Jack Straw
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Post by Jack Straw »

rawk

bruce
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Post by bruce »

<i><b>Not fucking Cheese Whiz, you idiot.</b></i>

Seriously. LOOK at the picture: the cheese has become too liquid, and is individually coating each piece of meat, rather than spreading out like a big gooey warm blanket of fat and dairy byproducts.

Cheese Whiz is too runny. What you want is Velveeta. Although I'm not even sure of that anymore, because complaints.com has some whining that Kraft changed the Velveeta recipe in the last couple years and now it separates and gets white chunks when you melt it. What you want is Velveeta that melts properly--which it may still do: it could be that those people are idiots--which will result in a more gooey cheese than the Whiz.

Also: <i>olive oil</i>? This ain't no fuckin' <i>haute cuisine</i>, pallie. You use whatever grease you have lying around. In an actual shop devoted to the art of the cheesesteak (like Hoagie Haven--seriously, it's run by a Greek (George, the guy in the picture) so you know it's gotta a) be good and b) have only the very least expensive ingredients in it. If you eat a Hoagie <s>Heavin'</s>Haven cheesesteak, and don't like it, and live, <i>I</i> will refund your money), this would be the hamburger grill, which is full of suet and bacon grease and hasn't been cleaned since Christ was a corporal.

You probably don't have anything that industrial and repulsive in your house--and good for you--but for the onions and peppers to taste right, you really ought to fry them up in old, burned grease. Make french fries a couple times, saving and reusing the grease, for instance. Scrape some bacon drippings into the grease jar too. The burnt crunchy bits give it, and you, character.

Finally, if you're worried about "cross-contamination," the cheesesteak is not the comestible for you. Try Vegan Tofu Loaf or something.

Bruce

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Post by bruce »

bruce wrote:onions and peppers
Pinback, you will notice, omitted the green peppers. This is a matter of individual preference. I like them, as they add some bass notes to the flavor.

Bruce

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Post by pinback »

The Philly cheesesteak was invented at Pat's, and to this day, they use Cheez Whiz. Therefore, it's absurd to claim that anything else could possibly be called truly "authentic".
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bruce
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Post by bruce »

pinback wrote:The Philly cheesesteak was invented at Pat's, and to this day, they use Cheez Whiz. Therefore, it's absurd to claim that anything else could possibly be called truly "authentic".
Do they use olive oil at Pat's?

Velveeta makes a better sandwich.

Also, for best effect, toast the bread by slicing it open and letting it sit for a little while face-down on your disgusting greasy grill.

Bruce

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Post by pinback »

bruce wrote:
pinback wrote:The Philly cheesesteak was invented at Pat's, and to this day, they use Cheez Whiz. Therefore, it's absurd to claim that anything else could possibly be called truly "authentic".
Do they use olive oil at Pat's?
No. I wrote it reflexively, and incorrectly. My apologies to the victims.
In the yard, not too far from the car.

Pat

Post by Pat »

pinback wrote:The Philly cheesesteak was invented at Pat's, and to this day, they use Cheez Whiz. Therefore, it's absurd to claim that anything else could possibly be called truly "authentic".
They were originally topped with a pizza sauce but you're not cool enough to know that.

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Post by bruce »

Christ, I have to get the hell out of this topic. I can't have any carbs and I'm fantasizing about the sandwich. I COULD, however, have meat-and-onions-and-a-couple-peppers-and-cheese-but-not-Velveeta-probably.

Bruce

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Post by k. roo »

bruce wrote:If you eat a Hoagie <s>Heavin'</s>Haven cheesesteak, and don't like it, and live, <i>I</i> will refund your money) [...]
Over here.

Their bread is from the day before yesterday, their meat is dry, their vegetables taste of bleach. Yes, I've had PCS at the HH, and I've vowed that from that day on only the Wa is getting my business.

Also, a place where I have to watch like a hawk to always know who among the 7 people behind the counter at what exact time happens to think about asking me what else I'd like on my sandwich, or else I miss my turn and have to wait until the other 35 people in <s>line</s> throng have been served - might be fine for folks who like their caffeeine intravenously, but me, as an ordinary working stiff looking for food at the end of his day, I'll happily pass.

j. striz

Post by j. striz »


Vitriola

Post by Vitriola »

bruce wrote:What you want is Velveeta. Although I'm not even sure of that anymore, because complaints.com has some whining that Kraft changed the Velveeta recipe in the last couple years and now it separates and gets white chunks when you melt it.
I can vouch for the companies changing cheese/pasta ingredients around. I find myself a connoisseur of Stouffer's mac & cheese. Occasionally, every couple years, I get a run of boxes that taste just gawdawful, and I know it's because they included the cheap Kraft-style macaroni, and probably (can't say for sure), skimped on the cheese. This happens, all the time. Cheap pasta is a very definite change in taste sensation, so I can only assume that cheese variations would be the same.

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Post by pinback »

That's great, "j. striz". Maybe from now on, JC BBS can be a place where we just link to content, without actually providing any. That would be AWESOME.

Sorry, I mean: http://sonowthen.net/that_would_be_awesome.html
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Jack Straw
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Post by Jack Straw »

Here's some content, then. What we have here is a link to the original (AUTHENTIC) recipe. Which has a shitload of options. As in,
Cheese {we recommend Cheez Whiz®} American or Provolone works fine
Also mentions green and red peppers and mushrooms as optional, neither of which were mentioned in your post.
So, we can have at least 36 different combinations of sandwich which can be safely called "authentic" without being absurd.
I mean, you're not even from Philly. Why the nazi-esque attitude of "THIS CHEESESTEAK AND ONLY THIS CHEESESTEAK IS AUTHENTIC AND ALL OTHERS ARE ABSURD!!"

Should have just let me post the link.

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Post by pinback »

Jack Straw wrote:I mean, you're not even from Philly. Why the nazi-esque attitude of "THIS CHEESESTEAK AND ONLY THIS CHEESESTEAK IS AUTHENTIC AND ALL OTHERS ARE ABSURD!!"
Why not?

Wait, what BBS am I on?
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Keza
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Post by Keza »

I have never in my life seen a more absurd and pointless online battle than this.

That sandwich looks godawful.
Sag mir, ahst du heute schon geliebt, als wenn es für dich kein morgen gibt?

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Post by pinback »

Oh yeah, that BBS.

That sandwich looks godawful.
This coming from the country that gave us haggis.
In the yard, not too far from the car.

bruce
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Post by bruce »

k. roo wrote:Their bread is from the day before yesterday, their meat is dry, their vegetables taste of bleach. Yes, I've had PCS at the HH, and I've vowed that from that day on only the Wa is getting my business.
The WA?!?

K. Roo, why do you hate America so much?

OK. I owe you $4.25 or whatever it is.

Bruce

Jack Straw
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Post by Jack Straw »

JQW is financing my next cheesesteak.

B+

Post by B+ »

yeah so he made the cheesesteaks at 5:00 this morning drunk.. i woke up and there is steak and cheese wiz all over the place, it looks like he went to battle with cheesesteak and lost miserably..

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