Jolt Country

Last night I (in a fit of sleep deprivation and while suffering from a stress induced migraine) purchased a refurbished VitaMix 5200 blender. This act was in response to being prompted to pay $10 for the connecting, screw on bottom cap of an Oster container that was constantly rated as disintegrating within two - 4 months of purchase.

So I said "FUCK THAT SHIT" and instead splurged on a piece of equipment that will happily make me my required one or two daily protein shakes / smoothies that I routinely take in at 1 or 2 AM when my sweet tooth strikes.

In this thread, I will document my experience receiving and using this wonderfully overpriced kitchen accessory.

In short,

THERE WILL BE BLENDING, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!

Perfect. We blending pinto beans at all? Because I still got a pot of 'em ready to go! Nuttin wrong with em, I jus made too much!!!

RetroRomper wrote:THERE WILL BE BLENDING, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!

"Yippi-ki-yay, mothefucker."
- John McClaine, Die Hard

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Perfect. We blending pinto beans at all? Because I still got a pot of 'em ready to go! Nuttin wrong with em, I jus made too much!!!

Are those the kind that explode when hit in the back? Oh wait, that was the Ford Pinto. Never mind.

Now for the real question: how do pinto beans compare with either the beans in chili or refried beans (which technically aren't), is there something I might have had them in? I'm looking at an image search from Google and they remind me of the beans in pork and beans.

I suspect when someone mentions pinto beans I was getting an image of white navy beans. I think those are the ones found in bean with bacon soup, true?

After owning a Vitamix Creation II for a few months, I've gotten into a the habit of using it for the following on a regular basis:

1) Smoothies - milk, protein powder + various frozen fruits and vegetables makes quite a sweet yet horribly healthy (not to mention frothy) morning drink.

2) Eggs - three eggs, cheese and milk (or preferably heavy whipping cream) on medium speed for about two minutes make a light, fluffy and generally awesome tasting omelet.

3) Soup bases - toss vegetables with water into the Vitamix and blend for a bit and its the perfect quick stock creator when I don't have any bouillon in the house.

At one point I was literally throwing everything in it: chilis in my shakes / eggs / soups and mashed potatoes, garlic with tomatoes and other vegetables for sauces, and most recently hot chocolate (bought a bulk supply of chips and melt it down: the blending process makes it smoother with less chocolate grit).

No pinto beans though... Though I'll likely toss some garbanzo beans and other things into it when I decide to make humus for a party later this month.

That sounds like a rocking party. Here is how you can make it even more sensual: parts in the blender.

I have a juicer story. It can't really be told in ten lines or less, but it starts with my wife and I watching the documentary "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" and ended with two days of headaches, stomach cramps, and a hatred of kelp that remains to this day. If you've ever felt sick at your stomach while picking up a beer the day after a big party ... that's what smelling kelp does to me today. Still.

You ate a kelp shake? They don't even have those at Whole Foods. Why did you eat a kelp shake?



THE
BLARRRRGH
AARDVARK

It was one of the suggested recipes that came with the thing. Kelp wasn't the only ingredient in the shakes, but it was the predominant one -- kind of like eating a pizza with shit on it and having someone tell you, "well, it wasn't ALL shit!" I likened the kelp experience to sticking my hand underneath my lawnmower, pulling out a wet clump of grass, and eating it. It's making my stomach churn right now. Vile, vile kelp.

Funny you mention "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" and their evangelicalism of smoothies: I've switched from a protein shake in the morning before the gym, to a green "sludge" smoothie after seeing the documentary.

Green sludge smoothie recipe:

One large leaf of collared greens
Four or five leaves of kale
Four or five leaves of romaine lettuce
Two bananas
Frozen bunch (4 or 5) of strawberries
One lemon (for flavor)
Three carrots
Three cups of water
Optional fruits / vegetables (mango, blueberries, guava, and kiwi have all made an appearance).

Toss greens into a blender with water and BLEND! Add in fruit one bunch at a time and let mix for 3 - 5 minutes.

Horribly healthy, actually has taste thanks to the lemon (spinach or just the other greens by themselves provide nothing to tingle the taste buds) and gives enough energy through sugar and fiber to let me run my five miles in the morning.

COOKIES BITCH