Robb is referring to this:
(Short version: I got tired of never being able to find a goddamn pizza cutter in this house and so I went to the Dollar Store, bought all they had, and posted about it on Facebook.)
Longer version: Allow me to explain.
When I was a kid, we ate a lot of frozen pizzas but never had a pizza cutter. Instead, we had "pizza scissors.' I don't know if they really sell pizza scissors or if these were originally designed to serve as such; maybe they were garden shears, who knows.
About ten years ago, I attended a Pampered Chef party. The most inexpensive thing in the catalog to buy was a pizza cutter! We bought it (I think it was $7.99) and I loved it. Shortly afterwards, it went missing. I don't know how a pizza cutter goes missing. It's not like you use it for anything other than cutting pizzas, and it's not an item most people would lend out. So, it was back to ghetto pizza scissors.
(I don't mean pizza scissors inherently are ghetto; the pair I owned, literally, I bought in the ghetto.)
A few years ago I bought another pizza cutter. We've been using it regularly, or so I thought. My wife is out of town this week, and for dinner last night, I baked a frozen pizza for the kids. When I went to cut it ... I couldn't find the pizza cutter. When I asked the kids, they said they had no idea what I was talking about and have never heard of one. I made a funny comment on Facebook about it, and then went rummaging around in the other drawers to find a kitchen knife with which to crudely saw the Red Baron pie into pieces like a barbarian.
But later that evening, I thought to myself ... self? You have money, friend. I have money sitting around that I am looking for ways to spend. From my arcade game mass exodus I have $3k sitting right here. I am not a person without means. I am not a person who should be forced to live without cutlery. I am not in the 99%, folks. Wait, maybe I am. I guess it depends if 99% of Americans have pizza cutters or not. (I'm sure Tdarcos will Google it for us.) Point being, I've got cash in my pocket. I deserve to own a pizza cutter.
I put my kids into the car and drove to the Dollar General to buy a pizza cutter. But you know what? I've bought pizza cutters before, and somehow they get lost. And this is America, goddammit. So instead, I bought all the pizza cutters they had. They had 8. I bought 8.
The kitchen in our new house is kind of large. There are several drawers, but rule out the ones for pot holders and the junk drawer and the silverware drawer and that leaves 4 drawers. So now, every drawer that could possibly hold a pizza cutter has 2. Think about it. One could get lost, one could get loaned out, one could break, and one could be in the sink ... and I'd still have four to choose from.
So for now, the problem has been solved. I can't take three steps right now in the kitchen after seeing a pizza cutter. In my fridge right now I have 2 pizzas left, which means I have a 4:1 ratio of pizza cutters to pizzas.
All of this for $8! You can spend $8 at Taco Bell without trying too terribly hard. $8 is nothing compared to the enjoyment of knowing that no matter where I go, a pizza cutter will be there.