Jolt Country

Enough with your inane ramblings about bad music. Let us talk about something important.

Eldrick "Tiger" Woods returns from an extended absence, caused by knee surgery and its subsequent recovery, tomorrow (Thursday) morning. This is the most important event to ever happen in sports.

Updates as they unfold.

TigerCast 2003 wrote:Eldrick "Tiger" Woods returns from an extended absence, caused by knee surgery

Bitch ought to use some pads next time.

Thanks for those updates! I see that your passion for Tiger's accomplishments really knows no bounds. Cept for, y'know, posting about it, I mean!

I felt that the level of disrespect accorded to me dictated my absence.

If you feel like behaving like a reasonable person, I will provide updates, such as the following:

After three rounds of the Buick Invitational, it is obvious to everyone that Tiger is rusty from his long absence. He's having trouble hitting fairways, his drives routinely spraying out to the left or right, depending on whether he decides to pull or block a shot on any given hole. Fairway woods often find the ball landing on entirely different holes. Today, an errant shot on 18 almost nailed bystanders in the head as it sailed into the press box. He just does not look like he is in sync, like he is comfortable with the clubs when they're in his hand. It has been a troubling three days.

Oh, by the way, he's leading by a shot going into tomorrow's final round.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:

TigerCast 2003 wrote:Eldrick "Tiger" Woods returns from an extended absence, caused by knee surgery

Bitch ought to use some pads next time.

:(

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Well, what do you expect from a guy who's coming back from serious knee surgery and a two-month long layoff, even if he IS the #1 player in the world?

Did you expect a 4 shot victory, an absolute drubbing of his so-called "peers", as they looked on with both wonderment and an all-encompassing, spirit-crushing sense that their entire lives are futile endeavors?

Well, friends, that's what you got.

2003 TigerStats:

Number of tournaments entered: 1
Number of tournaments destroyed: 1

....Tiger..... humphumphumphump.

Did I fuck up and ban the word "fucked" as a legitmate work for a handle? I don't mean to censor you guys like that if so.

While I don't condone censorship, I don't think letting people post as the F-word should really be a top priority.

Weeeell, let's just take a look at the old results over the past couple weeks, and see wh- WHOAAAA! Well, will you look at that!

Tiger wins the Buick.
Tiger comes in fifth at Riviera.
Tiger wins the World Match Play Championship for the first time.

Number of tournaments entered: 3
Number of tournaments destroyed: 2
Number of tournament almost destroyed except for one bad round: 1.

Of course, the big story was how far behind Tiger was to Ernie Els after Els' hot start and Tiger's missing the first several tournaments. Let's just see how far Tiger is behind at this poi-- whu-- what? Oh, dear! Tiger is now AHEAD of Ernie Els by many thousands of dollars. Nice try, Ernest!

Tiger has not had a start like this since his mythic 2000 season, which so far this season (and his play) is seriously starting to resemble.

Please stay tuned to TigerCast 2003, which is looking more and more like it might be the greatest TigerCast since TigerCast 2000. OR BETTER?????

Shut up with all of this.

Tiger has now completed the first round of this year's Bay Hill Invitational, as he seeks to become the first person since, like, 1923, to win the same event four years in a row. It is also the first time this year that he is going up against Ernie Els. It is a momentous week!

After Tiger's first round, he stands at -2, a single shot back of a gaggle of pretenders leading at -3.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to officially declare this tournament over. Congratulations to Tiger on his fourth straight at Bay Hill!!

[quote="TigerCast 2003"]After Tiger's first round, he stands at -2, a single shot back of a gaggle of pretenders leading at -3.[quote]


:(

The Pretenders wrote:[qoute="TigerCast2003"]After Tiger's first round, he stands at -2, a single shot back of a gaggle of pretenders leading at -3.[qoute]


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:(

Sail on, Tiger. Sail onward to victory!

Hoist the sails, indeed!

Is Els the big fat guy or is that Mickleson? And who claimed that Tiger used "superior" equipment? Els again? And which one is from the Grand Duchy of South Africa? I need to get my hate on.

Way to get the thread back on track, Robb.

The TigerCast 2003, who's oddly more irratible than both TigerCast 2002 and 2001 combined, will not be pleased with all these quoting monkeyshines.

Lemme throw some wood on the Tiger fire. I hear Tiger has a hottie girlfriend, is there any plans on the board for a marriage between the two lovebirds?

Well, Ernie Els sure showed us something in Round 2! After a very surprising and disappointing 74 in his first round, people were thinking that the "Woods-Els" showdown so eagerly anticipated this weekend might never happened. So what does he do? Come right back and shoot a 65, jumping up to near the top of the leaderboard!

Woods, meanwhile, bogied two of his first six holes before play was called Friday for darkness. Adding to that shaky start, his girlfriend collapsed on the course, and was taken to the hospital.

As play resumed today, you can't blame the guy if he was a little out of his rhythm, and golf wasn't the first thing on his mind.

Oh yeah, by the way, he went on to shoot the same damn 65 that Ernie shot, and is now clear of the field by 3 strokes.

Once more, with feeling:

Tournament? Over.