Jolt Country

The year was whenever Barbaro was dying. The funniest comments on the web belonged to Deadspin.com, an Internet sports website without access, favor or access. Then - suddenly, overnight - the website turned to complete shit, leaving only the most tedious try-too-hard fucks to comment, and comment ... badly.

Welcome to March 11, 2010.

Story: http://deadspin.com/5490918/texas-range ... m-of-steak

Poster: Gamboa Constrictor
Comment: Those who can't do, teach.

Similarly, "Those you can't do, teach" was the worst possible advice given to Mary Kay LeTourneau when she admitted strong urges to be around young boys to her therapist.

Welcome to March 12, 2010.

Story: http://deadspin.com/5491828/quite-frank ... journalism

Poster: David Hume
Comment:a bunch of Sixers can't wait for Stephen A. to show up in their locker room so they can have words with him

Apparently word got out that he's going forward with his Allen Iverson-themed children's book "The Pokey Little Puppy Goes to Prison"

Are we allowed to play. I mean I guess not since it's only one comment per day which I'm guessing you'll take care of. So I guess we can't play.

No no, by all means.

By all means.


"Similarly, that was said by a woman who was raped by all members of former Chargers running back Natrone Means's extended family at her tear-jerking trial." -- typical Deadspin.com comment

Welcome to March 13, 2010.

Story: http://deadspin.com/5492636/minnesota-h ... ral-infamy

Poster: Gamboa Constrictor
Comment: Caroline Marcil sings this kid's praises.

Welcome to March 14, 2010.

Story: http://deadspin.com/5493032/terrible-ca ... in-ejected

Poster: MattinglysSideburns
Comment: This is most talk of "Campbell" and "hitting from behind" I've heard outside of a 2 Live Crew-related context.

Welcome to March 15, 2010.

Story: http://deadspin.com/5493954/potential-t ... ality-show

Poster: AzureTexan
Comment: Meanwhile, on ESPN's new "Gesture Toward Gentleman Jim Corbett," challengers are invited to put up their dukes while wearing their pants above their bellybuttons.

One thing that infuriated me about Deadspin was that they changed the RSS feed I was using so that you have to constantly click on "More" to read the story. I preferred to have the entire story in the feed.

So I sent a snotty tweet to @Deadspin.

Like seconds later... SECONDS later, the Deadspin Editor-in-Chief sent me a link to another RSS feed that was exactly what I wanted. (I haven't checked, but they probably informed people of the RSS change and I just didn't see it.)

Well, I'm not going to highlight bad comments on a guy's website if he goes out of his way to help me. In fact, I feel like a complete piece of shit about all this. So I will no longer be updating the thread. There's a billion shitty websites to get worked up about if one so chooses, not one that actually gives a crap about its readers.

Okay, I'll do it!!

WELCOME THE FUCK TO MARCH 17, 2010.

STORY: http://deadspin.com/5495437/last-nights ... s-shouters

POSTER: MarkKelsosMigraine
Comment: What's good for CBS may not be good for all of us. I learned this lesson the hard way when I used Harry Reasoner Brand Suppositories.

DAAAaahahahaha!

Hello? Am in the right place? I was told there was a very BIG CAVE here.


Hello??

MattinglysSideburns is uniformly terrible.

It wouldn't be a Deadspin Shitty Comment thread without a hundred sample posts from MarkKelsosMigraine, who might be the single most unfunny fucking retard on the Internet right now.

Here: http://deadspin.com/comment/12906669/

"There is only one conclusion I can think of and that is doping," Cooman said.

Lorne Michaels had the same thought about John Belushi when he tore the yellow pages in half, ate a live cat and then slept for 78 consecutive hours. Reply

This thread lives. I'm tired of just telling Pinback how much I hate these unfunny, tedious fucks. I hope they search for their names on the Internet and find this thread and kill themselves.

One guy on Deadspin finally snapped and said:

Ok, I have to ask the question--at what point did every comment to a Deadspin post take the form of"

"Verbatim or slightly tweaked quote from post"
--attribution to some other person not featured in the post.

Yes yes, it's hilarious to think about all the famous people in this world that might have said "Is this dick-riding?" I get it. Oh shit, Jenna Haze might have said that, once!1!!!! But, seriously, this schtick is getting really tiring. Reply

He got two replies. The first was some insipid tard telling him to go to "Jezebel.com," another awful Gawker site, and the other was a sniveling nobody basically writing +1 to the first comment.

But then, Gawker (who own Deadspin) made the news because all the passwords to their user accounts were leaked.

Is there a good site out there to get a bunch of sports news that isn't Deadspin? I haven't even gotten into the constant schlong pics and nose-picking articles they feature.

And they had a whole goddamn article on Ines Sainz but LINKED TO OTHER ARTICLES WITH PICS instead of just posting the pics right there.

That's when they lost me.

I felt a lot better when I stopped going to Deadspin. I would have continued visiting, but I just hated their posters too much.