Jolt Country

I don't enjoy this. Well, maybe a little.

Nobody really knows what it's like to be a fan of the Saints, except for other fans of the Saints. Even the Lions won a championship once, back before the merger.

The Saints cut their long snapper a few days ago. At the time, no real reason was given. Kevin Houser had played in every game since 2000, and never botched a snap.

Oh yeah, he also got his coaches and teammates involved in a GODDAMN PYRAMID SCHEME WHICH BLEW UP as pyramid schemes are wont to do! SO COACH CUT HIM.

http://deadspin.com/5308460/long-snappe ... -decisions

Jesus FUCKING Christ, Saints!

EDIT: finally fixed the link

Crap. That won't work till I can go home and re-upload it.

Let's see. I never bothered putting that image up. But fuck that. Everyone needs to watch this:

[youtube][/yotuube]

THIS... is why people hate auto-tune.

And the Dolphins.[youtube][/youtube]

The NFL Sunday Ticket's price has been raised to $300 for the entire year. JUST FIVE PAYMENTS OF SIXTY DOLLARS.

I think I have to be completely honest. The Saints have the #1 offense in the NFL and just need a league-average defense, which they just might get this year. I mean, yes, they always suck, but on paper they should be really good.

If this was 1997-1999 and there was no hope, I honestly think I'd pass. Maybe I'm burned out on sports, but $300 is a lot of money, even if they split it up, and this same package was $179 two or three years ago.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Let's see. I never bothered putting that image up. But fuck that. Everyone needs to watch this:

[youtube][/yotuube]

THIS... is why people hate auto-tune.

And the Dolphins.

I hate auto-tune, and I REALLY hate the Miami Dolphins. This is exactly the type of unholy matrimony I would make of both to demonstrate the insidiousness of each.

Well sheeeit, we shelled out $400 for the extra special sunday ticket with all-HD. Thing is, we'd go to a local Bills Backers bar to watch at least 6 or 8 games a year. On each trip, we would easily drop $50 on beers, wings and pizza. We viewed Sunday ticket as a good investment. I did the math and everything. We'll plan on having people over most Sundays, and with a minimum admission price of a six pack of beer, I plan on coming out ahead.

(I originally wrote this for a thread on Something Awful. I wanted to have a copy posted here, however. It concerns the fact that cornerback Jason David was cut a couple of days ago.)


As a Saints fan, I have had the privilege and honor of watching some of the worst players in the history of the National Football League. Until recently, most Saints fans would probably say that the very bottom of the barrel was Johnathan Sullivan. However, Sullivan was rather quickly placed in the doghouse, made inactive, and turned into a non-factor.

Jason David was a factor.

Daryl Terrell, a guard, took over for William Roaf when Roaf had season-ending surgery in 2001. Grant Wistrom and Andre Carter were named NFC Defensive Player of the Week going against Terrell, and Simeon Rice was named NFC Defensive Player of the Month (12/01) in part thanks to caving his goddamn face in. I have long maintained that Terrell's four-game stretch to end the 2001 season was the single worst performance of any player in NFL history in my lifetime.

That is, until Jason David.

From his very first game, where he was picked on by Peyton Manning to the point where I felt sorry for him - where I literally felt fucking SORRY for a professional athlete, to Carson Palmer locking in on him in a goddamn pre-season game last week, I have never seen someone so overmatched on this level.

The 2006 Saints season was pretty unbelievable, and when we signed David, I know I personally thought he'd be the difference in what was sure to be a 42-41 barn burner to start the 2007 season, en route to another post-season appearance. Instead, Peyton specifically targeted David for the game's first score. David returned a fumble recovery for a TD to tie it up, which made me feel that he "made up" for it or something, but Manning went on to abuse, humiliate and destroy David in a way I had never before seen one grown man do to another on television. I mean, he effectively ended his career in his first game as a Saint.

The Saints went on to lose four straight. (Has that ever happened before? A team that played in a championship game goes on to lose their first FOUR the next season? I honestly have no idea. I assumed I was watching history.) I have no idea how the Colts won a single fucking game with him playing, much less the Super Bowl.

Ultimately, he had to go. I was still surprised to see him cut. Unlike some other players that have left, however, I experienced no real joy, no schadenfreude, nothing like that. Just grim understanding that he had to go. How could I be mad? He should have never been out there. It would be like the team starting your kid, or someone's dog each Sunday. He had regressed past blame. But through it all, he never once acted like anything less than a professional, and we've had some enormous pussies that have faced a lot less adversity than he. It had to be done, and it was necessary, but Godspeed, Jason David.

Good luck and Godspeed.

(Also, the link to the revision of Tom Benson's Wikipedia entry - that link is the one thing on the Internet that gets me EVERY SINGLE TIME. I remember reading that and just dying in laughter. I called Dayna over to read it, and look - I'm a dork, but I didn't call my girlfriend over to read Wikipedia revisions on a regular basis. I remember pointing that out to her and just laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing.

Four years later, it still broke me into having kittens.

And I think it's because the person Benson is also known as, in that revision, has URL tags. I think, specifically, that's what separates it from something funny, to the one thing on the Internet that gets me every time.)

Thanks. My tags were showing, and I apologize for that.

Throughout the season, I'll be quoting from some of the faggiest fans in the NFL, because they make me so sick.

"After surviving all these seasons of mediocrity and heartache, it'll take alot more than suing some bible-literalist to make me stop loving the 'Skins. Sorry."

The guy above is a Redskins fan. The Redskins have won three Super Bowls.

Seasons of heartache!!!!! /backhand raised to forehead

Make sure your phone's on today, Robb!

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Throughout the season, I'll be quoting from some of the faggiest fans in the NFL, because they make me so sick.

"After surviving all these seasons of mediocrity and heartache, it'll take alot more than suing some bible-literalist to make me stop loving the 'Skins. Sorry."

The guy above is a Redskins fan. The Redskins have won three Super Bowls.

Seasons of heartache!!!!! /backhand raised to forehead

It is time for you to shut the fuck up about this. The Redskins' last Super Bowl was in 1991.

Since then, LET US COMPARE THE RECORDS OF THE REDSKINS AND YOUR LOWLY, AWFUL SAINTS:

Deadskins: 121-150-1
Ain'ts: 122-150

So since 1992 your team is a half a win better than the Redskins. In 1992, you hadn't even turned 20. 1992 was the first year I was allowed to drink alcohol legally. This should give you a sense of how long ago that was.

Keep that in mind before you go on with this backhand to the forehead horseshit. SINCE WE WERE LITTLE KIDS, THE SAINTS HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THE REDSKINS.

three Super Bowl wins and you played in a total of five

And I've got serious doubts that your stat there isn't made up.

I sat there (really) flipping through NFL stat pages, writing the various yearly records down into notepad, and then using calc.exe to add up the numbers. Tell me that shit was made up? I'll shove this tennis ball down your fuckin' throat.

And as of today, it's now:

121-151-1
to
123-150

The Saints BURSTING into a COMMANDING lead.

And as for three Super Bowl wins and played in five THAT WAS TEN THOUSAND YEARS AGO. Jesus Christ, were you doing the same thing in '04 when the Sawx won the Series? "COME ON GUYS CHILL, U GUYS ALREADY WON IN LIKE 1918. OMG."

No, I was there with you and Greg when the Red Sox won the World Series. Back when we were still friends.

Also, I apologize for texting you and Greg today every time the Saints got close(r) to dropping 100 points on the Lions. I had to go to iPhone calc much sooner than I would have liked to admit. =(