Jolt Country

Welcome... to Masters Week.

I have nothing to say yet, except that this is the week for eating Pimento Cheese Sandwiches (see recipe from 2008 Masters Thread) and drinking Arnold Palmers.

An Arnold Palmer is half lemonade, half iced tea!

This is a problem, though, if you are on a strict diet, as I am. Therefore, to remedy this problem, I have summoned all of my powers to create...

The Crystal Light Arnold Palmer!!

INGREDIENTS
-----------------
1 pack Crystal Light Iced Tea (or preferably, cheaper generic-brand ripoff.)

1 pack Crystal Light Lemonade (or preferably, cheaper generec-brand ripoff.)

1 large pitcher.

DIRECTIONS
---------------
1. Open each of the two packs of Crystal Light.
2. In a small bowl, mix them together fully!
3. Using your eyeballs (unless you are BLIND lol), return the mixes to the original little plastic cups, trying to get them totally even.
4. Dump one of them into the pitcher and fill with water!
5. Save the other one for the next pitcher!

MAKES 2 PITCHERS

Mmmm mm! That's good, calorie-free Masters Week refreshment!

where's the vodka?

The 2009 Masters Thread is 100% alcohol-free.

Fucking CHAD CAMPBELL?

FUCK THIS.

On the positive side, so far, every time Tiger's opened with a 70 at The Masters (1997, 2001, and 2002), he went on to win it.

On the negative side, every time he got a goddamn weak-ass 72 on round two and bogeyed 18 for the second goddamn day in a row, FUCK THIS SHIT.

Generally at this time, I would be sinking into a deep trough of depression due to the horrendous outcome of this year's Masters...

...but then...

...but then they paired Phil and Tiger together on the last day, both at -4, both gunning to rip each other's brains out and feast on them!

Would I say I'd rather see Phil and Tiger battle each other for ninth place than see Tiger at the top of the leaderboard?

Of course not. What are you, insane? But I will say, it's a nice consolation prize.

I can now work up enough appetite to enjoy a pimento cheese sandwich... one not covered in iced-tea/lemonade-laced tears.

I seen Tiger bounce one off'n that pine tree. Why do all the caddies have to wear the Clockwork Orange jumpsuits?


THE
JIM NANZE
OVERLOAD
AARDVARK

That's only for the Masters, the most traditional, and yet goofy, of all golf tournaments.

Caught the end of this with Pinner & Kat. IMPRESSIONS:

- There was, what, one commercial break an hour? It was awesome. I can't believe how easy it is for me to let down my suburbal liberal pretenses and be all, "YEAH, KEEP WOMEN OUT OF THE CLUBHOUSE IF IT MEANS NO ADS!" (It was explained to me that in response to advertisers threatening to "pull their ads" because of how sexist the club is, the club just told everyone to fuck off. I mean, I am used to football, where the ad breaks are fucking intolerable in their regularity, and baseball, which has been killing me this season with some of the stupid shit designed entirely to annoy.)

- The guys calling the game were great, the lone exception being Jim Nantz, who I cannot stand in any way, shape or form. I don't know why he bugs the living hell out of me, but he stuck out profoundly during the broadcast. Again, compared to football, it's amazing how many good announcers a single station has for golf! I was going to say something like, "there are two guys who can call a football game," but fucking seriously, there's one guy on the planet that doesn't annoy the hell out of me: former Ravens coach Brian Billick. ONE FUCKING GUY! Ahem.

- The Masters looked nice in HD. GOOD JOB, BEN AND KAT!

Jones brings up a good point. Is golf the only Major televised sport that does NOT have a TV time out? Well, Nascar doesn't but you'd never be able to tell the difference.

can't we go back to the television working around the sport rather than vise versa?


THE
KILL YOUR TELEVISION
AARDVARK